What on earth is going on.....need some advice please

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Pandora, it is so sad you had to go through that experience. I have read horrible things about mental institutions. Nobody shold suffer such a terrible experience. But I do not think Lovelyboy is thinking her son is crazy. She is just concerned, and I think she should. If I find my kid picturing herself murdering people I would be worried to. Bulling is a horrible thing that can push people to do horrible things out of dispair. She needs to seek help for her kid in order to find out what is going on before something happens. Not necessarely to avoid him hurting someone, but to avoid someone else hurt him.

It is obvious you are not a father. Parents need to make choices for their children. Even law supports that, thats why we are legal guardians of our children unil they are adults. If we do not make choices for them they would do whatever they feel, and they do not have the knowledge and experience to know what is right all the time.

My husband and I we both grew up in Catholic homes. My husband decided he did not want to be Catholic very young (he continued going to church, though, to please his family. It took me a little longer. We are agnostic now. Although the beliefs you learn at home become part of who you are, they do not determine who you are, what you think or what you will become. A couple of years ago our daughter decided she wanted to be a Catholic. According to your theory we should have let her, right? Wrong. We told her we are not Catholics and that she was too young to go to church by herself (we do not trust priests for good reasons), that if when she grows up she wants to be Catholic she can go to church and do whatever she pleases, but until then we will not take her there.

My parents are both Christian. And one of the best decisions they made in parenting me was to let me choose my own beliefs. I became an atheist at 8, and they accepted that and gave me no pressure to remain Christian - even though they'd prefer if I did.

Religious freedom is a basic human right - even for a child. I'm not saying you have to take a child to church if you're not comfortable with that (though if it were me I'd try to find some arrangement to do so, such as asking Catholic friends if she could go with them). But you have to let them decide for themselves what religion to be. It's their right. Belief is worthless if it's forced.

I admire your parents. It should have being very hard for them, as Christians, having an atheist daughter. We cannot make arrangements because we do not have friends (or family, for what matters). I am a little more open to let her be whatever she wants, but my husband does not even want to hear about it. He just hates Catholic religion with all his heart. I talk to her about our reasons for being agnostic, but I've told her once she is big enough (and well informed), she can belong to any religion she wants. She is reading the Bible right now to get informed on the religion she likes. I think it is very important that she makes a very informed decision. The only reason she wanted to become Catholic was because all the kids in her classroom are Catholic. Group pressure does not strike me like a good reason to become part of any religion.

I was ever more a parent to my two brothers than my own parents. Our own mother gave up on us. I was the one grocery shopping. I was the one paying for their food at school. I was the one taking them to and fro school. I was the one taking them for haircuts.

But I never made deicisions for who they were. They could express themselves as they pleased in whatever way they pleased, as they liked. As they prefered. I didn't force them.

If it was a decision based on their health, I'd make it. If it wasn't, I wouldn't. I let them be who they were.

Could he be being bullied? That was my first thought. I was harassed and bullied by so-called Chrisitans for a while and I even conisdered wearing Satanic imagairy to deter them. That was my first thought when I read your post.

Thanx all for reminding me to be open minded! I think I'm trying to be.....but still fail o so often!
Yes my son unfortunatly falls victom to bullies easily, but this is also part of his lack of social skills....I do try and address it as far as possible. I must say I really try to be part of my sons world and try to understand his perspectives....even though I'm 41 I try and Jay board with him. Even took him to a rock concert though - knew it will be sensory overload and then I had to help him with sensory meltdown that evening!
I just want to clarify that this post intention wasn't to discuss the darkside vs believes ect....I just wanted to know if this type of obsessed thinking and behavior is part of asd, because then I can understand him better....Being concrete in thoughts and anxious about problemsolving, talking about my son now, I was just wondering how I could help him with this. And because his behaviour worstened I was worried regarding depression....

I'm sorry about your childhood. I've always complained about my parents, but when I hear stories like yours I think they were not that bad aftet all. My big sister was also, in many ways, like a mother to me. And now that she has her own kid she does treat him the same way. The kid is an spoiled child and nobody (family included) stands him.

My husband tried the laissez fair approach with our kid. It did not work. She has a strong tendency not to work and to stop trying if something does not come out perfect at the first try. I am try one pushing her into work and into continue trying until she makes things work. Now she is more willing to try and starting to work independently. Being a parent is not only about letting your kids be whatever they want. It is also helping your children be all they can be. Probably your siblings are nice people who took all the right decisions, but not all kids come with the right tendencies. Some need help to get there. I've seen kids which parents let them be become drug addicts, thieves, and one ended up with and undesidered pregnancy (and having the fatherless child). I know of others who became good, working people, but its a lotery.

Lika, I agree with you......I even most propibly made myself unpopular when phoning my sons friends mom , did discuss it with my son first, asking her to just check on the kids when they play at her house because after me and my son discussed the picture he draw with shooting, blood ect he told me that he and his friend plays a shooting game on playstation with age restriction of 16 V.....My son is different than other children, he memorize every word, facial expression exct...and this becomes part of his behavior....this is sometimes inappropriate, he doesn t realize this and then his friends thinks he is stupid. He also gets terrible nightmares when watching or playing this type of games....surely there must be a reason why things have a age restriction, otherwise what s the use?
I know I am opening a can of worms, but my heart is bleeding for Aamy Winehouse, they say she was suffering from bipolar and I can t stop wondering if things would have turned out better for her if her parents maybe seeked guidance and proff help when she was younger!?

That sounds a bit like Newson Syndrome. How does your son react when given commands? Does he try to avoid doing something just because someone told him to do it?

He often refuses, just because he doesn't want to !?
He is very influensable! Very!

But that's a decision based on health, those are negative lives and negativity affects health. Those are the decisions that you should be against. But what they believe, like if my brother wanted to be a budhist than that's fine with me. If my brother wanted to become an artist. All right. There are two legimate decisions. Health and none health.

I agree with this. My kiddo is 7 and it really getting into all this stuff. I think he likes exploring "bad stuff" because he himself feels the need to follow every rule ever made. I think its a way of rebellion and exploration. As long as it stays age appropriate and he his behavior is the same....that's fine with me. It is also one of the ONLY things he has in common with other boys his age. He hates sports, but at least he can do "battle" games and video games with them now.

You may want to look at this website, see if it sounds like him. If so, there are different strategies used with these kids than other autistics. They have an extreme phobia of being controlled, so they need indirect directions. For example instead of 'show me the A', say 'I wonder where the A is?'

thanx ettina.....I will. must say, because they also suspected odd i read the explosive child written by dr green....it helped alot and sounds the same type of techniques....but as i said i know i handled this situation wrongly!

I do not think your friend will forbid her kid to play that video game while your kid is there. And if she pushes too hard the kid will probably stop inviting your kid over. It is a very difficult situation. Unless they can meet at your place or any other place, at least for a while. Maybe you can invite the kid over, or plan going outs, like going to eat, to the movies, etc.

What your kid has (memorize every word, facial expression, etc...and this becomes part of his behavior), is called Asperger's. Aspies do that. My daughter once started re-enacting at school a scene from a movie she watched the day before in which the bad guy attempted to strangled the good guy. The teacher at school thought my daughter was being abused at home.

My daughter is 11 years also and she still has terrible nightmares when she watches violent movies/videos. She will have nightmares from listening to her classmates talking about the movies they watched. It is very hard. Probably you can talk to your son and use that (the nightmares) as a token for him to avoid playing those videogames with his friend. But you need to give him alternatives. You can, for example, buy him videogames for them to play together. Good, trendy, multiplayer videogames for his console without violent content. Those are difficult to find, but not impossible. There are a lot of sports games that are E rated: football, soccer, baseball, nascar, etc., and kids usually like sports games. I dislike Playstation because almost all the titles have very graphic violence. We have a Wii console at home and my daughter only plays Mario games (E rated).

I have found that is infinitely better for all concerned for the play overs to be at my house. There are a multitude of reasons, video game selection is just one.

That said, both of my children know that all families have different rules in their homes and with their kids. I need them to be able to carry our rules with them if they are to play elsewhere. Until they are able to do that, they need me to keep my eye on them.