The REALLY bad meltdowns-how do you handle them?

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I don't think Mama_to_Grace is saying there is anything wrong with watching TV per se (sorry if I am putting words in your mouth Mama). But I would say that having the TV time to veg out doesn't seem to be doing it for this little girl. It isn't helping prevent meltdowns. I also find the instance of stepping on someone's hand and thinking it won't hurt them a little disturbing for a child this age, though maybe you could chalk that up to the delay in emotional maturity that most ASD kids experience? It just seems like there should be something that could help her in addition to giving her the veg out time she needs, something that would be more preventative when it comes to the scary meltdowns she has. What kind of things seem to make her feel good in addition to the photo album you mentioed?

My youngest Aspie is the same. He is eight now but even when he was seven he spoke about taking his own life because he felt so terrible. I think the key is preparation. You know, she knows meltdowns are going to happen but when you are in one there is nothing you can do about it. My son has a dark cubby house he can go n. It has pillows, snacks, mp3 player and soft toys. Sometimes he prefers the destruction thing to the soft calming sensations. But it's important to catch it before it gets that bad - if you can. Heaps of kids find school REALLY stressful. Lots of Aspies are only part-time at school for this reason, and they don't do the subjects they hate ie gym. Whatever is making her stressed is making her have an attack - like asthma. It's a reaction. Try and find the triggers. My son couldn't tell me what was bugging him but for the most part we worked it out. Also, I have found if their mornings go badly, you can just about write off the rest of the day. My kids don't shower every day, and on the days when they do it happens in the time when they are changing in or out of their pyjamas.
A few people in our family have been hurt by our boy but, it could be a strange sort of compliment - I researched this and found they usually only hurt the people they know will always love them... some days I do feel like telling him that his dad loves him heaps too!
My son is eight now and doing a lot better. He learns from home and has reward charts that give him 5 minutes of time on any screen for doing school work - and it's working! He also has photo charts for daily routines so he knows what is happening next. We also do a lot of practising behaviours that he can use to calm down. I was at an Autism conference recently and they said that some kids don't realise they are getting stressed and they suggested 'pulse rate meters' worn as watches to cue taking a break. Good luck...

LOL - I actually had to explain this to my son's friend's Mom after he had his first meltdown at their house (fortunately a "petit mal" on my personal scale; names were called, things were thrown, but nobody got hurt) His poor teacher, who really loves him and who has been trying her best, just gets nothing but vitriol and hatred in return (She understands, and I do plan to do something nice for her, though I can't imagine what would make up for it.)

We do have some exceptions. DS certainly takes out his frustration on the people who love him, but when he's really, really overwhelmed at school he will take it out on whoever is nearby.

She needs space, understanding, and love.

Space: Take her from the situation, remove the pressure to perform, give her the space to be by herself. Let her know you are putting her in her room to calm down, that you see it's too much for her right now. Tell her you'll be back soon to see how she's doing. Ask her to try and calm down. She will self-sooth - yes, that might mean hitting herself. Let her calm herself down.

Understanding: You need to be close, accessible. If she has a bedroom of her own. Put her in the bedroom when she starts melting down. Let her at it for five minutes. Then enter the bedroom and sit in the corner. Away from her. Say nothing. Do Nothing. Just BE there, and wait. Don't stare her down. If you look at her and she escalates, look at your feet.

Love: She'll calm down. Eventually, it always happens. When she does, she'll be afraid that you don't love her, that she's bad. She'll be a mess of emotions - similar to people with epilepsy who have a fit. It just comes on them. That's when you say: "do you want a hug now?"
In my experience with my own children, once they can breathe again, they definitely want a hug.

We had another bad episode this weekend. We had friends over-friends that she really likes and usually gets along with. They were playing outside and she started becoming aggressive with the other child and pushing her-ramping up. I moved to get between them and she went completely aggressive on me-hitting and kicking me. I picked her up (which she hates but I felt I had no choice at the time) and took her inside to her room. She has almost super human strength when she is in one of these meltdowns and I was struggling to get her inside to her room without getting hurt myself. Once in her room I told her that she was not in trouble but she needed to calm down and then she could come out. She screamed and spit at me, at this point she was in fight or flight mode, and she proceeded to punch and kick the door, so strongly that I thought she would damage the door. Then she opened her window and began screaming at the people outside. I instructed them just to ignore her and look away. She was enraged for 30 minutes or so and had I gone into her room i would have made the situation worse. I also am torn between there needing to be some repercussions for her behavior and feeling as though perhaps they are coming from some sort or chemical or neurological misfiring which she has no control over and therefore shouldn't be punished for. Is removal from the situation punishment enough, or should there be some sort of additional repercussion?

When I have people over who witness these events I am just so appalled that we live this way. I can't seem to find a way to calm my own daughter-or prevent these episodes.

These episodes are so "unlike" her usually. Something is going on and I really don't know how to get to the bottom of it. I don't understand why we have periods where the slightest thing can set her off into these violent fits.

I think you hit the nail on the head with the idea that it is a condition (chemical or neurological, I don't know) that she does not have control over so punishment just shouldn't be part of the equation. If you punished her it wouldn't do anything to prevent similar "behavior" in the future, so what would be the point? I don't know if she perceives removal from the situation as punishment but I think it is just plain necessary for safety, her own and for those around her.

I am with you on feeling appalled and embarrassed about people witnessing these types of events. Lately mine has saved most of the hitting, biting, spitting episodes for me personally when we are at home but, it is hard when people are around - it is hard for them to understand when they haven't been in your shoes. I think it's OK for you to feel bad about this. It is a normal human reaction.

Do you guys practice any calming down techniques when she is calm? Have you worked with her on her being able to judge how she is feeling inside? From your descriptions it sounds like she goes from 0 to 60 pretty quickly so this may be difficult to do but we have a number scale (1 to 5 with 1 being calm and 5 being out of control) and I have read here about others who use the How's Your Engine Running? technique. Basically giving them a way to become aware of how they are feeling and then having options available for them to do something to calm down in the very earliest stages.

We have tried calming techniques. My daughter is basically aggressively resistent to acknowledging or discussing the "difficult" times after she has recovered. Many times she states she has "no recollection" of the events that took place. I have noticed that when she hits "fight or flight" (when she gets wild eyed and non responsive or hyper responsive) in the very bad meltdowns she is more likely to NOT remember the details of what happened. Like brain overload or something-she's not processing-merely reacting-like a primal animal. I can generically discuss calming techniques such as breathing and counting to 10, and when she is having minor turmoil I can successfully engage her in calming. It is the extreme occassions where, as you stated, she goes from 0 to 60 without provocation, that I am left dodging the path of destruction if I can.

My daughter sees a counselor and has for years. My daughter will not overtly discuss emotions or scales of emotions-nor will she attempt to label her emotions. We suspect she is alexithemic http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia as she has atypical emotional reactions. When she is happy she becomes manic-speaking quickly, moving quickly, etc but not smily, happy like you would typically see-the happiness almost agitates her. She is very good at deflecting emotional discussion-she will become mute or withdrawn at any attempt to discuss or she may become frustrated and aggressive (the counselor takes notice that if she prompts my daughter to discuss a difficult situation my daughter might ignore her and come over to where I am and hit me).

She is in OT and we have attempted How's Your Engine Running but I might ask them to try again. Right now we are working on a Behavior Incentive Plan which she is resisting quite a bit. We are working on her getting herself dressed in the morning. While my daughter is highly intelligent and can have complex informational discussions, her functions of daily living are pretty impaired and delayed. As she gets older, I feel the dichotomy is harder and harder for her to deal with. She vascillates betwen giving up (resistence, vegging out, non compliance) and actually trying (which sadly either leads to success and a good day or frustration, feelings of failure, and aggression and a bad day).

My son has been the same, he's changed a lot this year, due mostly to him working really, really hard at it and also him finally making a developmental jump. >>hugs<< I've soo, soo been there. My low point was once when I was trying to get my son to go to a therapy session after school, and he knocked me flat on my face in front of all the other kids and parents. Fortunately, we had a therapy session that I somehow got us all to, so it gave us a chance to work on it right when it happened.

Does it seem like social situations, especially ones involving physical contact, put your daughter more on edge? DS cannot interpret social physical contact correctly and it used to throw him into a frenzy if a kid touched him or brushed up against him unintentionally.

A friend just gave me an idea - DS had internalized all kinds of rules about social behavior, one of the biggest and most immutable of which was "don't be a tattletale" which of course he globalized to "don't ask for help." The friend's system is that she has a code phrase with her son: either "I need a drink of water" or she'll ask "do you want a drink of water?" This offers a reasonable way out for a kid who doesn't know quite how to disengage socially; she can then leave the room, get a drink of water, calm down, and go back when she's ready.

>>double hugs<<