Tell your son/daughter about their dx

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My son was 7 when both when all of us learned he was AS. We didn't give him a lot of details, just things like, "you can see you are smart but have trouble with some things, and we're trying to figure out why," when starting the process and, at the end, "they have found the explanation, and your brain works differently. Some things will be easier for you, others more difficult, but now the school knows how to help you." Maybe a few more sentences that than, but that was pretty much it. I think we did give him the term, but he didn't really care about it. He was just so relieved there was an answer and to know everything was going to get better.

I think the "telling" is much like the telling of anything complicated: you give a very simple outline, and then let the child's reactions or questions lead you on how much more detail to fill in.

I just found this site, which by and large looks to be selling something, so caveat emptor - however, since other parents have run into the problem of their child refusing to accept a diagnosis, I found this article to be helpful.

http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/dont_have.html

We use the word Aspie in our house a lot. I never had to sit my son down and explain it to him it was just a natural thing. He asks why some kid doesnt understand him? its because that kid doesnt speak Aspie . He is very accepting of who he is and of his Asperger's. He doesnt look at it, at this point in his life, as a bad thing. To him its just a part of who he is. My Autie would not understand. If we told her she was Autistic she will say "Im Maddy"....she says this to everything...if I call her a pumpkin head I get the same response

Do any of your children come here to the site?

No, but my son is only 10. I imagine he might when he is a teenager...

Thank you, I just wondered as I joined yesterday, and said in a thread that I felt someone was being a little derogatory to others who had shared their stories and this member told me to 'Piss Off'.

Nice welcome...a little disturbing really that people can use that language, yet there are supposed to be site rules against swearing. I don't think I'd feel comfortable with my AS child coming to this site was my first concern.
1. That they would share intimate things in an unsupported environment as evidenced by;
2. someone would make fun of them,
3. That when someone said the criticiser was out of line that they were told to 'Piss Off'
4. That the criticiser gets to stay on the site despite contravening site rules.

As we all know, AS children are usually very logical and to me, others who are allowed to 'break the rules' sends a message and encourages our children to thus try and break the rules also, yet they may be unfairly punished...this blurriness of rules of the site concerns me.

I find it curious that a doctor would advise against telling her. Last December we just got the diagnosis for AS for my 12 year old daughter. Not only did the doctor encourage telling her, he stated that she would be less troubled by the diagnosis than we were at the time. This not only proved to be true, but quite helpful to the process.

After telling my daughter briefly about her condition, her response was a simple shrug, and an "ok." I also brought home a number of AS books from the library that day. The next day after school, she took one of the books and read it completely before I got home that evening. She gave me a review as to the parts she thought were accurate about her, and the parts that didn't apply.

Her knowing more about her own limitations and strengths has enabled her to adapt, and has provided her with a sense of relief, at least now she knew "why"

My parents didn't tell me about AS until I asked them about it. This probably had something to do with the fact that my pediatrician called me autistic when I was 9 and I stuck mental needles into a mental voodoo doll of him. I suppose my parents got the perception that I was a bit perturbed, because at the time, AS wasn't on the books and autism was usually associated with mental retardation, and that I certainly was not.

I recently told my 8yo (close to 9) daughter about her AS in a very basic way because there have been alot of doctor visits and tension at home between mom and dad. While she didn't ask about it, I know she hears and internalizing everything. So, I sat her down and told her she has Asperger's, it's not an illness, she is not sick in any way. And I told her I have it too. It's just a fancy word for people like us that think differently than other people. When she's ready to know more, I know she'll ask,

We told my son last year when he was 8 turning 9 and it was a relief to him. It made him understand why he was feeling so different from the other kids. The problem we had was once we told him his teacher wanted him to tell the whole class. I just recently wrote about it on my blog. Check it out if your are interested.

http://www.blog.mamasturnnow.com/2011/0 ... -nice-guy/

I think when you tell your child is a very individual thing. You know your child better than any doctor or therapist. You know how your child will react. The biggest thing was letting him know that it was okay. We all have something... Asperger's is his something. Asthma is my daughters and husbands... I have vertigo... when we broke it down like that... well it made him feel better. The book I mention in the article on the blog above helped to. I can't remember the name of it off hand but it is in the article. It is something like Mystery Bottle.

Hope this helps some.

My brother was diagnosed when he was around 8 years old. It could have been younger, I'm not 100% sure.

My parents did not tell anyone. They didn't tell him, and they didn't tell me or my other siblings. He is now almost 30, and was only just told very recently.

I don't think it is fair not to tell your kids about their own diagnoses. When he was told and went ballistic. He is angry, hurt, upset.... it wasn't fair to keep it from him.

Something that can happen is that you intend to tell someone something important, but you don't know how. You try to find the "right time" but it never manifests. Suddenly, 20 years have passed, and you've not done a thing about it. There will never be a better time than now. It is their life, it is their diagnosis. Tell them as soon as they are old enough to understand.

Not all of us necessarily want to be millionaires, in fact I find the idea quite unappealing in a lot of ways. But other then that I do agree it is best to let one know if they have autism, I think I would have liked to have known that so I didn't have to blame all my flaws on somehow being a horrible person or something.

i think age and maturity level as well. My son is 6, and has no idea he is different. He has never asked why he gets services like speech, social group and OT, and some kids dont. He never says kids dont like him, or he is different. He has no awareness. I have ASKED him to look around at the other kids, what are they doing? What are they thinking about what you are doing, etc...he has no clue. I think if I told him now, he would be baffled! When he was diagnosed, his psychiatrist explained Aspergers to him as a different way of seeing the world, and experiencing the world, etc...and he didnt even ask what that was or why he was telling him about it. It went right overhis head!

He never asked about why we go to the psychiatrist, or when he went to the therapist, in his world everyone does these things. Same goes for his cleft lip and palate. He never once questioned why he has it and others dont. He actually assumes everyone has it. His baby sister has asked more questions about his cleft and she is 3!

I do plan on telling him, but hopefully another few years of maturity will help him get it! but not 20 years...I want to tell him when he is a child, like maybe between 8-10 he will be more receptive.

My DS is 12 and I have not told him ! I think I will but right now he realy needs to think he is like all the other kids. He is extremely intelligent and I suspect he knows ! He has a bff who has it and knows infact he told me he thinks they have the same thing ! I am still on the fence as I think I may have or had it myself and there was no diagnosis for this as I am old and I learned how to deal with my issues just fine !

I believe kids should be told in honest neutral terms as soon as possible.

Dredging up an old post because I saw this blog entry and thought it was a good look at what this looks like from the other side: http://the-art-of-autism.com/breaking-o ... ism-story/