What is your take on letting your kid watch horror movies?

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At what point in the past would you say children were more isolated from the harsh realities of the world, including death, than they are now? The word "lost" implies that we once had such perspective, but I personally feel that I was hamstrung by having almost no exposure to what life is really like. I've only seen death once and it was dressed up nicely and cleanly in a coffin. I'm not sure I could kill my own food if I lived 100 years ago as the idea makes me ill, and I feel like losing a child as an infant (as was very common not long ago) would absolutely destroy my will to live in a way that would not have happened in the past when people saw death and violence all around them.

Not that I think it's "good" to show our kids really gory or psychologically scarring movies, but we keep children immature and isolated for far longer than people did in the past so when people bring up "downfall of society" type things I'm always confused about when they think the world was the way they claim we should go back to.

I respectfully disagree. Not that I advocate children watching horror films, but I don't think it's necessarily a good idea to keep them completely sheltered in a fantasy, child-like world. It's a good thing to gently expose kids to real life , in moderation and along with guidance. We shouldn't burden kids with adult problems, but we should allow them to develop thoughts and emotions on not-so-pleasant issues. After all, it's our job to prepare them for the real world, not just protect them from it. Besides, I'm much more disturbed by the media's grasp on our kids - turning them into mega-consumers. Commercials aimed at kids bother me more than the nightly news.

I'm not sure what "life is really like" where you live, but where I live, it's not like a horror movie. I'm not commenting on exposing children in appropriate ways to the harsh realities of life, I'm commenting on a thread about letting kids watch horror films.

My child's "real life" is not, in any way, comparable to a horror film. He's not going to learn ANY life lessons from watching Nightmare on Elm Street or Saw. And if he IS going to learn life lessons from them - then isn't that a pretty good reason to keep kids away from those films? It gives them a false sense of what the real world is really like - a false sense of insecurity and doom and gruesomeness. For a child on the spectrum, you can multiply that exponentially.

My son lived through his grandmother, my mother, dying of cancer while she lived with us. THAT is real life. Getting him to watch horror movies wasn't on my list of how to prepare him for losing someone he loved.

And when I say "lost perspective" I'm not going very far back - when I was a child (1970s) the level of graphic content that we exposed children to in the media was FAR more appropriate than it is now. It is a slippery slope - and it's human nature to slide down that slope. I feel we have slid much to far in terms of sheltering our kids.

At some point the concept of "sheltering" kids became a negative concept (you can bet your wallet the media did that on purpose - it's called expanding their market). But I believe that is OUR JOB as parents. If someone is not willing to be the one to say "no, you're not old enough for that" then they are not ready to parent.

I missed the part where I said we should keep them sheltered in a "fantasy world"? A child's world of innocence is not a fantasy. It is THEIR reality. Adults keep stealing that from them, because OUR reality is different - but blurring or eliminating the line between childhood and adulthood, by calling childhood a "fantasy world", is a HUGE societal and parental mistake.

All we are doing is reducing the number of years our kids have to develop a positive, healthy view of humanity and the world around them. Kids need to have some age and maturity before they can intellectually process the "real world". There is NO benefit in dragging them into the adult world before they are ready to do that.

I think we're losing sight of the topic for the thread: horror movies. I do let my son, age 7, watch the nightly news (there are a few stories I turn off - like serial murderers described in detail etc). I do expose him gradually and appropriately to what the "real world" is like, and at the same time I help him see how we have the power collectively to change what we don't like about the "real world".

However, none of that has anything to do with young children watching horror movies.

I think you missed my point and I completely disagree with the notion that we are "reducing the number of years our kids have to develop a positive, healthy view of humanity and the world around them." Just because there is less censorship on tv does NOT mean that kids today deal with more adult problems. Back in the day kids may have watched Howdy Doody and pregnancy was a taboo topic, but daddy beat the crap out of mommy if she burnt supper and little Jimmy got the belt if he spoke out of turn. Kids today live in bubbles. That can be a good thing, but not always. I cringe when I see a teenager completely unable to do a load of laundry because "that's grown-up work."

Anyway, I think this disussion relates to horror movies in the respect that it deals with the issue of sheltering kids. IMO, if a kid thinks something is forbidden, they're more than likely to seek it out on their own. When they discover things in this way, there is no parent present to make it a teachable moment. Much like sex ed and junk food, I want to be the one who teaches my kids right from wrong and fact from friction. In the original case posted, the child did sneak out and see the movie anyway, so was it really effective parenting to just say no and leave it at that? I would say no, but that's just my opnion.

I'm sorry, but your logic is flawed. By your description, we should eliminate all movie ratings and let our10 year olds watch violent and graphic rape scenes, because they are teachable moments, and they will seek them out if we say "no".

Nonsense.

I firmly believe that our kids rely on us to make mature and responsible decisions for them when they are too young to understand what is unhealthy for them. We are losing generations of kids to parents who just aren't willing to really parent their kids.

I believe in allowing kids to be innocent for as long as they want to be innocent.

When they stop enjoying their own innocence, you go with the flow and slowly start allowing them to experience scarier or more touchy things, while offering a contextual framework to help with healthy value formation.

My kids don't watch the nightly news, but they are aware of the major horrific events of the world, which we will inform them of in an age appropriate manner, when necessary. I know they will hear buzz, and I want them to have an understanding appropriate to their level of development and interest, instead of using their wild imaginations to fill in what we didn't tell them.

My kids are not tempted to take a prohibited movie into their rooms to sneak a watch. If I don't think they should see a movie, they know exactly why. If they desperately want to see it anyway, I'll agree to it, and be sure to watch it with them. The once or twice that has happened, they have always turned it off part way through, and said, "next time I'll listen to you, mom!" They trust me to know what they can handle and what they can't, because it is a constant dialogue in our house. They appreciate the shelter, and know that it is set by their needs, and not by some ideal I hold. They are, actually, far more sheltered than many of their peers, but they feel it is at least in part their choice, so there is no resistance to it, just appreciation.

To follow up on something Caitlin noted, My son attended his first funeral when he was 3. Shelter from media is not the same thing as shelter from the things happening in your own backyard. The later you confront because they are real; the former you don't have to confront because it is supposed to be entertainment and enhancement; it isn't real.

Perhaps a bit of a hyperbole on your part? No, we should not eliminate movie ratings and no, I would not let my 10 year old watch violent rape scenes. I think DW a mom said it best about going with the flow of your own children. If it's something they deperately want to see, watch it with them and allow them to learn for themselves why mom didn't think it was such a good idea. This allows them to learn to set their own limits (especially important if you're sending your kid away to college), and at the same time builds trust. The child knows why you're saying no - often important for aspies as well.

Besides, focusing on "naughty media" contributes to our loss of focus on the real dangers our kids face. Ronald McDonald has killed way more people than Freddy Krueger ever has. Maybe it's time to re-examine our priorities.

So... you would let your 10 year old watch the movie with the violent rape scene - you would just watch it with him? And then you would let the 10 year old decide if a violent rape is within his own limits? I don't think that is DW's point. I think DW would agree we, as parents, sometimes need to set our own limits for what we expose our children to.

The bottom line is parents must be wise and strong enough to recognize situations where their child is not ready to set their own limits. Many horror films made these days include scenes of brutal sexual violence, violence against women (as did older films) and themes (not just images) that are FAR too mature for our kids to process in a healthy way.

And I don't believe parents have to choose between issues of healthy food and healthy media exposure. They are not mutually exclusive. I am capable, as a parent, of prioritzing both.

As a culture, apparently, we are not.

I can't imagine my kids wanting to watch a movie with a violent rape scene. That would be rated R, and they've accepted without question that children are not supposed to watch movies rated R - the LAW says so

My 10 year old daughter actually asked me the other day how some kids at school could be allowed to watch R movies. I told her that the law is only enforced in the theaters; at home, it is the parent's choice. She just looked at me and told me, "that isn't right. Those parents shouldn't do that!"

I think people are getting a little too focused on the extremes here. Very few kids would ever want to see something that is that far off from being age appropriate (a little, yes, makes them feel "cool," but too much - not interested); in a healthy household with a nice balance of shelter v. real world, it shouldn't even come up. If it does, you most likely have a deeper issue going on, and a whole different conversation to engage in (peer pressure, the family life at friend's houses, etc). The kids I know who watch stuff I would be horrified to consider (pretty much talking R with elementary school kids), have other issues in their lives; the inappropriate movie choices are just the tip of the iceberg.

I get the sense people are talking past each other here, but not actually making dramatically different choices.

Here's our real life example:

My kids have seen all the Harry Potter movies from the time they arrived in the stores (my son gets overwhelmed in theaters, so we avoided that for years). My daughter has been watching them since she was in preschool; she just loves creepy / scary (her favorite movie for a long time was the Nightmare before Christmas). The Harry Potter movies are SCARY. But with each movie, my kids had read the books first, and the some of the worst parts had been discussed extensively. No sex, no swearing, just lots of fantasy fright. But the later ones are rated PG-13 and my SIL was shocked I allowed them. But, then again, she seems to be shocked by everything I do, and I have no intention of exhausting myself trying to follow in her apparently perfect footsteps.

But I can't think of any other scary movies they want to see. We rented Caroline and my daughter - the one who loves creepy/scary - had nightmares. That is supposed to be LESS scary. Not to my unique child!

When the last Harry Potter came out, we took my daughter's friend with us. The girls had planned it for MONTHS. Later, however, when the girls were planning a sleepover, I saw my daughter's friend holding back as my daughter suggested a Harry Potter marathon. It turns out she had nightmares after seeing the latest movie in the theaters, but hadn't told anyone. So we all talked about that and told her it was fine to be afraid, she shouldn't worry about admitting it, and that we certainly didn't want to give her nightmares, so a different movie was picked for the sleepover.

Every child is different.

You have to know your unique child.

Isn't that one of the most important things we all do, to start with?

I'm trying to remember what movie we turned off mid-way, and I can't remember. I don't think is particularly a horror movie; just something that was too realistic for the kids and, by that fact, way scarier than they wanted it to be. Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings (another of my daughter's favorites, except we skip the giant spider part) clearly have nothing to do with OUR real lives, and that makes them less scary.

Thinking about it, if my 13 year old son wanted to see something rated R, I would let him, and watch with him. He's reading Edgar Allen Poe, and has studied the Holocaust extensively; if he wants to confront the worst aspects of human nature, it seems to me like he already HAS, and the rest is more a matter of how far he's going to delve into it, and in what manners (fantasy, realist, etc). Which, thankfully, he has ZERO interest in doing.

I think I did point out that I was referring to the larger assumptions you made about society. You phrased your opposition to horror movies in terms of how we as a society don't "let kids be kids" anymore. It was fair to comment on that.



My kids won't watch those movies either for any time in the foreseeable future, but again, when you claim that your views are due to a larger judgment about "people today" it's fair to question that.



Do you then believe that children should only be allowed to watch movies that reflect reality to keep them from getting "a false sense of what the real world is like"? Again, my kids don't watch really bad horror movies, but if this is your reasoning for keeping your kids from them, then it also stands to reason that you don't show your kids movies that are "happy" yet false either right? Like, "Babe, Pig in the City" wouldn't be OK?



Again, I was responding to your "this is all a symptom of how we don't let kids be kids anymore" and asked you why you felt that way. Kids today are very sheltered compared to almost any point in the past. I'm not suggesting that you should let your child watch horror movies that I wouldn't even let my kid watch to "prepare" them for anything (and I didn't), but that looking only at mass media's glossy version of "reality" is no substitute for actual reality and that "kids today" are in fact more sheltered than they were.



Again, downfall of society stuff is almost never backed up with facts anytime I see it. Teenage pregnancy was way higher, gun violence in schools was the same whereas other types of violence in the schools was MUCH higher (in fact school violence has been falling steady since then), the homicide rate now is half of what it was, the property crimes rate is a little bit lower now than it was, and violent crime in general has sharply dropped off. And that doesn't even include things like less racism, better educational options, and longer lives. It only SEEMS like "things today" are so much worse because we have instant access to news from all over the world every day, all day. School shootings and scandals from another state might have taken days to be reported on your local news from across the country in the past, and by then it wouldn't be nearly as relevant, plus let's not underestimate the internet. Just because we hear about bad things more often does not mean things are really any worse.

Please don't respond with "So we should let our kids watch horror movies!?!" because that is totally not what I'm saying. You are proposing that the exposure kids had in the 1970's was more "appropriate" for kids than today, but if that's true, then maybe the exposure in the 1970's isn't something we should go back to. Why weren't kids less violent, and less likely to get knocked up in high school? People who feel like society is on a downward slope and that everything is going to Hell in a hand basket have never been able to accurately show me that this is the case with facts, though I am open to it if I missed something. As it stands, returning to the 1970's seems like a bad plan.



I believe it is my job as a parent to look at the actual facts. Parenting by opinion alone perpetuates ignorance. I'm not sure what part of "I don't let my kids watch certain movies" you misunderstood here, but when I see dire warnings about the down fall of society with absolutely nothing backing it up, I will comment. I understand that it's super popular to talk about how "things today are not like they were" (and it always has been popular), but frankly I couldn't be happier that things aren't like they were. I enjoy living in a world where I'm less likely to get killed and my kids are less likely to get bullied and my minority friends are less likely to be lynched. Maybe our priorities are different though.

When a parent forbids a child something, this achieves more than the child simply not doing that thing. A child who has been forbidden something can still find ways to sneakily get at it, which is exactly what happened in the OP. I did it constantly as a child myself. Does this mean that it isn't effective parenting? I don't think so at all. Because the other thing that happens when a parent forbids something is that the child knows the parent does not approve of it, does not condone it, and this doesn't get nullified by the child sneaking access.

If a parent allows a child to watch a horror movie such as Final Destination, they are in some sense condoning it's nihilistic world view even if they say "I don't approve of this, but you can watch it anyway". When a parent forbids it and the child sneaks it anyway, they have those scenes imprinted on their mind and that can't be undone, but they also have the firm knowledge that their parents neither share nor approve of this way of looking at the world. That's a powerful thing and it doesn't get undone by the kid sneaking access.

When I was a kid I was forbidden to watch horror movies or even any movie with an R rating. Unsurprisingly I managed to sneak access. Even as I was sneaking access, I knew I was sneaking and that my parents didn't want me to see the world in that grim and terrible way. Although I still managed to see some forbidden movies, I did absorb the message that this wasn't how the world should be and they didn't think those worldviews were a good thing. That message stayed with me just as strongly as the terrible images.

I think I know what Caitlin meant. A few posts up I noted that my daughter asked why some kids her age are allowed to watch R rated movies, something which she thinks, btw, is wrong. Part of our talk was that it isn't always so much that the parents are "allowing" the kids to watch those movies as it is that the parents are choosing to watch them without consideration for the fact that their youngsters end up absorbing at least part of the movie content right along with them. When I did Big Brothers / Big Sister's years ago, I was SHOCKED at what was on the TV in a home filled with little ones. The kids wandered in and out of the room paying attention for short periods, sometimes watching, sometimes not, but always subjected to the sound and the images. No was talking to them about it, or even considering the fact that they were there. Kids who grow up with that constant exposure think little of it, and assume it is all just "normal." They become numb to the images and concepts of violence, sex, and bad language. Nothing about it is "normal," and I have NEVER watched an adult program on the TV with the kids up and around. My parents didn't do it, either.

It is hard for kids to avoid exposure to everything that is inappropriate, and foolish for parents to try (IMHO), but you can, at least, do your best to not force it on them, as some parents unwittingly do.

All these kids come to school and talk about what they've seen, and few of them actually understand it. Those same parents will then react with shock when their child says something outrageously sexual. I've learned to never be shocked, but to ask my daughter questions. "Do you know what that means?" "Where did you hear it?" "Why did you choose to use it?" Inevitably, she'll think it means something entirely different than I do, and will explain that all the kids understand it as she does. Then I have the duty to gently and lightly tell her there is another meaning, and because of that other meaning she should tell her friends not to use that expression. Some child in the school copied it off some movie or program, and because that child is "cool" pretty soon it's copied everywhere. And we're left breaking the bad news. It gets frustrating.

My son referred to some "hot girls" at school today. I'm quite sure he hasn't the faintest idea what that means. I was curious about what he *thinks* it means but decided to not even ask, because he hates to be questioned.