Providing Emotional Support

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I think there should be parenting classes and a license for having have kids. All parents should be required to get a parenting license before the kids' first birthday, regardless of whether the pregnancy was planned or unplanned. The licensing exam would consist of numerous questions about how to handle different situations. The license should also require a renewal exam every five years in order for it to remain valid. Parents who aren't "licensed" will still be allowed to have kids, but will be closely monitored by specialized authorities. To accomodate immigrant parents, foreign language versions of the exam will be available.

If you think this is absurd, think again. In the US, you need a license or a certificate to drive a car, work as a plumber, get married, be a teacher, run a business, and much more. But to have kids, all you need to do is get hot and sweaty in bed. That is not the way it should be. Why should a person suffer for nearly two decades just because the parents felt horny?

Anyway, let's not get sidetracked. This thread is about parents who demand emotional support from their kids.

I think it is completely socialistic nonsense to say that a parent should have to get a license to have a kid - who gets to decide what is the "proper" way. And MOST obviously - do you really think with all the discrimination in this world that wouldn't effect who would get "permission" to reproduce. It would be a eugenicists dream for a select group to decide who was "worthy" and with all the stereotypes about minorities and those on the spectrum I'm sure society would lose it's differences. Oddly enough though it is ususally those who feel slighted by their parents for not respecting their differences that want things like this - not realizing that most likely those requirements would effect them. This is what happens when people are spoon fed that the nanny system for the government is a good thing. What if the parenting authorities agreed with your parents that you were a "parasite" - would you have been treated even worse or more harshly. What happens to those who get pregnant without permission? And of course then it would be a short leap to consider that prenatal testing might be a "good thing" to consider before getting this license so "eugenics by default" could easily become a by-product of such licensing.

Here is an article about "genetic outlaws":
http://www.businessweek.com/technology/ ... 148057.htm

So this is WAY different than about getting a driver's license.

Edited for this - Here is an article about how "benevolent" states decided in the past to involuntarily sterilize thousands of women in this country - doubt many of them could have passed parenting exams either.

http://www.prisonplanet.com/articles/Se ... genics.htm

And people still run red lights despite having a license. Teachers are forced to pass children into the next grade whether they've learned or not, plumber's don't come back and make sure their work is still up to code, and what about the business leaders that have been sued for embezzlement or worse?

A license is really just another tax. As far as following up on the licensing, we already have the Department of Children and Family Services.

Kids are still abused and even killed.

The biggest problem is parents raise their children the same way they were raised. Most of us honestly don't know better. If it worked for me, then it should work for my off-spring as well.

Some of us are trying to mend our ways but it's very hard.

What do you exactly mean when you say "worked for me"? How can parenting "work" when grown kids end up broken and bitter for life. I, for instance, can't possibly imagine myself having a loving relationship with anyone. The only forms of love I knew are food, shelter, clothing, and compliments for good grades. So when I was dating this girl recently, I was very surprised at the geniune warm feelings I felt toward her, since I never learned them while growing up. Maybe this ablility is within us all, bad parenting just represses it, and it's possible to bring it out again.

In the end, while I'm hoping to eventually find a relationship, I'm definitely never having kids. If it wasn't for my aversion to surgery and other associated fears, I'd get a vasectomy. To test my theory, ask any adult how exactly they feel about their parents? Do they have a close friendship with them or do they have an aloof "holiday greeting card" relationship? In either of these cases, there's a reason why.

This reminds me of an episode of Judging Amy, where they were going to adopt a dog for Lauren. The person from the pound was asking Amy all these questions about how responsible she'd be with the dog. So then Amy said, "I didn't need to answer all these questions to have a child!" Then Lauren the daughter goes, "Really?" and Amy said, "Yeah, really."

This goes to show you how dogs get more legal protection than children. Does a parenting license still sound like a bad idea? This post alone is enough to show you how screwed up the NT society is. Why shouldn't there be a parenting license, along with an exam to get it? Having kids without a license is the one freedom I'm definitely willing to give up.

while in theory a parenting license is a good idea, in reality~ i'd be a bit afraid....everyone has a different idea of what is "being a good parent"~that doesn't mean that all parents are bad...but who would get to decide who gets to have a license and who doesnt ? personally, i have friends who i consider good parents, but i wouldn't want them raising my kids ( they're a bit too uptight)~ in turn, i'm sure they don't like my parenting style as i tend to be fairly laidback....it's just too much of a mess to consider licsensure...............i do think, however, that parenting classes and working at a preschool or daycare should be mandatory curriculum for high school students~perhaps this volunteer work would give them a better idea of what taking care of another is like.

While I think it's only common sense on the part of the child to not perpetually make life hard for his parents, I think that the child giving emotional support to his parents beyond that is a load of bull.

It's not the child's responsibility to become a tiny little in-house therapist to disturbed parents who apparently can't cope with life. Not only do children lack the formal training, but in doing so they are forced to abandon their own childhoods long before they should have to.

The wording does sound a little difficult for most 12 year olds to grasp.

I think that parents need to realize that their offspring didn't choose to be born.

What's the point of that? The parents didn't ask to be born, either, and yet, here we all are!

Bad parents stink. Most of them probably had bad parents themselves. The best we can do when we become adults is to try to be the best people we can be. If a person had bad parents, he or she will probably need professional help and training to work through the problems and learn to be a happier, better person.

Instead of demanding emotional support from children, parents need to teach it and model it. It takes a certain amount of maturity to provide emotional support, and adults should seek it from other adults.

My parents got the equivalent of the "license" you speak of. They had multiple interviews with "experts" and had their home inspected for appropriateness. Even their friends, family and church were looked into. I'm adopted. The government supposedly was out there making sure only the best candidates got the cute white female babies back then.

Let me tell you how well that worked out.

My father was a workaholic who when he wasn't at work was working on his sideline as an alcoholic. (He slipped in a few affairs as well, but when I got older I came to understand those better).

My mother was a mentally ill power/control freak. Still is to this day. I was rarely allowed out of the house.

My first marriage? A disaster. I married a man who tried to kill me, and darned near succeeded on the third try. 10 years later I met my current husband, an aspie it turns out, and 13 years later we're still happy as on day 1. I did a lot of things I'm not proud of in between, learning how to be in an honest relationship.

On top of that, I've worked as a child support officer. I've seen the cycle, and seen what happens when 13 year olds have kids.

The difference is, driving isn't a right. Being a plumber isn't a right. Being a teacher isn't a right. But we do have the right to our own bodies. And so the cycle will continue.

Aspie1... no offense intended whatsoever when I say this. From the sounds of it, your folks had some serious issues. Comments like "you're just being stupid" can be incredibly damaging to a child that age. I would extrapolate that there were other things at play there as well, including emotional unavailability on the part of your parents and, from the sound of it, mind trips. All of which are useless, juvenile and counterproductive.
You have my deepest... empathy, I guess.

This reminds me of a converstation I had with my parents a few days ago. They were asking me about when I wanted to start a family and how I planned to go about it. I firmly told them "never". When they asked why, I said: "I tried family life once, and got disappointed". While this was intended partially as a bitter joke, there is truth to it: how would I be able to raise my kids, if I practically raised myself? ("Raising" here refers to affection, not providing food and shelter.)

Aspie1~ i practically raised myself too, and now have 3 children of my own. my mission in life is to give my chldren the love, attention and understanding that i *didn't* get... .if you want a family, you'll find a way