stimming and obsessions

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well, i don't know abut that! most of the kids he knows are into super mario and stuff on the DS, everyone has a DS, he has a girlfriend with whom he exchanges youtube links ( on paper lol) in his class, so i guess a kid with no access to a computer at all would be a lot more socially impaired....kind of like i was in my time because i read too much when i should have been watching cartoons to have conversations subjects for the next day....see what i mean?

In my experience, being involved in fandom is GREAT for developing social skills (and making parents worry, for reasons I can't totally fathom). It let me work with figuring out how other people will react to things after having large samples of their behavior, and since I was always active in fandoms that were my special interests, it was a double benefit. (Also prompted me to research all sorts of topics.) But trust me when I say that the only good sites for this are all-ages and are usually littered with coarse language and innuendo, and sometimes porn. I can't for the life of me figure out why parents think that's such a heavy price to pay that they'd rather keep their kids from it...

...You could give him his own computer in his room and leave him to it. Then he'd either be on that or, if stimming, he'd be stimming in a place you wouldn't mind.

But that's really not something you want him to suppress; definitely sounds like the issue is just separating he house into yours and his, the latter being where he stims.

He's 9 years old, so having access to coarse language and porn is obviously not a good idea. He needs supervision and he needs to be around people. His friends are interested in their DS games and such right now, but that will change in 2-4 years for a lot of his peers. you want him to have other interests so he won't be left behind when his friends begin to move on to other things.

You are a good mom. Trust your instincts. Well rounded kids are usually the happiest.

It really can as he gets older. I didn't get my first computer until I was in my mid-twenties, but now my computer is my lifeline to the world. Financially, informationally, and socially. It is hard for a neurotypical person to understand, but autistic people can benefit greatly from computers in many ways. I would be 100 times more impaired without mine. And if I'd had my own at age 9, I'd probably be a highly successful programmer now instead of a work-at-home mom barely earning enough money to get by....

I honestly don't mean to be contradictory, just sharing a very different point of view.

i'm not sure how old your kid is, but mine is five and EXTREMELY bouncy. one day i took him to an outdoor community function and they had one of these things for the kids to bounce on:



he bounced on this thing for like, and hour and a half. when he was done and we went home (which i had to drag him off the thing when it was time to go) i'm telling you, he was like a different kid. I've always read that getting the exercise and adrenaline going is really helpful for the behavior of hyperactive kids. I think it was that and perhaps more than that for him. He seems to have a sensory need to jump and feel his body crash into stuff. and when there is an outlet for that sensory need, he can get it all out of his system for the day, he's much calmer and more satisfied.

being that he likes to bounce up and then let his body fall (like on all fours mainly) and roll around and stuff, i'm not sure how a trampoline would work for him. if they are soft enough to provide the sensory outlet of letting his body crash into them, and i don't know if a small one would be big enough, but i will try one. but the inflatable bouncer was just so perfect for that.

i live in a rural area, not much to do around here, no child gyms, but amazon has inflatable thingies on it, and walmart has those things, so i will be getting one for him soon.

Maybe there is a child gym in your area that you could take him to on a regular basis to let him get it all out of his system if you don't have much room at home or a trampoline or bouncing thing.

My son has an inflatable castle bouncer that we get out from time to time, but it takes up the entire living room and requires a lot of hole-patching effort. He has a trampoline, but some parts are broken so it hasn't been used in a long time. All of these things to keep him happy are expensive and a lot of effort.

ooooh yeah, i know about those...we can't pass one in the summer without him begging to go. interrestingly enough i always say "yes"to this, even if we're not alone and i have to ignore what my mother/partner/anyone says. he does crash. falls on the ground, even rolling on walls if you see what i mean. but i have no room fr such a thing, what he also showed me in this toy book of his was an inflatable ball, like bubble wrap but huge, that you can get into and roll. he also wanted that....i'll check that up. i think it was more expensive though.
and pamo, you give good advice and i also don't want to be looking ungrateful or something, but when you say well rounded children are the most successful, it's true, but how could he ever get well rounded if when he's not on the computer he basically spends hours stimming ? nothing else is attractive to him. he only uses his former DS interrest to socialise, because my instinct tells me he's keeping it artificially alive so he can have something in common with the boys at school. that and beyblade thingies.
he's never going to be into soccer, even if i chain a ball to his feet......

they do make smaller, room-sized ones I think. there is another sensory website that i read up on ideas for toys, and they said that if the child likes to crash into stuff, bean bags are good. some one else suggested an inflatable mattress to put on the floor and let him bounce around on it from time to time. (still not sure how old your kid is, though, or if this is feasible....) i'll see if i can find the website for more ideas....basically the idea is that he can get it all out of their system perhaps once a day or several times a week, and they are more happier and it cuts down on the stemming a lot.

just thought about something: having an inflatable castle IN YOUR HOUSE can be an awesome way to make tons of friends lol.........
he's almost 9 by the way.

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder. ... ities.html

oh wow...i've just started reading but something caught my eye: i have ankle and wrist weights that i use to work out. he used to walked around with those tied to his ankles a lot round age 5 to 7....he said he just liked it. that's funny! and i'm talking random so i will stop lol.
just adding he also checked the pogo stick on his list. it's basically a list of bouncy stuff for santa.

Yay! bouncy things are always fun. (i'm trying to find an inflatable thing that will accomodate the weight of a grownup... i may or may not have stole a few bounces on that bouncy thing that day while no one was looking....!)

i was getting ready to suggest weighted things. Weighted vests are a big hit. I think they would be for my kid too. He likes traipse around with his bookbag on his back, and i just recently figured out that it is probably that weight that he likes.

have fun! if you poke around that website I linked, there are a LOT of suggestions for each of the senses.

well i'm reading, and discovering myself , my son, my daughter in the process lol...thank you very much for the link, i had no idea ! having a list is much easier than trying to remember "well, indeed i could never stand the seams in socks"or such trivial details ( i've often wondered why none ever designed seamless socks though....)

Strange. I usualy leave my 3-day pack on on deployments. I'd guestimate it's weight at 50-60 pounds. (maybe I should step on the scale with it, and see how much it really weighs). When I was in school, I tore through backpacks because of how loaded they were...

Hello

I'm just stopping by, and thought I would take time to answer your questions.

1. Stimming isn't a bad thing, so you don't need to worry about limiting or restricting it. There are some times when stimming can be problematic (i.e. looked upon as crazy). But as you said, your child is taking steps to curtail it when in public, so I don't think you have anything to worry about there. Your main concern is just that it is bothering you at home, which is a valid concern since you have to share a residence. To that end, separating yourself and your son is a fairly reasonable idea. Telling him to please stim in his room alone isn't an unreasonable request. Likewise, you could retire to your bedroom and watch TV, read, or do whatever, while he stims in the kitchen. Also, as others have mentioned, getting your child ways to stim more effectively (such as a weighted vest, or trampoline) are good ways for him to get his energy out. I personally enjoy flopping about and rolling on my bed (it is a nice queen size bed). If you are on a budget, you can get an inflatable queen size mattress from eBay for cheep. See the example bellow:

http://compare.ebay.com/like/2805726711 ... 602_304662

Walmart, and other stores will likely have a similar option in the camping section for maybe 30-40$ depending on size and features.

2. Don't worry about him getting too much computer time. I grew up on the computer practically. I think I averaged about 5-6 hours per day from middle school forward. The notion that 'computers are bad for you' is a false idea, put forth by people who are afraid of new things that their children are doing. It is similar to the old idea that reading comic books makes you illiterate. Plus, which do you think is better at developing his critical thinking and problem solving skills? Working on the computer, or running around all day kicking a ball. There is the argument that playing on the computer doesn't involve as much socializing as something like playing with friends outside. But if your child is like most autistic children then he gets far more then enough socializing at school. What he needs when he gets home is time to relax and unwind, not more socializing to drain his already depleted reserves.

There is, of course, practical limitations on the computer. For example, if he has to go to bed at 9:30 pm (in order to get enough sleep and be ready for school the next day) then he probably shouldn't be on the computer past 9pm, which leaves him 30 minutes to shower, change, and get ready for bed. Also, setting aside an hour in the evenings for dinner/homework would be reasonable in most situations. But that still leaves you with a lot of time for the computer. So, 3pm (home from school) till 6 pm (dinner time) and 7pm (after homework) till 9pm (bedtime) are available for the computer. That way your child has plenty of available time to pursue his hobbies, enjoy himself, relax, and unwind, while still taking care of the important things in life like sleep, and food.

thank you for taking the time to answer in such details. you mentionned a routine for sleeping and eating, and we do have that, at least the children do, i'm autistic too and have clear ideas on what time they should be in bed, and he plays the DS in bed before falling asleep , so he goes to bed at 8.30. This allows some time for him to totally relax in the dark without thinking too much and be able to fall asleep, when i check at 9.30 he's usually turned it off already. i used to read in bed until 1 in the morning at his age, so i'd say he's better than i was before i had learnt to read, i used to tire myself out by waving my arms and wrists above myself in bed, so i could relax and fall asleep. i know stimming isn't a bad thing, don't worry about that, but i myself have some sensory difficulties , so we need to find common ground so that we're BOTH relaxed enough at the end of the day.
i think my problem with the computer came from his teacher. she told me he only talks about that and asked how long he spent on it every day. she was saying "is it more than one hour?"and i was thinking oh god, shouldn't i lie there?? he didn't get a diagnosis yet, it's on the way, but until then i don't want the school knowing anything , he's starting to make friends ( new village) and it seems to be going ok enough, don't want them to start calling him weird again. so i have to put up with the ignorance, because even after the diagnosis, they won't know what autism is. i am french and french people are extremely uneducated about this, we are behind in research and reject knowledge coming from other more advanced countries. i guess i'm going to have to come out and give them conferences lol...........