anger and temper tantrums...9 yr old DS

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Wow - this has been a very informative thread.

My son has been able to be very successful in school until recently and most people don't even have a clue that he is on the spectrum (we are having some debate if the AS diagnosis is correct or if it should be Autism or PPD-NOS). But, right around his 9th birthday, things started getting a LOT worse. He got suspended from school about 4 times last year and once already this year for meltdowns that included throwing things and kicking and/or hitting staff that tried to get him to the office. He is in a small, private school and they had to have consequences for that type of behavior. Meltdowns that did not pose a risk to others were not punished in any way.

This year (he will be 10 in November), things are continuing to get worse, to the point that the school has finally decided that they are no longer a good fit for my son. He has not been expelled, but the teacher, the director and I mutually agreed that it would be best for him to not attend the school any more. They are not equipped to deal with special needs children, and my son's behavior is getting progressively worse.

4th grade writing and homework are a MAJOR source of anxiety. I am hopeful that we can figure out how to help him with the anxiety. We are having our first IEP meeting with the public school on Thursday. They want to just put him in a regular 4th grade classroom. His current teacher thinks that he should be in a class with about a 4:1 ratio or have a full-time aide. This is a kid that a year ago, the public school wouldn't qualify for an IEP because his teacher felt that he was functioning well in school socially and academically.

It is SO helpful to know that my son is not the only one to go through this at about 9 years old. I was wondering what was going on. He was SO much different just a few months ago.

For right now, until I can figure out what else to do, or until I can find a good placement for him, I am planning to homeschool. We will see how it goes. If it goes well and I can't find a placement I really like, I will just keep homeschooling. It will also give us extra flexibility to be able to do extra therapy to see if we can help make things better.

I also really appreciate the distinction between temper tantrums and meltdowns. Not everyone gets the difference. My son rarely throws things as part of a tantrum (it does happen, but not very often). Generally, he really has a meltdown, where he appears completely unable to hear or speak, and he simply grunts if anything. He will lash out if you try to move him. It can take an hour or more for him to calm down. Afterwards, he frequently fall asleep. These can hit very fast sometimes and it is hard to prevent them unless you are really watching and aware of him (a good reason to keep him out of a regular classroom where the teacher can't be that aware of him all the time).

I am going to try to print this entire thread to show his therapist. It really has a lot of good information that sounds just like him.

We never had significant problems in school until last year, either. My older daughter is an autism intervention worker so she had noticed some signs of autism, and I had found her difficult to reach / discipline / help when she was younger. But as the youngest of seven kids, she benefitted from the "large family socialization" that meant she was not only manageable but also engaged, busy, quite talkative, etc. We didn't see any real academic problems until the beginning of middle school, when teachers wondered if her frequent absences were the cause of her difficulties. They did initial testing, we put her on the waiting list for assessment by the best psychologist in the province, and meanwhile her behaviour became problematic. She was the victim of bullying and rumours, and ended up being suspended for reacting inappropriately. Zero tolerance = zero sensitivity. The principal was horrible. The methods and resources teacher who had been working with her (and waiting for the assessment to put accomodations / modifications in place) didn't have a chance to explain. I am still in tears every time I think of him saying, "Listen, your daughter is not the victim here." We made a lot of progress over the summer; I changed my expectations and way of communicating with her, she worked with a therapist she liked, and we kept her away from most of the triggers. (I still have to learn how to do things better when we're in the middle of an "episode" (rigidity, escalating stress...)). Yesterday she got off to a good start at school on a modified program. I would push for the changes you feel your child needs, and also make sure you communicate that you are on your child's side at home.
J.

My son is 10 and on spectrum and just finished his first three days of 5th grade. Fourth grade was tough. He did the same lashing out as described above and just wasnt the loving boy I raised. He got VIOLENT at school, not hurting anyone but hurting things, kicking desks, bushes, benches, you name it. I was so perplexed as to why it was happening. I figured it might be partially hormones. The emotions were hard for him...We took him to UCLA for help, we started socialization training and just recently finished the UCLA friendship program..Keep saying "Tomorrow is a new day"...

How to deal with children with AS can be very situational so you will have to post specific instances that he struggles with for any constructive advice on his meltdowns I think.

A child with AS should be able to acquire all life skills but social ones naturally, so I hope the nature of his occupational therapy emphasizes social skills and interacting with other people. Though if he needs speech therapy at 9, I have to wonder if there is a chance he actually has HFA rather than AS or PDD-NOS.

Concerning bed wetting. If there are no urological abnormalities then he will most likely out grow it. There is a nose spray the doctor can give him to prevent it though, and I do hope that when he does wet the bed that you don't give him the impression that he did a bad thing, or display any type of behavior that causes him anxiety, depression, or lowers his self confidence because this will make the issue worse.

This blog has given me so much information! Thanks to everyone!

We didn't have any bed wetting this week...yea!! I do not punish him for wetting the bed, I just remind him to go to the bathroom before bed...

My DS has never had a temper tantrum or meltdown at school (only a few times at family functions). He usually has his meltdowns at home....it's like once he reaches his safe place (home) is when the meltdown happens.

This weekend was pretty calm for my DS. He only got frustrated with his sister, and on Sunday night - because he knew it was a school day today.

I did speak with his teachers, and we agreed after 1 hour of homework it is time to stop even if it is unfinished....I will write daily updates on what homework we complete. His teachers told me he is doing great at school!