computer usage

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My son has always been on the computer and now he is making a successful career of it so thats a good thing. When he was 5 we got him a nintendo and he was so hooked on it we would wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning and he would be in the living room playing it. We never understood. When he was 11 he had his own website and had made his own games and had quite a following. Reading in this forum has shed so much light on things. I have had a lot of "a ha" moments. Some things are starting to make sense now.

Our son is 10 and is absolutely addicted to the computer. I don't mind his gaming, but didn't like the lack of social interaction with the family, so his step-father, he and I started playing City of Heros together as a family. We have found it is something we all enjoy, plus I have an opportunity to monitor his online usage as he learns the ins and outs of the internet and dealing with other players in the game. J is expected to have all of his homework finished and his daily chores done (to our specifications) before any computer time. It was hard to get him to accept this at first, but once he understood that this is the "Rule," and we were not going to budge, he hasn't given us too much grief. We also have him in scouts, soccer and church, so he is definitely not lacking in opportunities for "social" development. I have really come to believe that computer time is good for J. It helps him to decompress and relax, which in my opinion is essential for all of us, Aspie or not.

Three2Camp, great job at subliminating your son's free will, so that he'll "fit in". In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. Your teaching your child basically, if I interact with people then I will be able to do what I want. That is not the same as, I want to have friends and be social outside of video gaming. The breaks are fine, but taking the games away from him just so he'll learn how to demonstrate social interaction, like a dog trained at a trick to earn a treat. All that is going to teach him is mom and dad are above me, and I have no will other than to submit to what life they choose for me.

Exactly. As those of you familiar with me know, I have a huge issue with parents who take away or threaten to take away video games or the computer, in order to force their child to act more social. It's no longer the child's choice to act social, they will act social to get what they want to do. I don't think it does any good for a parent-child relationship, to make a child feel they need to jump through hoops in their own home to have free-will.

Real interaction, like going out into the local sphere, where there are few people your son can relate to? Where there are groups of people called cliques who may take advantage of your son, or make fun of him? Would you want to be forced into dealing with that? Your statement, seems like the typical statement of a parent ignorant of technology, who insists that raising their child right is raising them like it's the 1950's. If your child has friends on the net, where he would just be socially tormented in his own town. You have no right to complain. You also have no right to take his friends away from him. What do you think he'll learn, other than my parents have a right to hold tyranny over me and my only choice is to wait till I'm 18 to start enjoying my life the way I want to. I wouldn't be too surprised if he ended up with a case of depression from that.

For those of you here who think that not allowing your child to decide what they would like to do with their time, I want you to consider this. What if you were forced to do something you disliked or hated. What if doing these things were the only way you could have free will and the choice to do what you want.

You might like talking to people, so what if someone said you can't do that until you do this. I don't understand the concept of raising a child under someone's rule, under someone's thumb. I don't see what it teaches them, aside from, learning to be subservient and will-less. Being social is not the end all. We live in a society that says something is severely wrong with someone, if they're not out chatting it up with someone 24/7. What happened to letting your children be children. Let them worry about responsibilities when they're older.

For the record my parents never made me or my sister do chores, I know alot of you parents probaly will come up with something like "and that's why you spend so much time on the computer and have no friends." That isn't the issue. My parents respected me and my sister as human beings, not people they have the "right" to rule over. I'm pretty sure if I grew up, being forced into having frightening social interaction with unpredictable people, I'd have less self-esteem than I already do. What is there to learn from having someone take advantage of you at age 5?

The fact is, most people don't have pristine morals. Most NT kids, seem to have no qualms about abusing others, or taking advantage of others. I'm not saying they're all horrible demon children. What I am saying, is from what I recall about having friendships when I was younger..is not understanding why my "friend" would want to play mind games with me, or chase after me with a stick putting me into a situation of fear and terror.

I have never had a desire to hurt another human being, unless they have caused me distress personally. It seems NTs just will do whatever benifits them, no matter who they step on or hurt. Why tell your child, that to engage in a relatively harmless activity that brings THEM joy, they have to learn how to be a social animal. Learn how to play the game, and how to use people to their own ends. Just like everyone else does. What is so desirable about having a child, who knows how to manuver the social world by loosing their sense of morality, and learning to hide themselves, their souls, from others.

I really find it amazing, how surprised the parents who raise their kids under their thumb, are when their child rebels. Yeah, it'll be horrible if your child ends up on drugs, or being promiscuous. At least they'll be social though! Who cares, it's not as bad as sitting at home playing video games. Heroin is better than being yourself. I'm sorry if the reality is too much for you to take, or if you feel that lashing out at me with the view that is not what you have in store for your child, if you tell them it's wrong to be who they are, and their life should be about shoving themselves down inside themselves. You know why people take drugs, to escape reality. Do you want a child who needs to escape their reality, because they aren't allowed to control their reality?

Violet-Yoshi~

Do you have any children? Do you have the responsibility of being someone's parent? Do you know what it's like to be responsible for another living being? What it is to know that it is your sole responsibility in helping a child become a responsible, independent, productive adult who is capable of taking care of themself, and, yes, having to deal with other people in social environments regardless of whether they like it or not? Many of us parents are not holding tyranny over our children as you would like to believe. We are very concerned about our children, and are trying to do our best to raise our children in the best way we can. Why else would we come to this forum? We are looking for ideas and comfort in knowing that we are not the only ones who are finding difficulties in raising AS children. AS children are not easy, but we love them, and we do everything we can to help them. However, if you do not set rules and boundaries for children, and teach them what they need to know in preparation for adulthood, including how to socialize appropriately, then you do them a disservice. And, yes, sometimes you have to take away computer privileges. Trust me, it's better than spanking.

I wrote my post before reading your last. I feel bad for you, violet-yoshi. For someone who seems to have all the free will in the world, you seem bitter and unhappy. I hope you are able to over come that. While it's true that no one likes to live under someone else's thumb, we also don't get to do whatever we want, whenever we want all the time either. Heck, I have to go to work every day even though I don't want to. And I have to cook dinner for my family every night, even though I don't really want to because I absolutely hate to cook. And I've got to pay those bills... I could name a myriad of things I have to do every single day of my life at the expense of my free will, but it wouldn't make any difference. We all have things we have to do, so we might as well try to make it as enjoyable as we can.