More problems in school

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Hi 2fifty8

Your profile says you are a stay at home dad.

Is there an option of 50% home schooling? Only send him to school for half the day, picking the subjects/activities he likes best, or mornings only (let him have lunchtime at school if he is ok with that). The rest of the time school him at home.

This way he gets school socialisation, but only has to cope for half the time which could be easier on him.

My other thought was to ask a lawyer to send the school a letter with your concerns, especially about calling the police. A lawyer could point out to the school that they may be failing in a duty of care and acting unreasonably, which may leave them open to a damages claim. Nothing focuses the mind like money.

I went private schools for 11 years and learned the same thing about social interaction that you did. It isn't the public schools that are the problem, it tends to be schools in general.

Just wondering if there's an update?

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I went private schools for 11 years and learned the same thing about social interaction that you did. It isn't the public schools that are the problem, it tends to be schools in general.[/quote]

i went to a public school k-8 and it was the worst experience. I begged my mom to attend a pivate school in 9th grade. it was the best move I made.. the kids there were less likely to pick on one another and the school had no tolerance for this.. but the school was small and we paid for the education.. i paid for it.. i worked every summer and I worked after school cleaning the cafeteria. if the kids did not pick on me for that , that was a miracle in itself.. i was never picked on or said stuff too.. if i could afford it I would send my son to a private school.. but my husband stays home to care for 2 kids we can not afford it.. so i think when my son hits jr high we are looking at home schooling him.. he will never ever survive in the public school here.. and they would not be bothered to do what they are supposed to do because they are over whelmed with problem kids.. so its not so much the schools fault as it is the fact that parents do not teach their children simple basics and they bring it out in school..

i have a theory.. if parents would do their job at home and teach their children respect, manners and cooperation then the teachers would have more time to teach.. it becomes my problem and my sons problem when an ineffective parent can not do their job at home they child brings their anger and frustration to school.. i see this so often... i tell my son all the time look at his life when he is an adult and see where he goes and see where the jerk goes who has made a life of picking on the weaker kids... he will be a dope dealer in and out of jail... i need to rmind him who the better man will be.. my son...

I have heard mostly bad stories coming from private schools. MOstly that the children were left to be as snobby and bully as they wanted. My friend went to a private (Christian) school where she was ridiculed for her social status (she was middle class, her parents sacrificed $). Just about everyone I knew from that place had psychosis and drug problems.
My husband says he did better at a small, Lutheran school than the public school. He says the teachers weren't as obnoxious (not that they were good or understanding) and there was less sensory overload, and that he knew the kids. It was a lot more consistent then the public schools.
I did much better in a large, public school than the small rural public school I was raised in. For me, there was less peer pressure and I could find people I had stuff in common with. I could choose my classes too.

[quote="2fifty8"]Well, my son is right back at it, the first day of school,

The memories of his horrid experiences in this school will not do anything positive for him.

If you have other schools. Take this time to hire a loving caregiver so he can settle and overcome the horror movie of this "police school". Then go school hunting.

When you find a school that seems suitable talk to him about it. After you are sure he will be attending the chosen school drive him pass the school day 1.

Day 2 drive him there then walk on the school grounds.

Day 3 let him rest and convince himself he will be going to a better school.

Day 5 let him spend at least 2 hours at the school. Next day spend 3 hours etc (If you have to work let the caregiver help you with this plan)

Gradually, your son will be staying the whole day at a "I know my Job School" and even if homeschooling has to occur it may only be for short periods.

2fifty8 it hurts emotionally and getting proper help it will hurt financially, but do not give up. Let homeschooling be the last resort, this journey has just begun.

I had your fears and worked with the "one and only school here" until they almost sent my son totally MAD. . . thank God he is still alive. For me, homeschooling is my only choice now.

As long as you have more resources use them wisely.

Most of all, remember at this time you are your son's voice/advocate fight for him rest. Rebuild and fight again.

You must take care of yourself so that you will be strong enough to take care of him and survive these "wars".

i went to a public school k-8 and it was the worst experience. I begged my mom to attend a pivate school in 9th grade. it was the best move I made.. the kids there were less likely to pick on one another and the school had no tolerance for this.. but the school was small and we paid for the education.. i paid for it.. i worked every summer and I worked after school cleaning the cafeteria. if the kids did not pick on me for that , that was a miracle in itself.. i was never picked on or said stuff too.. if i could afford it I would send my son to a private school.. but my husband stays home to care for 2 kids we can not afford it.. so i think when my son hits jr high we are looking at home schooling him.. he will never ever survive in the public school here.. and they would not be bothered to do what they are supposed to do because they are over whelmed with problem kids.. so its not so much the schools fault as it is the fact that parents do not teach their children simple basics and they bring it out in school..

i have a theory.. if parents would do their job at home and teach their children respect, manners and cooperation then the teachers would have more time to teach.. it becomes my problem and my sons problem when an ineffective parent can not do their job at home they child brings their anger and frustration to school.. i see this so often... i tell my son all the time look at his life when he is an adult and see where he goes and see where the jerk goes who has made a life of picking on the weaker kids... he will be a dope dealer in and out of jail... i need to rmind him who the better man will be.. my son...[/quote]

I went to private schools grades 1-7, public school 8th grade, and private school again 9-12. For 1st and part or 2nd grade, I went to a Montessori school. In 1st grade, I had two great part time teachers, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, who really were able to help the kids learn. There was one kid who picked on me alot, but the school was able to put a stop to it and the kid eventually moved out of state anyway.

2nd grade was very difficult as we got a new teacher who wasn't very good. She basically ignored me and didn't want to help me. She also treated me badly and tried to separate me from everyone else. It got to the point where I was getting sick and didn't want to go to school. My parents ended up keeping me home and trying to work out this problem with no success. There were a few days when the bad teacher had to be out and one of my former teachers filled in for her, and I had no problems at all while she was there. The school did agree to solve the problems with the bad teacher, and it did get better for about a week, then she went back to her old ways. My parents complained again and the teacher took the "my way or the highway" attitude, so we took the highway and they transferred me to an all boys academy where I did well. I had come to the school behind but with some extra help from my teacher, I became one of the top students in the class.

I stayed there until the middle of 4th grade, when my parents, for reason I've never been able to determine, decided I should go to a different school; the same school my sister went to. It was a big shock for me because this was a totally different enviornment. This school didn't seem to place the value on academics the other school did, instead focusing on the fact they had a state championship football team many years running. I had no talent or interest in sports and the result was I got tormented for that not only by students but even by some of the administration and didn't understand why. They thought all boys should be athletes and those who weren't were pretty much worthless. I often spent me P.E. periods and afternoons, when I should have been in class, picking up trash around the school because that's what they'd do at P.E. time with the non-athlete boys. My parents thought the problems were my fault because my sister who had been there longer didn't have these problems. After hearing similar stories from other parents, I was able to get out of there at the end of 5th grade.

6th grade was my only year in Catholic school. It actually wasn't too bad, and I didn't have too many kids picking on me. I did have some academic trouble though, mainly I didn't do well in English class and I thought the school discriminated against non-Catholics and was somewhat selective in the enforcement of rules; i.e. kids from Catholic, wealthy, old money families were treated well while the rest of us were just there to pay.

7th grade I went to another private school were my sister was attending. This school was terrible as I was probably the only kid in my class who hadn't been thrown out of another school, so I didn't fit in and was often tormented. I got out of there after one year thank goodness.

8th grade was public school and it was absolute hell. I got harassed by a group of a kids for having a deep voice and didn't understand what was wrong with that. They not only did it at school but called me at home to harass me as well. My parents blamed me for it as again, my sister, even though she was in a different public school at the time, never had these problems and it all had to be my fault. I couldn't take the harassment and my grades sufferred, the school would do nothing about it, and my parents ended up punishing me for an entire summer with no TV, radio, music, reading, etc, just sitting around waiting for my sister to decide it was time for me to go swimming.. It wasn't until almost the middle of 9th grade, when I was away from these kids and they were still calling that my parents finally got tired of the constant phone calls and decided to call the parents of the ringleader of these kids to try and get it stopped. Surprisingly it worked and I never heard from any of them again.

Grades 9-12 I went to a Christian private school where I was miserable again. I was an outsider there because everyone there had gone to elementary schools of this particular faith and since nobody knew me, there was a problem right off the bat. I also refused to degrade myself with a humiliating week of hazing the administration encouraged seniors to put freshman through. I also got tormented for my disinterest in sports, dating, school dances, and so on. It was 4 years in hell and again, not only did administration refuse to do anything about, they actually blamed me for my problems.

I think home schooling your son when he hits junior high is a good idea. Those kids were the absolute worst I ever experienced. High school wasn't much better, I would have done better if I could have done some sort of independent study program and not had to deal with that garbage.

You are also right about parents. If parents these days would do their job and teach their kids manners and respect, these problems wouldn't be so bad. From what I've heard from long time teachers, every year the kids get worse. It used to be out of a class of say 20 or 30, there might be 3 or 4 kids who are problematic. Today it's the opposite, out of a class of 20 or 30, a teacher is lucky if they get 3 or 4 who AREN'T problems.

Just trying to give some insight into all this.

My experiences were similar at private school, how some kids were snobby and allowed to bully and generally misbehave as they saw fit, while if other students engaged in this behavior themselves, they'd be punished. Enforcement of rules tends to be very selective at many private schools. There's also alot of bias in grading as well, many of these students are given a break or their grades, while others have to work themselves into the ground for a good grade that they still might not get even though they earned it fair and square.

One of the schools I mentioned was a Lutheran school and I don't think it was that great. I refused to degrade myself by participating in a hazing ritual and the administration actually thought I was in the wrong. I was told by the vice principal my years there would be tougher if I didn't give in and was even sent to the counselor for not doing it, who actually tried to tell me that one day in college, I'd have to go through initiation or else. When I hear stories of college students killed during hazing stunts, I think that counselor and others like her who put that garbage in the kids' head have blood on their hands.

I'd have been better off in independent study, where I could have learned in peace and not had to deal with all the crap these places love to dish out.