"25 Manners Every Kid Should Know By Age 9"

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My parents instilled all those into me by age six. There's not a single one I don't remember to do or doesn't come naturally to me when the situation arises, practically.

Speaking as someone who's spent a considerable amount of time on the receiving end of that spotlight, they can always HEAR you, even if it's movement. Performers would vastly prefer that a fidgety/bored audience member excuse themselves than turn the whole audience towards less appropriate behavior and responses. (And I have, in most school assembly situations, been able to see the audience even under bright lights.)

NT kids are often bigger culprits here, as AS kids/kids with disabilities usually have some kind of plan in place already.

GEE, how can you survive?

People have asked me to loan them my CAR! That would NOT only risk my car and insurance, but lawsuits, possibly getting thrown in jail, etc.... could destroy my life! NO THANKS!

They have asked to live in my HOME! That could NOT only risk all the above, but hurt ME as well! NO THANKS!

They have LITERALLY demanded to run my life! THIS one was from my mother! It destroyed my life EVEN as it was. She trespassed and moved lots of stuff into MY home, and I was at a loss for what to do. The constant concern, sleepless nights, etc... endangered my job, and left me in a disabled state thaat I have to be "medicated" for for the rest of my life. I basically tried to force her out and the moment I could, I changed all the locks. BTW she had/has dementia, and has been diagnosed as paranoid and psychotic, and is now locked up in an old folks home. They literally won't let her even go outside. She actually asked me to let her stay in my home, and pay her money, etc... HECK, she wore down my cars, left dangerous garbage, almost caused water damage to my home, insisted to drive me home and started the wrong way down a busy street, misdirected my mail, appropriated my number, etc....

They have asked me to RISK my life! This was done in MANY ways! Once an idiot asked me to help him move from a red tagged(A note from the government prohibiting entry and demanding IMMEDIATE vacation due to it being DANGEROUS)! I call him an idiot because he told us he was packed when he wasn't, and he jumped up and down, etc... to show us how unsafe the building was WHILE we were in it.


They have asked me to go to various events! The LAST one was a baseball game last Wednesday! I HATE it! This would leave me deaf, in pain, etc.... It would also destroy what little social life I have.

They have asked me to eat bad things, date people I HATE, etc.... Do I REALLY have to say?

I have been asked to effectively destroy my career, and lose my job! My mother helped with this, and I am STILL reeling! If THIS contract, which they are making VERY difficult, doesn't work out great, my career could be OVER!

I have been asked to "loan/give money"! Just the few times I have done this add up WELL into the thousands.

Adults have asked me to do DANGEROUS things!

SERIOUSLY, I HAVE been asked to do ALL that! I am NOT exaggerating! So HOW can you seriously say YOU follow them 100%? I guess you aren't asked to do much, and aren't in such situations.

Steve

My reason: To understand the world around me and to know how to function effectively in it.

In my opinion, If we're to interpret these rules properly we need the proper context to these rules. This is the definition of the word context. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/context

The problem is wes're missing the facts that surround these rules. We're missing why they were written, what time period they were written, who wrote them, and who the intended audience was. I believe this is what is going on with our interactions with other people. I believe the context is determined by our society, it's values, and it's beliefs. Consider the context as constraints to the usages of words and definitions.

For example, "Be Yourself." There is a certain context behind this statement. We can be ourselves but there are still certain social constraints we are supposed to keep ourselves in. For example, if being ourselves and true to ourselves involved one of us streaking naked across yankee stadium should we do this?

Not only that, why the lies are acceptable.

This is kind of related to the ugly mole situation. My second cousin uses a fraudulent device that involves magnets. My second cousin has major joint pains due to arthritis. I was going to tell her that these things were fraudulent and she what she was experiencing was the placebo effect. My family members would not let me tell her. They were saying that it provided relief from her pain. I had and still have a problem with this to this day. What if she has pain somewhere else that is not joint related and she uses these fraudulent devices to relieve her pain. What if it was a serious medical condition and she needed to go to hospital? Is everyone saying that I am supposed to consider her feelings over her physical health? I do not understand this at all.

HEY, let ME try this! PLEASE GIVE ME $50,000! HEY, I am probably older than you are, and am an adult. I asked you politely. The only question should be to where?

Being over 17 only TECHNICALLY LEGALLY makes you an Adult! If your IQ is only 50, you are MENTALLY only about 9 or so, if you are chronologically 18. So you can STILL be considered a child. HECK, if you were 50 and had an IQ of 70, you could be legally considered a child! Of course people only bring that up when they are caught in a major wrong.

Being less than 18 only TECHINCALLY LEGALLY makes you a kid! If your IQ were 200, you would mentally be TWICE the age!

But here is something EVERYONE should remember! An idea that comes from a kid is NOT necessarily stupid. Some have made BILLIONS and saved people! An idea that comes from an "adult" is NOT necessarily smart. Some have LOST TRILLIONS, killed people, caused poverty, and doomed the planet to destruction!

Wouldn't it be nice if all adults were smart? Frankly, I doubt even 5% are! GRANTED, some dumb adults were STUPID kids, but some adults were SMART as kids.

This applies to rules #6&7

A rule that I ask my kids to apply before they offer an opinion, especially unsolicited is:

Is it true? Is it KIND? Is it necessary?

So.... For the mole: true - yes. kind - yes, necessary - yes.

For my opinion of your new haircut....true - yes, kind - no, necessary - no. Therefore - no need to say. I have worked with my kids to come up with answers that aren't lies, but help to stay within the rule. So.... new haircut (that you think is hideous) WOW - what a difference.

Rule #8 - I always had trouble with - cause I don't lie. When not doing well, I answer "here" instead of fine. If people genuinely care, they will ask another question. If it was a pleasantry, they will move on to the next.

Rule #16 - NO EXCEPTIONS. As an adult, don't go or don't stay if you can't be quiet and act interested. As a kid - learn how to keep your mouth shut and face forward. I have had to learn tricks to manage this. For instance, in business meetings that may be dull, sit in the front so its easier to pay attention. This is a rule that is important on two levels, one it's good manners, you don't want to hurt feelings or disrupt someone else's experience. Two - it impacts how others perceive you. In school or work, those judgements matter.

Rule #9 - No exceptions to complying BUT rather than lie (if you didn't have a good time) find something nice to say. So maybe it was terrible and you will never go back. You might say "Thanks for having me - those cookies were awesome!"

Rule, 20 & 21 - I have amended to, say yes when you can and have a ready answer like "I wish I could" or "that won't work for me" for when you can't.

So, you're mocking me for my ability to be polite and helpful, even to as*holes, starting at a young age? Why? Because you get put in uncomfortable situations and don't know how to defend yourself position politely and defuse the situation quickly without coming off as a jerk? What does that have to do with me or my ability to follow etiquette appropriately? I always apply my manners within the realm of a little something called common sense. If someone asks me to do something stupid, dangerous, or illegal, I don't do it, no matter how politely they ask or what incentive they offer, even if they think they know what's best for me. I can, in fact, be a decent human being and still have a spine at the same time, believe it or not.

And that last crack about what situations I get put in and how often was uncalled for. You don't know anything about me as a person or what my life is like, so don't go calling me a useless coward (which you implied) unless you've got a strong basis for it.

I believe that common sense as a value that our respective socities hold dear needs to be ditched. I believe that it is as bad as an extreme sense of entitlement. I believe it is time to start challenging the notion and the idea of common sense. I believe that part of parenting issues today with children is that parents assume common sense. Because parents assume common sense children are not being taught what they need to be taught. I've come to my opinions after observations. My opinion is common sense is not so common.

Let's say common sense is a correct and proper thing to have.
1. Why are those who supposedly do not have it are punished?
2. If one does not have it how is one supposed to gain it?
3. Why are those who supposedly have it want to try to act superior to those who don't? I have been told I lack common sense myself. When someone tells me that it makes me very angry. The reason being is it tells me nothing. It does not tell me how to alter my behavior or point me in the right direction. This is one thing that get me angry with parents in general.
Here is another thing. I ask a question of person x and person x says I am so and so age I should know. Well I don't know. It's the fact that people think I ought to know that keeps me knowing. One thing I do to work around this is I do research. I look at parenting boards and educational websites. I don't bother asking people because it is useless.

To other aspies: A lot of this stuff is out on the internet. In my opinion just do the research and don't even ask. If someone gives you the lecture of you should know because you're so and so age or you lack common sense then my advice is if you can walk away, shake the dust off of your boots, never talk to them again, and forget them. After that, do the research yourself and try to obtain the correct context yourself.

Last edited by cubedemon6073 on 13 May 2011, 12:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Don't think on that too long. It will only make your head hurt...

Well, I meant common sense as in the kind that keeps you safe and secure. The kind that tells you not to do something that has the potential to get you hurt and/or killed or cause great inconvenience or property damage; like playing William Tell, or playing golf in the living room, for example.

As for number one, I've never actually met anyone who was genuinely 'punished' for not showing common sense, just reprimanded or given a mild consequence, like being grounded or something, and told to think before they act next time.

Number two... Common sense is mostly innate to humans, as it has its origins in the survival instinct. Common sense is a milder, every-day version of that survival instinct, I guess you could say. If you don't have enough of it, well, that's why there are Darwin Awards. It also has a lot to do with how you were raised, I think. Parents who explain to their kids why something is a bad idea (if the kid hasn't already figured it out though basic logic) help to build a database of 'bad ideas' to be avoided in the future.

There are people who expand the usage of common sense outside of this area. In the past, it was promoted that it was common sense that women were only emotional creatures. Maybe a better and more accurate term would be sound judgement. What do you think? Personally, I would go for that.

By the very fact 2ukenkerl is asking these questions shows that he must have sound judgement on these safety and dangerous things. More than likely he does use sound judgement. My opinion though is before jump to conclusions on anything we need to make sure we have the correct context and the correct facts. EVen if we don't know these things there is a whole wealth of research on the internet in which we can obtain our answers and the correct context. Am I correct?

I was just pointing out that on an absolute basis, it is just DUMB! You HAVE to temper it. The idea that ALL kids must do ALL that ALL adults ask is just DUMB! Heck, I had enough trouble with my parents.

Hey, I try to be nice also, but I just DON'T like what that article implied. You seemed to indicate you agreed 100%, etc... and so I treated it the same way. If that is not what you meant, I apologize, I was mistaken.

Steve