I have a problem - need opinions.

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@srriv345: What she has figured out about her hair so far is that she needs to use a wide toothed brush and when she does wash her hair at night, she needs to put in two braids so that it is not all kinky in the morning. I never did the comb thing with her. I will get her one.

I have weird hair. Parts of it are straight and parts of it have some curl. Most of it has a single wave. lol. I have found straightening it is the best for me. Other than the curl, my daughter has my hair. Very thick and very hard to manage. I used to have perms a lot. I had to have a special wrap because not having this wrap, the curl would fall out within 3 weeks. I learned how to style curly hair. I have never shown her how though. I also don't have the money to buy her the product she would need (yet - I have court tomorrow, and hopefully that will be taken care of then - at least support ordered).

Just wanted to reiterate that I also understand that your concern is for your daughter, and not because of any standards. I also struggled when I saw my son going through what I went through in grade school - it's exceptionally painful, because as a parent all I wanted to be able to do was make a better life for my kid than mine had been.

I think, aside from safety issues, the best you can do is make sure your daughter understands it is not her fault, and that you love her just as she is. I had no safe haven at home - my son does. You have a limited amount of control over the bullies, but you can explain that you, too went through this - you came up with strategies - you worked it out in the end.

Her strategies may not be the same as yours, and that's OK.

i think its perfectly understandable to want to protect your child and make them less of a target. how you go about that task matters a great deal.

the part that worries me is not the actual forcing her to do things she doesnt want to do, but rather the overall message of what that would teach her. that she should change herself to fit in, that what others think of her is more important than what she thinks. if she gets this message from you now, what happens in the future if other kids try to get her to "fit in", by smoking, drinking, having sex, stealing, etc.

we do such a great disservice to young girls when we try to make them conform to social standards that are unnecessary and unhealthy. women do not need to style their hair, shave their legs, or wear fashionable clothing. women need to stand up for themselves and have self confidence. as women ourselves, *that* is what we need to teach our children, not the superficial crap. self confidence will be hugely more protective than a cool 'do and a stylish outfit.

Sorry - I skipped a bit this time (I don't usually).
Do you mention somewhere how old your kid is? If so I missed it.

As for shaving legs and arms - Would she be more comfortable in long pants? Avoid the shaving issue altogether. Though I'm a guy so it has nothign to do with hairy legs and shaving them, I never ever wear shorts. Just an idea.

As for should you try and moderate her style? No. Discuss it with her. Have a weekly "Mom and Daughter" session every week where you go thru her clothes together and toss any that have holes (that's a bigger issue than fuzzy arms) to get a routine idea that holey clothes are bad clothes.

And maybe take her to a spa and pedicure place where they wax her or something. Let her get a feel for the "clean all over" feeling and maybe some of it will stick.

As for bullies. Well. There's only so much you can do about it. Talk to her about when and where these events occur. Try and brainstorm solutions that can be applied in the field: IE if there are bullies in the hallway, get your locker moved closer to a high-teacher-traffic area. Just one idea.