Help, my 3 year old thinks she's a cat

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Feral children have never had other role models to emulate, as far as I know. A child in a healthy home environment who chooses to emulate a cat for a time isn't likely to actually adopt that as a life long characteristic. Those of us with easier attitudes have learned through experience that many things can be tolerated with absolutely no long term negative side effects at all. It is silly, IMHO, to create harsh consequences, or spend a lot of energy worrying, over the fear of a result that isn't real.

Letting a three year old child pretend it is a cat is just bad parenting. There is such thing as 'discipline' so children don't grow up to be maladjusted adults. Do you think it is good for the development of a childs social skills if a child is going to a cat's litter tray and eating out of a bowl on the floor? C'mon now. The child will most likely not become a feral child for the reasons you state, but letting the child get away with this behaviour will have long term effects on the child I imagine. There is something called 'learned behaviour' and if you let a child get away with something outrageous at an early age, they will inevitably think it ok to do more outrageous things as they get older. Why would any parent want to encourage anti social behaviour?

We all agreed that the child shouldn't be allowed to eat from the bowl or go in the liter box. Lines are certainly being drawn even by those who have suggested indulging it, but realistically not all behavior that you consider anti-social is "bad." Very young children go through many, many phases and they pretty much always pass out of them on their own. It's called picking your battles as a parent, and allowing your child to feel free to have some expression while also understanding there are clear guidelines for all the important things. I'm pretty free with my kids at home but they are model kids out in public; that isn't me putting my head in the sand, it is the comments I receive from others. A good parent can be a lot less strict than you are suggesting and still raise socially well adjusted kids. Fact. Lessons can be well taught through reason. When there is a good reason, at least. I'd be hard put to find one to give a child that wants to act in a way that makes them happy but imposes no physical health or sanitary danger while at home with those who are supposed to love and accept them.

Still, if it bothers the parents and they aren't already overloading the child with other messages, they can successfully remove the behavior without any harm. The question is, is the child overloaded? Too often the child already is, and adding a rule just means more chaos. ALL the kids I've seen grow up into what I believe are super well adjusted adults have had parents who sometimes let something "odd" go. I observed that early on, took note, and learned.

My grandson (5) emulates a cat - minus the litter box and cat food, because there are none in his house. His brother, 2, emulates a lion and growls when not happy. I used to be a beaver...building dams and gathering food...over and over and over again.

The litter box must be moved. It is too much like a sandbox which is fun...and cats do hang out in it...but it is unsanitary. It needs to be in a place where your daughter cannot get to it, but the cat can. Maybe your cat would like one with a lid...which is more difficult to get into.
Re: the food - everybody has their own food in their own bowls and plates. That bowl is the cat's food, not hers. If she is hungry, bring her to the table and give her something to eat. Keep reminding her that the cat has its own food and its not hers. I agree, stop the free feeding of the cat and keep the food away during nonfeed times.
The only thing I see needing a time out is if she becomes aggressive with the cat. That's just not nice. We don't tolerate it when our kids hit or grab others in anger...that includes cats.

Good luck
Elise

I can understand your "separation of feline and human" logic. But what would you suggest if a child emulates the cat not because of pretend play, but because he/she thinks that being a person is boring and being a cat is the most fun thing in the world? This is what I was getting at in my earlier post. In that case, strict rules about not eating like a cat (i.e. hands-free from a bowl on the floor) will only reinforce the belief that he/she was unlucky enough to be born a human and not a cat. I don't know what to suggest, other than periodic small reminders about the downsides of being a cat, such as not being able to enjoy playgrounds or sports. In my opinion, it's better to talk about the downsides of being a cat, rather than the upsides of being a human, because the upsides often apply only to adults and not children, which invalidates the argument for the child.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 26 Jul 2010, 10:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

you make a good point, but this child is around her parents and other people.
but i remember i seen things like this. sad that the kids was abandon.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljVd6XS-J0s[/youtube]

i wonder how is the young lady doing now

oh she doing better i found this link
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8fz2u ... f-5_webcam

@ MONIQUEIJ - I also saw that video a few years ago. Very sad, but that is how children turn out without love or social interaction with other humans. Certainly gives some credence to those who say autism can be contributed to by bad parenting. Two emotionally detached parents perhaps could create a schizoid child. Many of those who claim to have or have been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome have schizoid personality traits.

Living in the dark ages are we?

"I can understand your "separation of feline and human" logic. "

I actually don't see it as such. I see it as each being (cat and human) has his/her own food spot such as 'this is where the cat eats, this is where you eat, this is where I eat. We all have our own space to eat'. Maybe even have some bowls/plates with pictures of cats on them for her (the daughter). So then she puts them on the floor to eat. 'No, these plates have to be on the table. This is the spot for these plates'. Then maybe there's a temper tantrum. Ok, now the tantrum is over. The plates still have their spot. Daughter still has her spot. Mom still has her spot.

I agree that pointing out downsides to being a cat can be helpful as can pointing out up sides to being a human.

Just my two cents.
Elise

Actually no, I did say contribute, not cause. I believe there is probably quite a few 'socially ret*d' people who jump onto the Asperger's bandwagon just because it's fashionable. These people don't have different brains, they just have had a poor upbringing by their parents. Then there are those I believe who are brain damaged by vaccines at an early age, and those whose immune systems are compromised by vaccines at an early age. Autism is often said to be caused by autoimmunity, in fact, there is a test coming out in 2015 for people affected by that specifically which measures certain proteins in the urine. I believe autism can be caused by many things, but it is definitely being overdiagnosed as of late. Another cause of autism can be mercury poisoning which changes brain development. Even if a person's brain develops normally they still can have symptoms of autism which go away with mercury chelation. I know of many people who have been cured from autism by mercury chelation. There are however, a lot of people who don't get cured and those people probably fall into any of the other categories I have explained.

I don't buy into all the theories you do (I don't think auto-immune or vaccine theories are valid), but I actually understood your original point. I think it's more that without decent parenting an autistic child is less likely to learn to engage and improve, than "become worse" however. I think much of how autism manifests itself - and I use term manifest intentionally, since I don't think we have any control over the existence of the condition - depends on the environment the child is in. Contrast the Rainman image with the smiling and open kids we tend to see today. The total withdrawal in Rainman seems like a defensive shield that was acquired by the already autistic child in response to the move to an institution. Similar kids whose parents kept them home and tried to hide the autism developed differently, as do our kids today. Not to say we never see the withdrawal anymore; so many different things can cause it. But it is far less common and the main thing has changed is that parents are no longer asked to give up on their children. We continue to raise them, try to understand them, talk to them, and engage them. THOSE are the things that make the difference.

really, i cant even formulate a response to such statements. its just too ludicrous, i wouldnt know where to start. and for me, thats pretty amazing as i am never out of words.

why didn't you post in the 'rants' thread? http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt28605.html

ignoring the controversial and deadly treatments such as chelation therapy for autism, what i consider ludicrous is a) the idea that autism is contributed to by bad parenting, b) that poor social skills in non-autistics are the result of bad parenting, c) that letting your child pretend to be a cat is "dabbling with the idea of collapsing society", and d) that there is direct correlation between feral children and autism.

a) bad parenting does not contribute to autism. a child has autism, or doesnt. some traits may be expressed more in certain situations, however it is usually "bad parenting" that is required when reducing or eliminating those traits. autistic children do need consistency, but traditional discipline methods often fail entirely with them. traditional "good parenting" often means forcing the child to submit to the wishes of the parent, whereas with an autistic child we often are bending over backwards to alter the environment around the child rather than forcing the child to accept the environment and adapt to it. for example, when at the grocery store and i let my son bounce and spin and flap and vocalize, i may get dirty looks from others who judge me to be exhibiting "bad parenting", when what i actually am doing is giving him freedom to stim and express himself without trying to force him into a mold he was never intended to fit into. in that situation, "good parenting", forcing the child to submit to accepted social norms, would result in an increase of stress and expression of autistic traits, IE a good old fashioned meltdown in the store.

b) bad parenting does not cause poor social skills. social skills are partly inherent, partly learned. some people are better at them than others. that does not mean that those with better social skills had better parents. our social urges are often part of our personality or genetic makeup. there are truly parenting situations that result in a child not developing social skills, language, or life skills, but those are criminal cases of abuse and neglect, not simply bad parenting.

c) a child pretending to be a cat is not dabbling with the idea of collapsing of society. pretend play is GOOD for autistic children. one of the common traits and part of the diagnostic criteria of autism is the lack of spontaneous pretend play. encouraging pretend play and doing it with them is an excellent way to engage your child and promote social interaction, which is the exact opposite of collapsing society.

d) there is not a direct correlation between autistic children pretending and feral children. feral children are children who at a young age have been isolated for an extended period with extremely limited or no social interaction and are thus unable to learn social skills because they are never exposed to them. autistic children are exposed but are unable to or have difficulty learning social skills. while they may share similar traits, in feral children it was the isolation which caused the traits, and in autistics it is the autism that caused the traits.


this idea that bad parenting is the cause of developmental delays harkens back to the 50s and the refrigerator mother theories. bad parenting is a subjective term, what one parent considers bad would be quite acceptable to another. it usually has to do with discipline and permissions and what each parent considers acceptable. parenting is not set in stone and children are not either. all parenting should be tailored specifically to the child to the point that bad parenting for one child is good parenting to another.

and what is truly ludicrous is telling a parent that letting a 3 yr old child play pretend is bad parenting, a child pretending to be a cat shouldnt be tolerated and should be punished, and that it all can lead to lack of social skills, becoming a feral child, and the downfall of society.

call me a bad parent too because ive lost count of the sticks ive thrown for my puppy son and the number of times ive been bitten and infected when hes a zombie. anarchy here we come.