Looking back for childhood symptoms

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My son is 5 now, and I knew from 1 yr of age that something was going on. He was diagnosed at 2.5 yrs of age as PDD-NOS possible Asperger's.

My son was a very late walker (21 mos). He did not play with toys very much. He has never played with children. His speech has developed, but it has taken a very strange path. He did a lot of repeating of what was said to him (echolalia). He has poor fine and gross motor skills. He flaps his hands at times. He is obsessed with Volkswagens. He does have good eye contact and is social with adults. He has gone through periods where he has very low energy levels. He was a very poor sleeper up until about 3 yrs of age. He just never really seems to "get" things like other kids his age.

Hope that helps. Good luck with your decision.

The signs in my son have always been subtle, and I don't think we would ever have gone looking to connect all those dots if we hadn't had a co-morbid issue with writing, and this growing sense almost as soon as he started school that 2 + 2 weren't creating 4.

I do think spectrum children tend to have always been different, but not necessary in a bad way. Everyone thought I had a future genius on my hands, and a highly social one. He was fearless in social situations as a toddler and preschooler; I guess he just wasn't socially aware enough to be afraid. So, it can all show up in surprising ways.

But he was always different. He slept less, talked more, moved more, and clashed with other children more. For a quiet spectrum child, you could probably say that they withdrew more. But, whatever their personality, odds are you saw "more" of it.

I don't know how one confronts one's parents on this topic, or vice a versa. I worked for a while with a man that I told the company owner right off, "he reminds me of my son. I wouldn't be surprised if he was AS" (the guy's position in the firm was secure, btw, but everyone would talk about his unique quirks). But telling the young man's mother - or the young man himself - was trickier. I stayed out of that, and I don't know if anyone ever breached that gap; with an adult, there isn't always good reason to. I guess what happens, if you do want to share the information, is that you look for an opening, a comment that might lead into the revelation.

I didn't have an easy time telling my family about my son's diagnosis, and they were really skeptical at first. Now they've bought so far into it that they are wondering if I've always been AS ... who knows, really. Once someone has grown up and figured out how to work around whatever issues they have, it seems like a mute point - unless it isn't a mute point to the person involved.

I agree.

When our school psychologist was giving us her diagnosis of our son, and began explaining Asperger's to us, every sentence was like a kick in the gut. She dredged up countless bad memories of childhood and grade school just with brief descriptions of symptoms. I knew before she was done with two sentences that I was undoubtedly dealing with Asperger's myself.

My mom knew we'd been having issues with our son, and of course wanted to be kept in the loop. It was all I could do to tell her he had been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, and that after hearing the diagnosis, and related discussion, I was certain I had it, too. I gave her only the correct spelling to type into Google, and left her to draw her own conclusions.

When we next spoke, we didn't say very much, because she welled up with tears as well. Much of her childhood had come rushing back in the same way. I realize that there's no ironclad, conclusive evidence that autism is hereditary, but I sure as heck believe it is now. Telling her that her grandson, and very likely her son as well, were both on the spectrum, that's one of the hardest things I've had to do, but I'm glad I did.

I had to revisit this ground just a few weeks ago. My brother has been married for about two years, and he and his wife are talking about starting a family. They have already discussed several potential health concerns for their kids, from the history of both of their lineages. I had to pull him aside at a family gathering, and add autism to the list. He took it well, but boy did that conversation suck. Suuuuuuuuuuuck. Having our mom in on the discussion after that was such a relief, especially as we all watched my son at the party interacting with his brothers and cousins, and my brother's eyes were opened to a much deeper reality.

[sigh]

I am convinced that my father is the link on my side of the family too. I would never suggest it to him because I don't think it would be productive. He's always been able to understand things that I say more quickly than anyone in my family, because I believe he can relate.

OP, be careful telling your parents. I am 37 and I realized that I had AS when my son started showing signs. My mother always suspected that I did, but did nothing about it (this is a running theme in my childhood). When I presented to her that she was right all along, she immediately protested and argued with me about it. My brother did the same thing. I just don't go there with my family anymore. It's not worth it. I can talk to my husband about it and he handles it fine.