the chosen mothers

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I actually think that autistic people do come from God, through our genes (just... like all other kinds of people), and see no contradiction in that. As Astra Milberg, who has Down's syndrome said, "I believe God gave me an extra chromosome. It's an odd gift, but it's a gift." But that perhaps belongs on the religious board. What I don't think, is that God chooses the parents based on whether they're good parents or not. (I've seen the same range of parenting skill among parents of autistic children, that I have seen among parents of non-autistic children.)

Obviously, anyone who is not religious/spiritual will have a very different view on this than I will (which is fine with me).

I am very grateful my grandmother didn't mourn my genes. She supported me in my "quirkiness" and my desire for isolation. Why does your grandson need to smile? Do you think he is automatically unhappy because he's not smiling? Maybe he LIKES playing with or feeling papertowels. Is that so bad? Maybe small spaces make him feel secure and relaxed.

I'm glad no one made me feel bad for preferring to spend my time alone playing with imaginary scenarios in my own head (yes, I had quite a vivid imagination - still do. Just because I'm not expressing it, doesn't mean it's not in there. ) Or locked in my room alone playing with Legos or hiding in small spaces reading books (closets were my favorite place). I was still doing that when I was in college. Heck, I still do it NOW and I'm almost 43 years old and married! Legos are very small and smooth and fit together in a variety of very predictable and aesthetically appealing ways. I like them.

I think my grandmother does mourn mine. The last time I saw her, which was a long time ago, she treated me as if I was contagious, was afraid to let my cousins around me unsupervised, and made it generally clear that I wasn't welcome. (Which is why it's been awhile since I've seen her.)

I'm sorry, anbuend. It's that kind of fear and intolerance that makes the world a little more... shall we say... "thinner."

My other grandmother likes me. It's just that one (and not that entire side of the family, just her and some of her relatives) who doesn't. I'm not particularly close to any of my extended family, but she's the only one (along with a few others) who really dislikes me as far as I know. And I'm not sure how much it's me, and how much it's who else I'm related to (although, also autistic, so...).

Ugh. I've got family like that, too.

I love and like my grandson. I mourn only because he is going to suffer because the NT world will bully him and call him names because he doesn't fit in. I worry about him all the time because both his parents work long hours and he is in daycare most of the time. He is only three and has spent most of his life in daycare! I only get to be with him on holidays. I want to be the one babysitting him and making sure he is not abused in any way, but I also still have a son and husband at home who need me. I am not only feeling a lot a guilt about being the one to pass this on to him, I am feeling a lot of guilt because I am not there for him, making sure all his needs are met.

{{{{{Bettyboo}}}}} That is a hard situation. I assume they live far away from you?

What is it with the biting discussions on the Aspie message boards (lol). Glad to see I'm not the only one spreading joy around everywhere I go.

Poems like that are supposed to be inspirational (in my opinion) and best not over-analyzed. Especially in the light that someone was just trying to be nice to post something. I also think that while in a sense all of us pass our genes onto our kids - it is just that the person who can get "blamed" tends to feel more responsible whether or not they should or want to. In our family it is pretty clear where the autism genes come from (besides myself, I also have three cousins with children diagnosed with autism). So - not only do you personally have feeling when things are difficult for your kids but others can blame you too.

And it is funny - my grandmothers actually both liked my very much because they knew I was different. I was content to be quiet and listen to them. My one grandma liked to play cards and I was smart enough to play poker and gin rummey when I was 4 so we would play cards and she would pass on all her wisdom which was quite extensive. My other grandmother liked to sew and I would sit quietly and watch her.

Thank you for the hug. I really needed it! I live in Indiana, My oldest daughter and her husband and my grandson live in Maryland. My daughter has asked me several times to come out and help out for a while. This always ends up in an argument with my husband because he doesn't want me to go. My husband had a heart attack a year ago. He is okay now but he is still afraid to be without me. My son graduates from high school in one week. I am busy helping him find a suitable college for his area of study. He wants to be a Computer Programmer, specializing in game design.

I want to apologize for being so mean. I was stressed and PMSing and feeling sorry for myself. I am sorry. I realize now, you were doing something nice for mothers day.

I think such things often are better analyzed, though, because often what is liked or viewed as inspirational, has real consequences to people's thinking, or reinforces basic (but false) assumptions (which is one reason it's "feel-good"). Here's one mother's analysis of some of these things:

http://www.silvercuckoo.com/Bethsarticles/feb2005.htm

I just don't see getting your theology/philosophy from a poem that strictly has the purpose to be "inspirational". If someone is not inspired than they don't need to fret that thousands are walking into the abyss by thinking that they are special moms.

I don't put any more stick in this poem than I do the article about having a child with "differences" like taking a trip to Holland (or whatever the versions are). It is just a commentary and nothing anyone should base their lifestyle on. I have seen people get all upset over that one too and write commentaries that it is supposed to be a trip to Beiruit instead or that Holland is a great place. When my daughter was born very prematurely she was in the NICU for about 2 months and I heard all kinds of stuff that was supposed to be nice or inspirational or some I didn't know what was meant by it (like God must be trying to tell you something). I guess to me this stuff is best to just try and accept these comments in the way they were meant to be offered and not pick apart every sentence.

On an autism board?

LOL - I know, I know. But really though - sometimes smile and nod, smile and nod is just easier.

Not really, it's easier to remain with my current expression and head inclinement, that way I don't actually have to move. Smiling requires I move my facial muscles, nodding requires moving my head. Sticking with current expression and head inclinement requires no extra effort on my part.