My aspie son is so worried and sad right now...

Post Reply New Topic

German lessons are really easy on a walk, or eating out. And Aardvark, there's a local group for autistic kids which has an opening just come up for a new member. So, hopefully that will help too.

It's my own personal opinion that school in the long run doesn't really matter. I mean, there are the few people out of every school that REALLY go on to do something that's spectacular, but a GED suffices for most jobs or community colleges. My husband and I are planning to homeschool our son. All I remember about school was trying to get sent to the office so I didn't have to stay in the classroom, drawing if I didn't get sent to the office, or skipping class. In and around being bullied, doing drugs and getting into other trouble. I hated being there.
I turned out pretty good though...I'm 26 now and I am happily married and have a three year old son. I own a car and a house with a yard (and yes a white fence), my IQ is in the 135-140 range. Since school I have never encountered a situation where my grades, or even my having gone to school would have made a positive difference.

The highschool I went to had some of the greatest teachers I think I will ever meet. It was such a fun experience.

I did very well academically, despite the most horrendous bullying ... however, everything I learned I learned via my parents, or incessant reading at home. I would certainly have been far happier if I'd been home schooled.

I home schooled my son for a year, and in that year he learned Latin well enough to read Julius Caesar's Gallic Wars in the original, kept on track for maths, excelled in English and French, and followed his own interests in history and Geography.

However, due to my own mental health issues he ended up having to go to school again. If I'd only had someone to back me up I'd still be home schooling. Never mind... it's not much longer now. He's the tallest in his class, and the bullying does seem to be diminishing.

One exam down... English, and from the sound of it he got a D or a C. That's fine, I told him... his previous modules came out as B and A, so it will even out.

Now he's got science on Wednesday, and Geography on Friday. In his mock science exam he got forty six out of sixty, he's less worried about that now. I think he's beginning to feel like he can get through this.

Congrats I hope your son starts to be proud of himself.

So he might make it afterall! Congrats!

And you know, in thinking about it, an occasional year of home schooling interleaved with some years of regular school, might end up being a pretty good way to go about it. For example, your son may start college with both content knowledge and skill in negotiating the system.

Wow, I can't wait till he's out of the secondary school system. He went on a school trip today, and really enjoyed the content (art gallery, play, etc.) But the trip back on the school bus just became an endurance contest for him, as all the kids just jeered at him. I'm considering keeping him off school tomorrow, just to help him get over it.

That is a faux version of group solidarity in which people throw down on someone who is different supposedly to build the group. It is a pitiful dynamic. And the really appalling thing is that the teachers often allow it thinking the kids are taking care of their own problems or that it all comes out in the wash. It doesn't of course. What really is going on is that the teachers are just disengaged, lack skills, and are not willing to put forth the time and effort.

I think it's very positive that you as a parent are suggesting to him that he stay home.

Now, whether you insist that he stay home. Well, you're the Mom, he's your son, you know him best of all.

(both my parents sometimes blamed me for bad things that happened, vaguely thinking that I must somehow be at blame. When really, people are sometimes just mean, people are sometimes just stupid, and that's just the fact of the matter)

Well, I took him out of school early, we went into town and bought him a violin (he's a pianist and has been itching to start violin for years... I told him when he got to a certain standard on piano I'd get him another instrument. He got there...) and he's excited about starting. In fact so much so that he's been downstairs practising his bowing technique, which surprisingly doesn't make him sound like a strangled cat.

We did some revision on our own terms, then he had an option of doing whatever he liked. I suspect it will be Mario for a while, then piano, if he can tear himself from the violin (who he has already named.)

I am glad he got a reward. I have always felt that rewards help not hurt the receiver. Maybe if he has a friend at home in the violin he won't feel so depressed at school.

Sounds more like a celebration than a reward to me. But yes. Yay for violins! I hope your son gets past the "yowling cat" stage quickly, for the sake of both your ears!

I'm going through this right now--sometimes, honestly, the only way to recover from being ultra-stressed at school is just to take some time off and not worry about anything. Sometimes your brain just turns in its resignation and refuses to think any more, and if you try to push it, you'll just lose motivation and be unable to get started doing anything, no matter how much you care about getting it done. I think, if you can manage it, just let him be this summer. Let him play that violin and relax, with no expectations. If he likes books, get him to the library a lot; I did, at his age, and reading was one of my number-one ways to get rid of stress. Or maybe video games, or whatever, I dunno. The kid has really earned a break, though.

Well, I've decided that the class he hates the most, and gets most stressed in, probably isn't worth him continuing in. I'm going to see if the teachers will allow him into the music room to practise his piano (which he loves) since an oasis of calm in the school week will do him a lot more good than panicking in a loud noisy classroom full of brattish teenagers shouting. I've got no problem with him messing on his violin at home. He's been practising scales while plucking instead of bowing, and since he's got such a good ear he's doing well. All that is making him happy. Yes, I think it did end up more a celebration than anything... he's been much happier since then.

I forgot to say that yesterday we also went out for dinner. So it was early leave, violin, pizza, music practise and mario. I have a much more relaxed son today. And we're off to his piano lesson in a few minutes... he's hoping to start Moonlight Sonata today.

So glad to hear things are going better. You sound like a great mom, tuning into him pretty well and meeting his needs.

FYI my son has always wanted school and home separate, too. Removing an elective and replacing it with a study hall helped, even if it couldn't solve it. When he rode the bus he used that as school time and often had all his work done before his stop; he loved that.

They are old enough to help find their own solutions; we do have to let them own it, to a large extent.

I'm so glad your son has music as an outlet. I wish my kids did, but neither is inspired by it or has much talent for it. One can almost always find a way to access music, it's one of the reasons it works so well.