Help! Son turning 18- Do I need partial guardianship?
serenitynow
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 17 Jun 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 54
Location: Massachusetts-USA
Well, about SSI, I was told to apply for that. But he does want to work and we're working on driving skills for his license which we think will happen in the near future.
So even though I don't know how work will go, I will encourage him and he wants to get that license to drive to a job he wants. It's just taken longer to try to get comfortable on the road.
I think he is very capable of learning to do so much, I'm just not sure I've been teaching all the right things. But I do sincerely value the input of everyone here.
The concensus is to trust him and guide him. I don't want to lose his trust, and I don't want to make him feel stupid, like he can't manage himself and become independant.
I've spent a lot of time building him up since I took him out of school a year ago due to severe anxiety due to teasing/bullying. He's even begun to speak at schools about autism and bullying. This has given him the voice that the bullies tried to take away.
So I do see very good things in him and would never want to convey that I don't think he will succeed.
Thanks for all the good ideas guys
_________________
I love you as you are, as you seek to find your own special way to relate to the world
By whom and why? IF it is because you need help/a contribution to the family income that he cannot manage to provide in any other way I guess I can see doing what you are "told to" do. If you don't need that income, I would not saddle my child with a Federal disability determination for the rest of his adult life before actually seeing if he is capable of making it without that. SSI has very large ramifications. It means you're disabled and unable to work. SSI recipients do get work assistance and training assistance in some states in addition to food stamps and sometimes medical coverage. The downside is that often the work you are trained to do is not work you find rewarding (in some cases).
I was recently "told" to put my son in a group home at the weekends so I could get respite. Just because I was "told" to do that doesn't mean I'm going to or that it would be correct for our family.
It's awesome that you have helped him so much in the past few years with his self esteem and ability and that you continue to. Sometimes SSI is helpful but often it is the first step on a road to feeling incapable and not setting or achieving goals for yourself in life. I speak from experience and would be happy to discuss it further in PM. If you folks need the money and can view it as a stepping stone, that's brilliant and a decent explanation. If you don't, I'd honestly suggest holding off.
You can help him as the time comes about his money. Like if he does get SSI, you can charge him rent and it will teach him to manage his money, also have him buy his own stuff he needs so that way he can learn.
Also sit down with him and work out a budget for him so he knows. Sit down and write down the rent and the bills he will be paying and write down the approx. cost and then do the math by subtracting and it tell him how much spending money he'd have left.
And being on SSI doesn't mean someone is unable to work. I was on it too for a few years and I did work and my mom charged me rent so I'd get more money from them and she also helped me figure out my budget. I didn't want to be on it either but she told me it won't be forever and it help me start my adult life and be independent and I won't be a burden to them and feel like one. I was a senior in high school when she applied me for it. Then when I was 19, I was happy she signed me up for it because I hardly made any money and I was struggling to get a job. I would apply whenever I saw or heard a place was hiring and I would fill out a application there and return it. No one would hire me but thank goodness for SSI. But I did work at my parents house like watering the trees in their yard and they paid me for it.
And don't hold your son back, let him try and get a job and let him work. Let him try and work through his issues and road blocks and you be there to help him when he needs it. Let him make mistakes too like mine did with me. If he doesn't something you think that can get him fired, let him know so he can work on that or know to stop that behavior such as if he is always questioning his boss on all her/his decisions and refusing to do work that isn't part of his job. It might give him anxiety but let him work through it and help him with it. I had to fight through my road blocks as well. I didn't want to be disabled by my AS and anxiety so I fought through the wall of inflexibility. Now I can do fine with change without a problem without freaking out and meltdown down or crying. But at home, I still have to work at it but at work I am good as normal because it's money. Maybe if my husband paid me at home too to be flexible I might do it and fight myself but we share the same bank account so that won't work.
And if he does want to get his own place, he can start saving. If he is struggling with that, you can help him figure out a spending limit and how much to put away for saving. But I would encourage that when he gets a job or starts getting SSI. But with his own money he earns around the house, I would let him spend it on whatever he wants.
Because I have always been the type of person who wanted to succeed and never fail and not be limited, I have pushed myself and fought through my symptoms to get better and recover from them. It's good your son wants to work too and drive. If you know of any places that are hiring, you can tell him about it so he can apply there. What my mom used to tell me, she would have me drop them off myself because she told me if I have her or dad do it for me, the people there would think I can't do things for myself and might not want to hire me. They also used to help me get dressed for the interviews and role play with me about the interview. They pretend they were the boss and they ask me questions and I would answer them and mom would help me out with them like what to say or how to describe what I do. I also used to ask for help as I'd be filling out an application.
serenitynow
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 17 Jun 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 54
Location: Massachusetts-USA
That's what I like to hear League Girl!
I am encouraged to know you tried hard to work your way through your issues at work.
I would think most people with AS want to succeed and will at least try. So as a parent I am very encouraged to hear of your struggles and successes. And I'm here to help him, that's my job!
_________________
I love you as you are, as you seek to find your own special way to relate to the world