Test subjects, I mean guinea pigs, I mean parents needed...

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So, ann/SC 2010

Anything you would like to add before I go back to rework that section, or have you added all the input that you wish to?

I enjoy your writing style, and think you have a lot of insight into what may be going on with ASD kids. However, you are only 24 and not (yet) a parent, so you don't really have a feel for what it's like to be in the parent's shoes. You seem to make a lot of negative and hostile assumptions about how parents are viewing their children and handling the issues, and in places get on a rant. I think detailed editing from an NT parent could help you see which sections need to be tightened and/or softened.

On TV and video games in particular, I'm glad you were able to manage them and still be successful in college. I have friends whose children got sucked into the video game obsessions and dropped out and are struggling. As a parent, I think it's important to understand how video games help my child to switch off and unwind, but to balance the time spent on them with the need to do homework and learn other life skills.

in this thread, we are seeing exactly how theory of mind is being developed.

tracker is going from a state of mind with little empathy for parents with ASD kids. and he's learning their theory of mind, which in time will lead to empathy (if he chooses to heed the feedback).

I happen to think that Tracker has shown a LOT of empathy for parents with ASD kids over the years. You've totally misread that one. No one without empathy could have gone through the lengths to which he has to help total strangers. There is a reason he is nearly universally loved by parents on this board. He EARNED it.

But ... I think you may be responding to a trigger, which I saw after I posted this ...

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 11 Sep 2011, 3:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think this is a little harsh towards someone who has vested what Tracker has towards helping parents on this board, and who obviously IS seeking editorial input from NT parents.

i agree, it was pretty harsh. but other parents have expressed the same sentiment in this thread. and we all know ASD is hereditary. i don't know the backstory about tracker, but i'm sure he's a good person.

personally, in a situation like this i'll just trust what multiple people say and revise accordingly. its this calibration process which develops theory of mind and eventually becomes empathy. because you *know* how another person feels.

Honestly, I don't see the comments in this thread trending that way at all.

I haven't read the re-write, only the first book, and that first version has become an invaluable resource to parents who come to these boards. I've heard only positive things. Did Tracker sometimes, in the first book, sound like someone with AS who is making assumptions that may or may not be correct? Of course. How could he not? He cannot write as anyone but himself, and should not expected to. Any attempt to be something different would take away from authenticity of the book.

Tracker, I'm going to throw out a rough guess since I have not read the re-write, but are you maybe trying to be more clinical this time? Have you taken too much of that personal voice out? Certain pieces of information are going to come across differently depending on the anchor from which they descend. If you remove the anchor, which is who you are and where you come from, that changes the color of the information.

Okay, you asked for it, right? Generally I love your empathy and informative support both on WP and in your book.

I feel the first section is too long and can be said in half the number of paragraphs. We get the point faster than you think. It sounds a bit whiny - woe is me - and defensive - why would anyone want to read this book. Yes, you suffered, so state that, but now you want to come across confident b/c you have much wisdom to bestow upon us NT parents. (I say this b/c I have this problem as well. In my day, my ADD was only punished, and heavily. I have much reason to be confident. I have to choose to be. Comes across much better than whiny.)

In the Nothing to Fear.... section, I would shorten all the paragraphs describing all the negative reactions of d parents of newly diagnosed kids.

I'll get back about the rest.

My apologies for coming across so harsh. I didn't have time today to edit and soften what I wanted to convey. I think the book has "great bones", and started off as a big fan of it. The sensory sections in particular were very enlightening. The further I read in the first book, however, the more attacked I feel, and it gets in the way of hearing what Tracker has to say. With the right editiing, I would encourage Tracker to pursue publising it.

I might have been a little on edge before entering this thread, I'm just stressed out to the max in real life (stuff I have to solve, nothing I can really cry on people's shoulders for), so I'm sure all is good as long as it turns into constructive critique for Tracker. I think we would all love to see him be able to sell the book.

I truly would love to see Tracker's book published. It's amazing, unique and much needed. It's invaluable. But it could be improved to be accepted and useful to a wider audience of NTs. Zette is right. It could use some editting from a NT with Tracker's intent in mind. I feel strongly that Tracker's perspective, descriptions, ideas and informations is of great interest to parents. The empathy is good but is unnecessarity long winded. Please don't cut it out, just shorten it so I get the point but can get on to the good stuff.

What I would love to see is Tracker's book with GreenTurtle's cartoon at the front.

Hello all

First, I would like to thank DW for coming to my defense; but as much as I appreciate the sentiment, I am fine with people disagreeing with me. With everything I've been through, a couple people on the internet criticizing me isn't going to hurt me much. Plus, I asked for honest opinions, and thats what I got. I don't see any reason to be defensive about that.

As for the empathy comment, I believe GuywithAS was referring to the proper definition which is an understanding of how other people think. Which is definitely true as I am trying to learn how other people (parents) think. He didn't say sympathy, which is what I believe you misinterpreted it as. However, referring to somebody in 3rd person and pathalogizing their desire for insight can be interpreted by some as somewhat condescending. So perhaps GuywithAS should learn more empathy himself and chose better words next time.

As for the other comments:

I understand that my book is somewhat 'lectury', and that is the problem I am facing. On one hand, I do not want to come across as preachy, or lectury, as that tends to drive readers away. But on the other hand, I do want to make it more than abundantly clear to the parent that this isn't something they can just ignore or downplay. I think the diabetes analogy is a perfect example. It saddens me when I see parents with 16, 18, or 20 year old children who come on this board and talk about how their child is failing school, cant work a job, etc. And in every case, its the same thing. The parent just didn't really know that their child needed help, where they needed help, what to do to help, or how to do it. So they just muddled through one day at a time, never really made progress, and now they find themselves at a stage where they are years behind. I am not saying the parents are bad people, nor bad parents, but this is exactly what happens when you don't deal with the problems effectively. And I know from first hand experience that many parents don't.

I am struggling with trying to be as direct as possible about the need to take this seriously. And while that can sometimes come across as preachy or lectury, I would rather lecture a parent than have a child be treated the way I was, or wind up as just another sad statistic. When your child is playing in the street, you don't just casually mention the importance of staying on the lawn do you? Of course not, you grab your child, get in their face, and lecture them. Because it isn't just something you can ignore and hope it goes away.

My question really is how can I get that point across without making the parent feel alienated, attacked, blamed, or lectured at? Because I am not trying to blame, or attack the parents. I am trying to do the exact opposite which is help them. But I am having difficulty figuring out how to get that point across to the average reader without lecturing them first.

As for the comments about my book seeming to make hostile assumptions, thats true. I assume you are probably talking about chapters like the 'discipline' chapter where I basically tell parents not to just beat their children into submission. For many parents that can seem like a 'well yeah, what kind of person does he think we are' moment. But as somebody who was beaten for not fitting in (literally), I feel it is important to put that sort of stuff in there. It won't apply to everybody, but there are still people who need to hear it.

The people who come on this board are the people who are interested in learning, and helping their child. After all, you wouldn't put forth the time and effort to post on this board if you didn't really care. But not everybody is like that. Many parents are just looking for a quick fix solution to their perceived problems, and they don't want to understand their child, they want to fix them. Giving them advice isn't going to work as they are just going to try it, get frustrated, and go back to the brute force approach. I want the book to explain why that isn't going to work, and why exactly understanding is so important. Because if I don't address the worst of the problems, then I can't help parents in those situations.

Personally I think your book needs to be direct/blunt. You may well be telling people things which they would prefer not to hear. But isn't that the whole point?

There is no shortage of reference texts which tiptoe around the subject. But why produce another one of those?

I have read numerous books on the subject of AS, and particularly parenting AS. I cannot relate many of them to my own experiences. Many are too fluffy, sugar-coated - and don't tell the simple, hard truths.

I don't mean that the books should be downbeat or negative - just that they should be honest.

In the long run I am convinced that is more beneficial both to the parent and the child.

I kinda agree with AspergerFiction. I wouldn't say blunt but you could list very quicky the problems many parents get in to that you are trying to help us avoid. It's up to us to take you seriously. Your explanations and illustrations give parents a much needed understanding. That understanding helps us to take you seriously. Your understanding is powerful. Let us get to that quickly.

Funny thing is, if you worry too much about how to approach us at the beginning, you will turn us off before we read the book. I could't get my husband to get past page 50 in the original book. I bet someone else can write that beginning (and maybe other "preachy" parts) for you and not lose the heart of what you are trying to do. You can focus on the meat of the project that you do so well.