It Gets Better: Autism (video)

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Thanks for sharing your life, Lydia. I admire you for your courage and determination to keep going in a world that can be so tough! Thanks for reminding me to not give up. I am a mother of a young boy with AS, and we are never quite sure what we will be dealing with from day to day. Over all, he is doing fairly well, but we still have our struggles. Thanks again----

I just watched the video. Since you asked about "functioning," I think that the average person who does not know you and knows nothing about autism would see a woman petting a cat and wonder why she is not talking. Unfortunately we are all pretty much expected to conform to social norms...be glad you were not born in Japan, they are way more strict about that kind of thing here.

I AM glad, Wreck-Gar.

Fantastic video Lydia!

Thank you!

Go search google for "wretches and jabberers".

That movie was a pivotal moment for me, a father of an ASD 4 year old. I don't know why it took seeing that movie to understand, but even in the TTS community, our perceptions (and perspectives) as NT's are completely wrong. We (falsely) believe that LFA = LF (I hope that equation makes sense). That movie immediately woke me up to the idea that we, as a society and species, have been creating and perpetuating "boxes" for people that they'll never fit. Since I saw that movie, I've begun to understand Autism Spectrum Disorders as more "wired differently" than "disabled".

Labels matter, at least for those of us that are confused, lost, and sometimes a bit hopeless (or is it helpless?). So, to open yourself this way, to show that even inside the "box" that others have found so easy to pack you away inside, takes courage and strength. Even better, it matters. It matters to parents like myself, who are often confused by the little 4 year old boy that we wonder if we'll ever really understand. I only hope we can be so lucky that he's able to find his voice as well as you - at least then I'll know what he needs from me to understand the world around him.

The practical side of me says to speak in your most comfortable voice, whether in TTS, ASL, facial expressions, or texts - whatever is the most true to the "real you", do that, and the world will come you, and it will, as you say, get better.

(ps, for backstory info, I am an adult psychotherapist, and even I get woken up on a regular basis by my son. I think it's just a difference of perspective sometimes. Thanks for sharing yours)

[quote="InDaseinWeTrust"]Since I saw that movie, I've begun to understand Autism Spectrum Disorders as more "wired differently" than "disabled".quote]

I have seen Wretches and Jabberers. Great film.

I must say that I disagree with you on ASDs being a difference in wiring as opposed to a disability.

See, I need staff daily. I need medical assistance through the governemnt, and transportation, and SSI. I need help to know what clothes to put on in the morning, help to clean, help to cook. I can't balance my checkbook or even enter anything into it. I need help to use the ATM, the bank, the post office. I need help to go to the doctor. I could go on, but are you catching my drift?

You can't deny that I have a disability, and that I would in basically any society.

So, yes, my brain is wired differently... but that leads to a disability, for me.

Forgive me if the way I describe things is often not clear. I'm not saying that ASD doesn't have the potential to be disabling, but I think that the collective "we" (as a society, a culture, a civilization, or as NT's) stereotypically have dehumanized/depersonalized people at a certain level of disability and make a number of other generalizations about their ability to "function".

I suppose that a better way to say it is that your ability to communicate by typing gives no hint of the struggles you face physically, or mentally, with daily tasks. And, those that stand behind you at the atm, watching you get help, probably never imagine the clarity of which you're able to articulate yourself. Again, it's a generalization that we make. It's part of the way the brain functions. It's part of the science of how humans are able to recognize words, faces, dangerous situations, etc., with just a moment to perceive and react.

It's when we are presented with information that doesn't fit our schema that we begin to change how we define the world around us. It is by experience that we are able to specify, not generalize. However, the challenge is that we somehow have to help our brains (coax them, if you will) to understand new ways of thinking. For me, I was able to begin to understand ASD as more than what I had known it to be. I was, for a time, an intern ABA therapist working with a nonverbal toddler with ASD. When I first began to question my own son's developmental delays, they didn't make sense, because they weren't like the classic autism that I had been working with. I had to learn that it manifests slightly differently with each person. I have begun to notice, over the years, common themes and (what I like to visualize) common threads that sort of weave their way through the spectrum, but each person is another opportunity to redefine how I understand the spectrum as a whole.

So, I wasn't necessarily saying that in your case it wasn't disabling, but that for me to try to see the world the way you do and to do my best to understand what I can, it just works for me to rework the way I think.

Ultimately, as a parent, I want to help my son find his place in the world. But to do that, I have to be able to understand where he's coming from. I'm just glad that I got to learn something new by watching your video.

Understood; thanks for explaining yourself. I'm glad I was able to offer another perspective.

That's sad, Lydia, that people won't let you communicate in the way you feel most comfortable. I think that was a great video.

Thank you, Lydia...what a great video! I got tears in my eyes, because as a parent of a kid on the spectrum, you sometimes see the pain your kid's eyes, but know that the story may be beyond your child's ability to articulate. I'm so glad you were able to find happiness and peace after that difficult time a few years ago.

And re. your typing for communication: My husband has often said it's incredibly unfair that in almost every aspect - from schooling to socializing- our daughter (who is 9) has to accommodate herself to live in a NT world. We're not blind to the reality that she will have to adjust and learn how to survive in this world, but it seems like those of us in the NT world could certainly meet half-way. I think about how much less you would have to say if you were forced to conform to speaking all the time - not worth it because you have so much (good) stuff to say!

To be clear, no one is saying "you can't do that." They're either dead silent when it comes up (showing their disapproval) or say things like, "You need to try harder." But no one's disallowing me.

I think it's sad, too. I LIKE me, just the way I am. Yes, I need help with some daily living things... but I'm not less of a person and it's unfair not to let me be the way I am! It's not a disabled dog; it's a cat. I'm not a disabled NT; I'm a fully functioning person with autism.