Should aspies have children?

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I enjoy being a parent even though it is a lot of work. I only have one and since we are all 3 pretty aspie like we all get our space, all have our alone time, all have our hobbies, etc. It works out for the most part. Parenting is hard at stages whether NT or not and the rewards are wonderful whether NT or not.

This has to be personal choice, not imposed by anyone else. Is the question about our potential parenting skills or the higher possibility of having a child on the spectrum? I have a daughter and I'm doing a pretty good job of raising her. She also happens to probably have AS (being assessed currently), is a lot of work, getting easier, but is a lovely girl. I can honestly say that the world is a better place with her in it, not only for me, but everyone else. (Sorry if that sounds too mushy.) For me, the answer has to be 'Yes' without a shadow of a doubt.

I think having kids is great yeah.
and im a guy

I absolutely love my children. I would not trade them in for anything, even though one has classic autism and the other has OCD. They are my life.

I don't think that aspies having kids is a problem--except that when two aspies, two people with bipolar disorder, or one aspie and one bipolar (like my husband and me) get together, the risk of producing a low-functioning child or child with multiple disabilities seems to be higher.

Aspie here, with a borderline aspie wife. We both always wanted to have children, and we now have two, and are planning on a third. I don't find that Asperger interferes with my interaction with the children at all - I think I do so more than the average father - though my wife does need time away from them.

I don't think there's a "should" or "should not" here. If you want children and can afford to take care of them, have them. If you don't, don't.

I know a lot of parents with kids on the spectrum, and I don't think that there is a formula for producing a kid with autism--just that more neurological and psychiatric stuff in the family history increases the odds. Parents sometimes have multiple children with classic autism (some identical twins and some not). Sometimes only one child is on the spectrum. Sometimes one identical twin does better than the other.

I think that a lot of aspies end up doing well, so one shouldn't avoid having a family for fear of producing an aspie.

I think that being prepared for parenthood is important for everyone trying to have a child, but that it is especially important if one is at increased risk for having a child with a condition like classic autism. Here in Texas, services provided by the State are minimal and hard to obtain, and children with classic autism who are born into families who cannot provide private help, cannot afford for a parent to stay home and work with the child, and do not have enough insurance really face bleak futures.

I am not suited to have kids. I am a female autie and I have a bad case of sensory problems to the point where high pitched screaming sends me into a meltdown. I dont like how touchy kids are, and I cant give a kid attention right when they need it cause I often get wrapped up in my own world. I am very unpredictable at times and very affectionate at other times. I dont want to be responcible for screwing up some kid's life because I am not parent material. If I ever have intentions of getting sexually involved...I think I will get my tubes tied.
I care about the welfare of kids in general, and I care enough about them to know that I would be a bad mother.

I'm 29 yr old aspie female and I have 3 children. When I was younger children scared the hell out of me and I said I never wanted any of my own. They I met my husband and got married and after settling down I really wanted children. I think the thing that changed my mind is that I get on so great with my husband and we work as a team, where as a lot of other fathers don't have much to do with raising their kids. I think finding the right person to have children with is very important.

I do find it very hard at times though. I'm not the most assertive person in the world and do struggle with discipline sometimes. I think the most important thing though is for them to grow up knowing they are loved and that I will always be there for them. I still need time to myself to do my own thing which I now get now they've all started school. I would be lost without them and wouldn't change anything.

It's probably worth pointing out though that there's a high risk of a mother passing on something to their children, more so than the father. My eldest also has AS and dyslexia which is closely related. I have ADHD and my youngest is also showing the same traits though it's not become a problem yet.

I have to say, having my daughter with autism has brought to light that my husband and I are on the spectrum. We don't have friends except my husband has work relationships. I go through friends like tissues and have one friend that I keep in touch with(long distance),. It's very very difficult being a parent anyways, especially to one with special needs. I was talking to my husband this morning re: my daughter's social anxiety and what a struggle it is for me as her mother to try to connect with other moms and do small talk to meet people for her benefit. Honestly its torture. I hate trying to meet people and do all that, it's like I have to be a different person and every cell in my body is screaming. I have met other moms that aren't on the spectrum and how they are so social with their networking for support groups and for me its such a pain in the ass. Its unnatural for me. Harder even knowing that I have to knock myself out even harder to meet up with moms of children with special needs(they are a guarded bunch in my opinion so far, or its my skewed perspective I don't know) and NT moms. Ick.

I feel inferior every day trying to keep up this act. My grandmother always told me "Sometimes you have to be an actress".... those words keep me going most days because deep down I think its all crap.

I love my daughter and am doing all I can for her, but frankly its miserable business trying to be social. Our families live far away so we have no support. Its really isolating and difficult to reach out to complete strangers to build a life for my daughter. Ugh.

Can you tell I am having a bad morning?

Do you have a local Autism Society or parents' support group near you? I am a member of a very active Autism Society chapter in Central Texas with over 500 people in the Yahoo discussion group. (Some people just participate in the Yahoo group long distance). Quite a few of the moms are aspies or have other neurological issues. The Autism Society basically has a "we'll accept anyone" approach, and the members have diverse views.

I would check on-line for meet up groups, church groups, take a class at a local health club, take an art class, etc. to meet people. Aspie kids do well with these kinds of things, too, and some places have meet up groups for aspie teens and their families.

I get very nervous about inviting people places and feel awkward in unstructured social situations. I do best if I'm given a calendar of events, and I get to choose what I want to do off of the calendar.

Too much socializing makes me feel drained, too. You are not alone.

I think it is every Aspies right to have children if they want to and if they feel capable of raising children. There are many NT people who do not want children for various reasons, and I think Aspies can make great parents.

I am a undiagnosed Aspie my kids make me who I am - really. But I wanted kids my whole life - I have one NT and one Aspie, she is my mini me! I am more social because of my kids, I have people that I know love me, and I adore them. It is very hard at times, getting my oldest Dx was really hard, but I have learned so much about myself in the process of learning about her. I had no idea I was a Aspie untill I got her diagnosed, so glad we are on the same path, and I am learning threw her. They both just rock my world. BUT if you do not want kids don't have them, period.