teenagers these days..

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Yeah well hopefully original poster will come back - or there may be others in a similar position.

Care in the first couple of years of life is critical for someone's sense of basic worth and stability (see eg I think Piaget re development stages of children). In our case our NT daughter did not really get that (we did not have a lot of family support, my wife developed schizophrenia when pregnant with her and was deeply depressed. She gave our daughter the basics eg food but was not responsive and gave our daughter no love at that time). Our second child our ASD son was much different, as my wife's medication had by then improved her position a bit and also our son unlike our daughter was a very easy baby.

Our daughter showed some self-harming tendencies at her girl only school (where there were some quite bitchy girls), but our ASD son has not shown any of that, given his much better early upbringing (and perhaps his easier going personality).

But the differences in achievement of our NT daughter (despite her poorer early upbringing) and our ASD son are despite this now really significant. I think it would be fair to say our daughter is now performing at a rather stellar level at university. She has been an A+ student, has a nice boyfriend and is president of an active club. She works very hard and consistently and will be going to study overseas next year. When she makes a mistake she has developed a great attitude about finding ways to correct the issue. (I wish our ASD son had a tenth of her approach to life).

So I think in the right environment you can get a real change, as our daughter has now blossomed at university, and has learned a positive approach. I think she went to the counsellors at university when she started there, and found them very helpful, unlike the school counsellor, although we have found the school counsellor for our son very helpful.

Maybe OP could see about counselling. I think it is a good thing in a way that the issue is coming up. As they say "in vino veritas" and maybe getting drunk (although, thank goodness there is no risk of our 17yo son doing that) was good in this instance as it raised the issue and now it can be dealt with. Support is what is essentially needed.

Wow! thanks you so much for your advises.. I have been busy and after reading your comments I felt happy because I felt that I'm not the only one who is dealing with this problem and that hoping that everything will turnout fine in the end.

Well if he was hurting himself and saying he hates his life......to me that could be a sign of depression. So in that case he's not feeling very good about his life or himself so that's why. I would suggest maybe trying to talk to him about what he's upset about.

Also, I don't think your son is a 'bad kid' but you did mention he was drunk, so while I can understand your concern with not wanting him getting involved with the wrong people and such its not exactly freakishly abnormal for teens to get drunk or indulge in other drug use so I'd keep in mind maybe the people he hangs out with aren't 'bad'.....But I guess I would need to know what sort of issues go on at that school and why a school principle would refer to some of their students as 'bad kids' rather then trying to address problems at the school to help everyone. So yeah there is not a lot of info here so I cant say exactly what I think about the whole situation. But Id say he might be depressed, and unless the friends he does have are out causing trouble or something like that i would be careful about calling them bad people and such because he'd probably get defensive.....and then be even less likely to see the signs of if he really is hanging out with the wrong crowd.