My daughter is saying disturbing things-what do I do?

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My neighbor is a nurse at the local pediatrician's office (we live in a very small town). I asked her about a test for PANDAS. She said this was WAY over the expertise level of this office and that I should see a Pediatric Psychiatrist in the largest town nearby which is an hour away. She also thinks this is above the level of local therapists.

I guess tomorrow I will inquire about an appointment with a pediatric psychiatrist. I hate the idea of that because it means meds surely would be prescribed which I am not a fan of. But I am thinking this sort of behavior plus comments from my daughter is probably not just a passing phase and should be addressed. Whether it's OCD, PANDAS, or just depression from AS related issues, I probably need it addressed. Also, she is starting school in one week and I will need someone to help me navigate these issues and how they impact school.

I must say that I recall in April (when we weaned off the Zoloft and the OCD behavior started) that my daughter was sick with high fever and a strange rash for a week. They diagnosed Roseola, which was a peculiar dx because it's usually in very young children but now that I am replaying the chain of events I am realizing it could have been what is related to Strep: Scarlet Fever. While this is a long shot at being related it is curious timing with regard to all of this.

Thanks for all the replies, I will surely contemplate all the suggestions.

Can you clarify what is meant by 'bad thoughts'?

If the 'bad thoughts' refer to things like feeling shame, anxiety, distress, and fear when thinking about something that happened in the past, than what you are most likely encountering is PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). The bad thoughts she is referring to are flash backs. This isn't an adult only condition. I started having flashbacks, and panic attacks from those flash backs, when I was about 9 years old. It might also explain why she has been so reluctant to sleep recently. The nightmares that go with PTSD aren't very fun. I was also very depressed from age 9-12.

The source of my flashbacks varied. My most common one was when I was playing in a little league baseball game (against my desires) and fell flat on my face while trying to swing at a pitch. Needless to say, everybody laughed at me and I was thoroughly embarrassed. Other times, the flashback was something like getting the answers wrong on a test, being bullied by my peers, or other similarly unpleasant things. In reality, the things I had the flashbacks about weren't really that bad. They were indeed embarrassing, humiliating, and unpleasant, but nothing more then what the average child goes through. Its just that when you are so wound up and stressed out from dealing with all the problems in life, small things can become traumatic events. They were effectively the straw that broke the camels back.

One thing I have learned the hard way is that you can't get over these things just by ignoring them, and hoping they go away. It doesn't work. I have spent years trying to ignore my past, and that only gave me more flashbacks, and more stress, and made the problem worse. The only way to effectively deal with PTSD flashbacks is to confront them head on. You have to stop, think about the memory, and then work your way through it, no matter how unpleasant it is. And the next time you have the flashback, you do it again, and again, and again, until eventually you have worked through the events and dealt with them.
It isn't pleasant, and it isn't fun. But it is the only way to deal with the flash backs.

And remember that even if the event is silly to you (the boy stealing a kiss), it isn't silly to her. Telling her to just get over it, and move on, only reaffirms the idea that she is being overly sensitive and makes her try to shut it out more, which just makes it worse. Let her know that there is nothing wrong with having these flashbacks, and that she isn't crazy. Let her know that you understand how difficult they are, and that you don't blame her. And then talk her through the event in a calm, supporting, and comforting way.

Other then that, I would keep working on ways to let your daughter unwind, and keep her out of stressful situations. And keep in mind that this isn't going to be an overnight change. Children are indeed resilient, but PTSD isn't something you can just fix easily. I have been dealing with PTSD for a while now, and even today I will occasionally have flashbacks from my childhood when I hear a children's choir or something similar. It no longer bothers me as much as it once did, and I no longer have constant flash backs and nightmares, but it isn't easy.

It is also possible that these intrusive thoughts are OCD style, but based on what you have described about the thought being related to the kiss, I think PTSD is more likely. Especially when you consider the stress that she is under.

Sounds like the kissing incident (hopefully that's all it was) compounded the OCD she may naturally have had b4 or amplified it beyond what it would have been had the incident not have occurred. Getting a professional involved is good, but watch the professional and your daughter. Just tell her that you love her and try to keep her distracted from her own fixations as much as possible.

I think you should encourage her to talk about it more.

OCD is not her problem. She is very upset about something. She is not coming to terms with what happened for some reason. It could be as simple as she knows that something was wrong about keeping this secret and she can't express that. It's possible she feels violated. Children have a very difficult time expressing sophisticated feeling and spectrum kids have it worse. Remind her that you love and support her and that you will do everything you can to help her if she will trust you and then give her time to decide it's OK to talk to you.

The bad thoughts in her head are not just about the kiss (although that event did start this current episode). I do not know that it was just a kiss. I do not know that it was a kiss at all. My daughter can have dreams that are so real and vivid to her she becomes very frightened and will obsess over the dream for a very, very long time. She is also afraid of things most 7 year olds have long grown out of. She is becoming more and more afraid of more and more things as she gets older, instead of the other way around as with most kids. She is afraid of the dark to the point of literally panicing. She was afraid of water until just about 6 months ago. She is afraid of concepts such as playing tricks. She is afraid of getting in a wreck. She is afraid of our car being towed (no we have never been towed). These thoughts are the "bad" thoughts I think she is referring to. The kiss is just the current bothersome, plaguing topic.

I am trying to ease her anxiety every way that I know how. I don't take her to the grocery. I go to great lengths to find anxiety free doctors and dentists. I don't know why she is afraid. She has not had any traumatic event in her life at all. We have only moved once in her life. Our home is happy, calm and safe. She has just always been different. Always afraid of people. Even as an infant she wouldn't mix with the other children at playdates or storytime. She was very clingy with me. I thought that if I gave her all the attention she craved that she would grow more confident and self assured. It never happened. She is afraid or anxious even about just being away from me. It is severely affecting my life.

I've gone to every dr possible. She was referred for eval at age 2 when she had no words and other developmental delays. The state social worker said she was not Autistic because she lacked some autistic markers. She continued to have problems. School would call me to come get her because she was upset and inconsolable without me. The teachers would say she would grow out of it and then later they'd say "something's just not right-I've never seen a child like this before." We made trip after trip to the pedi with chronic stomach aches-double over/can't function variety. She finally said this is psychological-there's nothing physically wrong with her. So off we went to a child psychologist. He said something's not right-see a Dev Pedi. So we waited 9 months and she said no Autism-Anxiety Disorder and SPD. Then off we went to the OT who said that's not the whole picture. Something else is going on. A year later we got into to the best of the best Autism Center and they dx'd the Asperger's. That report stated her anxiety/separation anxiety was present within the context of the pervasive developmental disorder-Asperger's.

Here we are over a year later and no better, just different problems than before. No one here knows how to help me. I am doing my best to tackle each issue as it arises.

Thanks for letting me vent!

I'm not a parent, but do you think that this boy did something more than just kiss her? I hate to say it, but it sounds like she might have been molested. Ask her if the boy touched her private areas.

I did ask her if all he did was kiss her. She said yes. I told her she could tell me everything he did. She said he kissed her and told her it was a secret. The boy is 8 or 9 and a trouble maker. He visits his grandmother on our street. He has come over before but they only played when another neighborhood girl was present-never alone. Although I do think they would play hide and seek so there's a possibility of a short time period alone. They never had time alone inside a house so I don't think molestation is probable although I guess it would be possible. I think she is more upset about the secret part. It made her feel like she was doing something wrong.

Thanks for your pm, that was helpful. She is tapping things. She taps all of the dresser drawers every time she opens one to get something out. I asked her why she did it and she says she's making sure they're closed but it's just a light tap not pushing the drawers closed. She also has some other rituals.

The sameness thing also is what is going on with her except that now she is doing these rituals at home. This all started in April, after 4 months of Zoloft, which may or may not be related. OCD is affected by Seratonin and Zoloft affects seratonin. However, it should have the inverse effect, but I've learned with my daughter she doesn't react normally to meds.

She is still talking about wishing she were dead. She said it again today. I don't know if she is expressing a "bad feeling" or if she is really very unhappy and depressed. I am concerned about starting school this Monday with all of this going on. I don't trust drs with all that we've been through but I need to find someone who can help. Another problem is that drs cause anxiety for my daughter and I don't want to do that needlessly.