Old question.....need new insight......

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My son is just like this also. He is better when he is in a place that is unfamiliar because he has no reference, but if I have a playdate at my house he cannot play outside of a script, and he bosses his friends around and it's really hard. I honestly think that it's a pragmatic language difficulty and ToM, because I know he's not intending to be bossy, it's just the way he says things. When he is reminded to use a nice voice he will do it, but he has to be reminded a lot because that isn't natural for him, but the bossy part is a much harder nut to crack. I also think that because he is such a black and white, factual guy it's hard for him to deviate from what he "knows" to be true. For example, his speech therapist shows him a picture and askes my son to tell a story about the picture. He states facts about the picture, but doesn't come up with anything imaginitive, it's all based on what he see's. This carry's over to play, where he plays light sabers, and can only play out a script from the movie. Ask him to do a battle of his own? forget it. We play something else because he just can't come up with is own dialogue. You spend most of your time just doing what he asks because it's not worth the hassle. I said to my husband one day that when he's an adult and someone asks who his childhood best friend was, he'll say me.

When speaking to him about appropriate ways to interact, if he's talking about someone else's behavior he is able to explain what is appropriate and what isn't, when he talks about his own identical behavior he shuts down. He knows intellectually how to behave, he's been in social skills therapy forever, but actually remembering to do that is another story, or having the maturity to accept his issues and work around them. Then when he is corrected he feels shame, which eats at his self esteem and subsequently makes his behavior worse so I very rarely apply punitive consequences for this.

All I can say is model the behaviors, facilitate play and keep teaching your child until they get it and apply it consistently. It's hard, and sometimes it feels like you will never get anywhere, but you will. Slowley, but it gets better if you don't give up.

As far as aggression...verbal and physical, my son has a problem with that too. After trying many things and being afraid for his safety I have chosen to medicate. This has helped him tremendously. I don't get the mouth, I don't get the hitting, he's more cooperative and he feels much better about himself. I'm not anti medication, but I don't like it and that's a hard decision to make. I also leave that totally up to him. He is experiencing some side effects, but he wants to take it. He says it works and he is starting to feel a little better about himself, and his life has much less conflict.

Thanx for your input.....I must say...it does work better if I ignore the verbal abuse and then speak to him later, but it takes alot of self control not to react to all the ugly things that is said towards me......He usually do feel sorry about it and we can talk afterwards. This is just so difficult if it happens infront of family or friends, who thinks that ignoring the behaviour = accepting the behaviour!
I was so proud of him last night, after bad arguing, he decided by himself to go and swing in the hammock....this calmed him down TOTALLY! He is starting to implement what the OT is teaching him!
Regarding telling his friends......maybe I would tell some, but he has a very insensitive boy who plays with him, living down the street from us, who is bad with name calling and teasing...so , nope, not for now.....
Regarding meds: He is on double dose anti depressants, that helps alot! He has less compulsive talking and less irritated!

I never really wanted to make friends as a kid. I just wanted someone to boss around and lecture to about my special intrests.