Why do people equate AS with tantrums?

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Thanks for starting this thread countess, my daughter is the same way, rarely has meltdowns and doesn't tantrum more than the average kid. For the longest time I was in denial about her autism, because I was ignorant and associated autism with little boys with behavior problems and meltdowns, I've learned so much since then. I was very fortunate that my daughter went to a daycare with very experienced and educated staff who were able to spot her challenges and point us in the right direction towards diagnosis. It would have been very easy for my daughter to fall through the cracks, suffer in silence and not get the help that she needs.

I'm constantly having to educate family and friends. My daughter pretty much is a textbook case of moderate to higher functioning autism, minus the meltdowns, but other people think that because she's not misbehaved that she must be misdiagnosed or only 'a little bit autistic.' And that because she doesn't cause her parents or teachers grief, that she doesn't have any challenges or frustrations.

I think Tracker makes a good observation about meltdowns vs shutdowns. My daughter will really clam up and not speak in social situations, but not act up.

I've found with her sensory challenges that she is more sensory seeking as opposed to sensory avoiding, which I think is a bit of a blessing. Instead of melting down in response to different sights, sounds touches etc, she really seeks out certain sounds and textures. I think it's easier to control her environment because we don't have to avoid as many social situations.

I have to ask my husband what I do, because he usually can see it coming. He might not be able to tell me.

It's funny because from my perspective when I get upset I have an incredibly valid reason for it. He will usually agree with me there, it's the intensity of it that he always objects to. I just thought I had a very bad temper. Maybe there's more to it than I realize. It's hard to know with him though because we grew up so different. His mother complains incessantly about how unpleasant I am because I don't smile enough for her. I learned recently that the smiling she expects is a regional thing (no one I know from home has ever made that complaint so I'm pretty certain it's not an AS thing). If I smiled the way she does all the time, people from home would have asked me if they missed something funny. I've actually done that to her once or twice.

BrookeBC, yes, I feel your pain. Not only do people not believe that my son has autism, but the issues he has that are related to it are really my fault. I either anticipate what he needs too frequently or I have lofty expectations.

Your daughter sounds quite a bit like my son. Is she concerned with correctness? I'm not certain how else to word it. My son is incredibly easy to discipline because he has a need to do and be right. His meltdowns are usually a result of lack of sleep, hunger or both. If he's rested and not hungry he handles most things incredibly well. He also zones out. He usually does it when my husband comes home from work for a little while and then joins us.

I understand being confused about meltdowns and temper tantrums. My AS son has had meltdowns, but I think he more often shuts down. I have AS and I was considered a calm shy child, but I had my moments. I was talking to my Mom today and she brought out her baby doll she had as a child. It had its legs torn and face partially busted. I remembered a painful experience. She said when I was a child I once got angry at her and began trying to destroy her doll. OMG---I can remember doing this when I was so so so young. But I wasn't that type of child at all. But I got completely overwhelmed in overload. I had to take it out on something or explode inside. Instead of hurting myself in a meltdown, I used the doll. To this day I am ashamed for having done this to her doll. I just couldn't help it---or could I? This happened back in the late 1960s. But I remember it very well and can still hear it hitting the wall as I threw it repeatedly as I jumped up and down on my bed after throwing it again.

OMG---I don't know if I feel better or worse after confessing this.

Anyway, for whatever it's worth, perhaps meltdowns are brought on by an overload in the sensory department.