How to intervene on/prevent possible bullying?

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Kailuamom, I see your point. However -I did see it happen before (just not yesterday) at least I did see the blowing in the face but I didn't see the chop to the arm. Also, I don't need to be overly stern with the child-just let her know that *I KNOW* and that it isn't acceptable. However, I am not "good" at determining what is appropriate in this situation (I can be pretty socially inept at times ) and I don't want to "overstep" my authority and piss off her parents or the teacher. I also don't want to bother an already busy teacher with something so petty, or teach my daughter to "tell" on the girl as a method of dealing with the problem.

Maybe I'm overthinking this...I just don't want to #1 make it a bigger deal or #2 make anyone angry with me redirecting the girl. .

Get your daughter a dollar store water pistol and tell her to "blow" water back at the little snot.
It'll raise a ruckus with the teachers and yet it's a harmless (but satisfying) response to the abuse.

Even if the water gun is stolen, broken, or taken away by the teachers or the other kid, your daughter will
1. no longer be a passive victim
2. have learned that there are more delicate alternatives to punching, when tattle-telling doesn't get the job done (which it obviously hasn't).
3. Responding with an action rather than words is sometimes the only way to bring the situation to the point where the other parent and the teachers will pay due attention to the fact that this is bullying. They will want to prevent escalation. And you already have the verbal report on record, so this won't be your daughter's fault / instigation. Call it premeditated defense.

I know there was at least one occassion where I was being tormented and I simply took a rock and bopped the bastard over his loud obnoxious head because noone was helping me and I was finally too frustrated with the situation. If someone had given me a pillow, I would have used that and been just as satisfied. In fact, less regrettful. I still feel guilty for doing that. (He was fine, by the way.)

Don't let her get to the point where all she can do is strike back. Give her a pillow - or a water pistol. Or simply a water balloon if you don't like guns. I think water for air is a good exchange.

I don't think so - I think you are well within bounds to take action of some kind. Can you email the teacher? It might give you a chance to order your thoughts and express yourself clearly, and to remind him/her why your daughter is particularly vulnerable. If you do, make sure you ask the teacher to respond let you know how he/she handled the situation.

Well this situation has blown up as I feared it would. I thought things were going a lot better, although today when I went to pick up my daughter from school I was met at the door by the mother of the other child and she greeted me with "Are you aware that YOUR child is being mean to my child and that she was disciplined yesterday for doing so? What are YOU going to do about this?" This caught me completely off guard because I was not aware or informed of this. It turns out, upon questioning the teacher, that she witnessed an aggressive action by my daughter on the other girl and my daughter was removed and disciplined. Now this has me pretty upset because I was aware of the invasive actions of this other girl and had coached my daughter on protecting herself and evading the girl's aggressiveness. Now, upon questioning my VERY distraught and confused daughter (who was saying she was sick yesterday but did not tell me about the disciplinary action and she also refused to go to school today which is not that unusual but she was very upset this morning) she has told me that the girl just drives her "crazy" and is always in her face and no matter if she tells the teacher or not the girl continues to pick at her and get in her face and she had had enough so she aggressively went at the girl when she attempted the behaviors yesterday. The teacher seems unsympathetic towards my daughter, is not taking the AS into consideration, and I was unable to convey how expecting my daughter to maintain composure more than she already has is expecting more than she is capable. Now I do not know how to sit all the parties down and try to explain this, nor do I know how to explain the factor of AS. As you guys know, once our children become negatively imprinted, as my daughter has, it is unreasonable to expect her to "put the past behind her" and be friends and make nice with this girl. I spoke to my daughter at great length about this today while she became very frustrated and upset and I have to admit I think I would be the same! She has been tormented by this girl (according to her) and it just reached the breaking point. On one hand I am SO VERY PROUD of my daughter for dealing with the situation so well up to this point and completely understanding of her viewpoint but I also understand you may not lash out at your peers under ANY circumstance. But we cannot allow our kids to be bullied and "take it" so I really need to find the PC way to help everyone understand what is going on without sounding nasty and vindictive toward the other girl. How do you say "your daughter deserved it" nicely?

So now I am unsure how to proceed in this situation. Any suggestions?

Do you have an outside social worker? It helped us tremendously to have our social worker at our last 504 meeting. It costs money, but they are more prepared to listen to a professional (who may or may not have a lot of experience with your particular child) than a parent.

Oh mama.... I'm sorry - but not surprised.

We are in this too. My Ds is getting bullied (either intentionally or as a matter of his AS perspective). When he gets bullied and it gets physical - he has a complete AGGRESSIVE meltdown.

We have talked and talked about the cant hurt self, others or stuff no matter what and he just can't seem to do it. Once when we were talking about a school that I think would be a good fit for him I said "to go to this school, you will have to be able to keep your hands to yourself, even if someone starts it or hits you first". He was dumbfounded, that if someone else broke the rules that they would still apply to him. He was also dumbfounded that he could get hit first at a place that had such rules. He said - "shouldn't the fact that it's against the rules mean that I won't get hit?"

Poor baby - they try so hard and exhaust all of thier resources trying to do the right thing, which they can only do for so long. He has worked hard to get to a point where it really does take someone physically assaulting him, but he's in a class where kids do that (it's the nature of thier disability).

I'm sorry you are having this trouble. I don't think my son's psyche could handle an NT environment -just to hard!

I'm hoping that I can get him in an environment where he can be safe from kids hitting and taunting him.

My suggestion would be to talk to someone in the administration who outranks the teacher; it may take a few days to get an appointment. Explain the situation, and ask if there's some way to keep your girl apart from the other girl to avoid problems. Maybe they can come up with something like sitting them on opposite sides of the classroom or something, depending on how the school is set up.

You might have to talk to the teacher first, but given the situation you describe, it seems to me the teacher might be more receptive to suggestions coming from someone in authority.

You might get better suggestions from others whose kids have been in more similar situations, though.