I worry my 18 month old has aspergers

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With my older son with classic autism, I knew by 18 months that something was wrong. The lack of appropriate speech development was obvious. Hindsight being 20/20, he had an unusual scoot crawl, had a whole lot of anxiety, and was not gaining weight properly due to picky eating.

With my younger son with OCD and AS, I had no idea at 18 months. He babbled and reached his gross motor skills milestones on time. He had horrible separation anxiety, picky eating habits, and a strange scoot crawl. However, he was doing a lot better than my older son at the same age, so I figured that he was okay.

Basically, I think that sometimes a person can tell, and sometimes a person cannot.

I agree with everything you said except this. 18 months is not too early to begin asking the right questions. If the kid does have autism an actual dr or neurologist can diagnose and early intervention is KEY. If they say "maybe maybe not" then wait and don't fret, your child very well is just moving at his own pace. But I really think that if you ever have any questions like this you should ALWAYS bring it up with the dr at a checkup. It doesn't hurt but could make an absolute world of difference.

Also "typical" children do not obsessively line up toys and not play with them in other ways or only play with parts of toys like spinning wheels on a car, ect. Lots of babies do walk on their toes when learning to walk. My younger brother learned to walk at age 8 months....actually he just got up and started running. Both my brothers are very athletic but they also both have a lot of Asperger qualities. My younger brother is definitely an Aspie and one of his daughters is as well but she does well in school and is happy and Its not place to tell my brother that he and his daughter have Aspergers. Nor to tell them that his daughter does not have ADHD and feeding her pills are a bad idea....even though I really really want to. His wife is er....not a nice person, lets put it that way. I am estranged from them because of her and her "ideas" about my children and other ugly things that I wont go into.
Definitely a child at the age of 18 months can show signs of autism.

Also League_Girl I am not insinuating that anyone needs to panic, if he has autism, he does there is nothing to panic about. Now if you thought you child might have cancer, then you panic. If you suspect you child has autism you talk to your doctor and you can keep a journal of things you find "out of the ordinary". I raised 5 kids, my daughter is my youngest and I still did not really notice anything other than the fact that she just did things differently. I did not really know anything about autism other than the movie Rainman and it wasnt until she was not speaking (she would say "ice" infrequently) after she was over age of 2 that I got concerned and started doing internet searches and I did panic because my idea of what autism was at the time is volumes away from what I know it is now. Im also glad we figured it out and got moving when we did because at the time if my daughter had not gotten diagnosed before age 3 we would not have gotten the services that we did which were awesome.

We are actually happy that we had a child that was more "obviously" autistic as I found that I have Aspergers as does two of my other children. I know that my youngest son would have been diagnosed but he may have had gone through a lot more with us and his teachers and peers not understanding him. I may have sheltered him too much. We got answers and we learned about my daughter who is not only a joy and completely adorable but amazingly intelligent. I have this link with her and my 9 year old son with Aspergers that I did not have with my older kids although my now 19 year old and I are much better and my 21 year old NT daughter has also gained a far better understanding. Learning about our daughters autism has made out family closer and more understanding.

I became obsessed with knowing everything about autism and I knew in my head what was BS and what wasnt. I learned to understand myself and in this way I understand my kids. I used to think I was just weird and unintelligent and when I saw the behavior in my older daughter I tried to push her to act a different way, I was doing the opposite of what I should have done. I also was overprotective of her because I was abused (bullied) so badly at school that I never wanted that to happen to her and its caused her to become more reclusive and things are far more difficult for her now but, as I said, it is getting better. One of the reasons my husband sometimes panics a bit when I have to go to the hospital (which Ive been doing a lot lately due to my bone disease) is because I know how to defuse my kids, I know when to get tough and when they are having sensory overload. He doesnt but he is trying and I am helping him to learn some of my daughters routines and ways to speak to her as I will be in the hospital for 2 weeks after Christmas and then a few months later I will have surgery. Since Ive been ill he actually has learned a lot so maybe we can look at that as a good thing if its possible to find anything positive about this painful debilitating disease. I kind of have the Pollyanna syndrome that I always try to find something positive in the throes of misery. I think its all those Disney movies I watched when I was a kid and all the books I read. I also made up my own stories and I still write to this day. Ill let you all know when I get an agent. Im still being OCD about finishing one of my books before sending any part of it to an agent.

I think its great that there is more information out there now and its more available to people and people should "watch" their children.....and I know it may be scary to think about but once you learn and understand and even allow yourself to go through a grief process, you will realize there is no reason to panic or worry to the point of serious stress. Just keep educating yourself and even if your son does not have an ASD at least you are educated and maybe you can help others.
I encouraged my kids doctor to post the Red Flags for autism posters in their office after Maddy was diagnosed. I think its important to be informed as early intervention can make a difference. I encourage other people to look around your pediatricians offices and if you dont see any of the symptoms of autism posters, please point it out that they should have some.

I will admit that I when I was sitting at the computer (I remember that day very well) and I looked down at Maddy lining her animals, and shaking her hand every now and then, and I said her name a few times and she didnt look at me, I cried and I was sad, I knew at that moment my daughter had Autism. However, I got over it fast and my husband and I started our extensive research into what Autism was. We were armed and ready when we got the actual diagnosis and we just told the doctors thank you and what do we do next? They looked relieved and put the box of tissues away

I was actually more upset about my own diagnosis....at first I was happy as I finally had an answer as to why I could never fit in anywhere and why I did some of the things I did, but then I felt bad as though I lost something. I went through a grief type of process. Now I have no issues with having Asperger's other than when people try to "baby" me, or not tell me things to keep from upsetting me. Im still an adult, even though I act like a big kid sometimes , and I expect to be treated like one. Sometimes I need some assistance but my husband and even myself typically think of ways to help me. Like I printed out a pain chart with faces as numbers dont make sense to me to use at the hospital....little things like that. My disease (Ankylosing Spondylitis) affects me in ways that I can look at my autism and think of it as nothing really. I have had some things happen that still "embarrassed" me even after knowing like I freaked out at Physical Therapy because they put me in a tiny pool alone with a bunch of people and when I got out I could not find my PT or my husband and I live in France now and do not speak French so I could not ask. As soon as I found my husband I started crying (like a baby) and I never want to go back there again.....still Im learning to handle things better and trying to avoid things that will set me off and at least I now know why I act this way so its not as upsetting to me as it used to be.

Also the list I posted, your child will not have all those things and they may even have signs that are not listed but it is a good start. This is also a great place to get information and I do disagree with anyone who says that you should not be concerned about your child not reaching milestones as it could possibly be a sign of something....be it autism or any number of things. If this is your first child everything is going to freak you out but try not to worry too much the one thing all babies need is love and attention focus on that and try to stay in tune with them and you will notice if they are getting a cold or if they are not behaving in a typical way. Just try to enjoy him because they grow up way too fast. My oldest passed away at age 24 in August and I have two daughters 21 and 19, all from my first marriage. Now my babies are getting so big, my son is 9 and my baby is over 6 and half now!


League_Girl I just re read your post and as I said I agree there is no reason to get all upset but this last paragraph you wrote there are some things you say you should not worry about that you should.

"Some things listed I don't see as a big deal. Doing things early for one, lining things up, walking on toes (unless you want to worry about the kid getting teased about it when they go to school so you try and do something about that now), not playing with toys right, being independent for their age, unusual attachments, not interested in other kids (unless the parents are worried about their kid not developing social skills because he or she isn't around other kids to learn them but that only works with NT kids). There are things I don't get that are a big deal so they are seen as a red flag when to me it's nothing because it's not a big deal unless you get sick of your child taking everything off of shelves and lining them up and not ever putting them back and he or she makes huge messes because of it."

If you child is "obsessively" taking things off a shelf and lining these things up, this is a red flag....typical children do not do this.
Some typical kids do form attachments to toys, stuffed animals, blankets but in the list they mean things like a piece of string or a tire from a toy car or a clothespin.....my daughter got attached to a flower and cried for days when if fell apart....not typical!
School age children should not still be toe walking....as I said sometimes babies toe walk when they start to walk but should stop this before age 2 unless there is some physical problem.
Not playing with toys right? I dont understand what you mean by that. There is inappropriate and typical ways to play with toys. If you give most typical child a toy car they maybe push it on the ground where as an autistic child may just be interested in spinning the wheels around and be mesmerized by the spinning. A lot of autistic kids like spinning in general. My daughter would spin around and turn her eyes to the side for hours and hours, other people had to tell me that didnt look normal. It looked alright to me as I did the same thing when I was little and so did one of my older daughters. Also my two younger kids would sit and watch the front loading washing machine and I remember when I was a kid I would climb up on the washer and open the lid to watch the clothes go back and forth and learned how to hold the button down to watch the spin cycle.
School age kids should have an interest in other kids but this does not mean that they do not have Aspergers as my son wants friends very badly but does not know how to play with other kids, is bossy and gets upset easily. My daughter ignored other kids. I remember being at swimming lessons once and Maddy seemed so interested in another little girl, following her around and looking at her, I was thinking, "wow, I wonder what it is about that little girl that interests her?"......then she suddenly reached out and tried to pull out the little girls barrette, I got my answer .
I think its harder for us as parents with autism to "see" autism in our children as it seems normal to us.

Every child, without or without autism is different, so it really is very hard to tell. When it came to milestones, my daughter was way ahead of her peers on most things. So, many of the things on the list of things to look out for would have been a bit of a red herring in her case (although doing things early and independence get a little mention). Our health visitor only saw that she was developing well and did not recognise that, as she was so ahead of the game, this was significant too. As parents, we were pleased that she was already speaking in meaningful sentences and running without ever falling, at a year old.

But, she was a handful from day one. She screamed the hospital ward down when we changed her first nappy and wanted to suckle 24/7. She was always very demanding and as soon, as she could get about on her own, she was off and didn't listen to us telling her that what she was doing might be dangeous. She has seldom ever done a thing she's been asked to, yet she's the loveliest little person without a bad bone in her body.

She'll be 6yrs in a week and, until about a year ago, I doubt she would have received a diagnosis of Aspergers. She might have recived a diagnosis of ADHD (mild), but I don't think anyone would have recognised an ASD (although I know a lot of people consider ADHD to be part of the autistic spectrum and I think that way too). I think the most significant thing for us is that she has always been an enigma. Had it not been for the behaviour issues, I don't think we would be in the position we are today of being on the waiting list for autism assessment. Other than those issues, she's identical to me at that age, and at no point has anyone suggested that I needed to be assessed, although I'm almost certain I have AS too (my life reads as fairly typical for someone with undiagnosed AS). She's been spotted, at a fairly early age for a girl, which is a blessing for me.

I think normal is over rated and I don't understand why harmless things aren't a big deal? Because it's not "normal?"

I don't think rocking is a big deal nor hand flapping but they make that an impairment because people make a big fuss about it and it causes the kid to get bullied. But what if the kid learned to hide it?

I don't see anything wrong with special interests and spending hours with it. It only becomes a problem if it takes over so the kid is refusing to do homework and abandoning other things like their chores or going to bed or taking a shower and if they don't ever want to work because it doesn't evolve around their special interests and you don't want them mooching off the government because they don't want to work or want them mooching off you.

I can remember mom getting mad at me about my obsessions, me talking about them I can understand because no one wants to hear the same things over and over if that is all the person ever talks about, even aspies get annoyed by other aspies talking about the same things over and over. But she get mad at me about it if I watch it too much or look it up online too much or keep reading the same book over and over. For years she would take them away thinking she can stop them but instead they were in my head. Then she stopped getting mad at me about them when I was 12 and she stopped taking them away but she still didn't want to hear about it.

Mom hated my odd habits like me smelling things and didn't like me playing with my hair. But that was because she didn't want me to get bullied so I think she was trying to break me out of those habits so I would stop completely. I think the smelling thing may have been a sensory thing for me and playing with hair was more of a habit thing I bet. But yet my mom didn't seem to make a fuss over me wringing my wrists when I was little. She said I did it when I get stressed out so I did it to keep calm and I have seen me walking in the videos in noisy areas me doing it and looking around. I realize now that is typical autistic behavior i was doing and they do look at details and look around as they walk. That is what I was probably doing and to me it all looked normal when I saw it. But yet when I play on the fake ship in the play area, I seemed all normal all of a sudden. Just as long as I was having fun, I was normal. It would annoy me when my mom would make it out to be an abnormal thing when she pointed it out to me. I just said "I look normal and fine."


What I meant by not playing with toys right means they are not playing with them how most kids would play with them. Like no pretend play. When having a toy car, instead of pushing it around, they spin the wheel instead.


I used to get annoyed when my mother try and fix how things felt on me like how jeans felt and I didn't see anything wrong with my sensory issues. I didn't even know I had them. I didn't see what the big deal was about me not wanting to be hugged or touched or not wanting to wear jeans. I didn't even like clothes tight on me either and I was never aware that wasn't "normal" and I can remember her making a issue over my balance issues and I didn't see it as a problem and she was trying to fix them. She said they were impairing me but I look back and don't see any impairments unless me being clumsy and causing kids to get mad at me is one or me not being able to past the back stroke test for swimming so I could swim in the deep end.

I didn't even see my obsessions as a problem either until my mother made me be ashamed of them because she get mad at me about it and then finally I wanted it out of my head because Mom was making me ashamed of it. I still talked about other things and did other things and she still made a fuss about it. She said she just didn't understand.


Now as a parent I look at if my son or my next child turned out to have autism too or just having some traits, I am not going to do what my mother did unless it causes problems for the child. I would then have to teach them how to control their symptoms so they can manage them and learn to hide them and only do them in private if they don't want the bullying and the crap from people. My mother only fixed things that would make my life easier and so I can live independently. I would do the same for my son too.


If we look around here on this forum, we see members talking about their own autism and how they like it. Cockneyrebel talks about how her parents tried to get rid of the autism, magicmeerkat has asked things like why is is a crime to have one goal, why she should ride a bike, btbynnr has mentioned once how she doesn't like her routines being called nonfunctual.

Of course I don't know what CR's parents did like if they tried to only fix things to make her life easier or if they made a huge fuss over minor things that are no big deal just because the books say it's not "normal" or they didn't want to always want to hear about routemasters or her other interests.

Routines are only a problem if the person has a meltdown when he or she can't do what they always do and if it effects others around them because they can't be flexible so I assume that is what they call nonfunctual.

Only goals in life are bad if you don't want to work at all if you can't do what you wanted to do because then you be a burden to society for not working unless you are rich so you don't have to work because you have lots of money to live off of.


Who gets to decide what is normal and what isn't? I'd be offended if someone told me to get fixed because my fetish isn't "normal" so they tell me to see a doctor. Uh it's only a problem if it takes over your life and you avoid your family or other activities because of it because you can't go a few hours without it or a few days without it. So the person would have to seek help to get the urges under control and not have it take over. I don't care what the DSM says. I know it's there because it does take over some peoples lives or some do want to get rid of their urges but can't so they go and see a doctor to try and get rid of it. There was once a member here who told me to go see a doctor about my fetish and I blew up at her and it was a drama in that thread. I was offended was why. I even get offended when I get told to see a doctor about my lack of sexual desires. I discovered I am a gray-a (a new term for people who are between asexual and sexual). I don't see being a gray-a a big deal nor being asexual. It's only a big deal if the person wants it to be because they want a sex drive or a normal one so they can have a normal relationship. But I don't really care about mine so I see it as no big deal and I want it to be accepted than people acting like I need to be fixed just because wanting to have sex often is "normal."


Normal is over rated. What is normal?

I am probably one of those autistics who likes things to be accepted in us even though I didn't do all those things as a kid because I still played with my toys the right away because I did pretend play and I never lined things up the autistic way but every autistic child is different and my strong attachments were my blanket, Regady Ann dolls and Barbies.

In my eyes, League_girl, the issue isn't that an 18mo old who is displaying signs of autism might grow up to be quirky and flap his hands if he doesn't get intervention. The issue is what if that child, without intervention, will never speak nor type a word, will be highly aggressive, and will never be toilet trained? Severe autism and AS don't look that different very early on, and you don't know how the child is going to grow up. And so, that's why I think every child deserves the shot at EI. NOT to squelch the autism out of him (because I am not for that!) but rather to help him have some kind of shot at independence.

So this is about the what ifs? Like what if the child gets severely autistic so it's better to act now?

I was taught that worrying was a waste of time and to wait and see what happens and not worry about it. My dad had always said "worrying is a waste of time of energy."

Ah, the fine balancing act. Worrying is a waste, I agree, and earlier in the thread I posted against panic, but being intelligently proactive can pay off big time. You've got to make a weighted decision as to which applies.

Some "what if's" are worth being proactive about. Everything you do when you are pregnant, to have a healthy fetus, is a "what if," because nothing guarantees a birth defect, and nothing guarantees a healthy baby. It's always about improving the odds.

I disagree, its only a waste of time if you worry then don't act upon that, worrying and doing something about it might be better termed as thinking about the bad things that might happen and then putting in things to mitigate that; its at least half of my job.

I think you are confused League girl about the point of this post. It is not that because you child has autism that you should worry, its that you should watch for signs that your child may have autism because they need more assistance in some areas.
Also I wanted to stress to you that because we (meaning you and I) are also on the autism spectrum we may view our childrens behaviors as normal, because what is "normal" or "typical" to us is not to others because we have autism ourselves. Its why I always wondered why people were so mean to me, I never considered that I was behaving in a odd or strange manner, I just thought other kids and people were mean. Also I dont think my kids look odd or what they do is odd. To me autistic "behaviors" as they (NT's) call them are everyday and natural to me.....understand now?

Also I am never annoyed or upset by my kids as I probably stim more than they do . I accept my kids for who they are and the way they are. If someone thinks my kid looks weird too bad for them. If my kids are having sensory issues I try to help them with them but I dont punish them or try to stop them from say....chewing or hair twirling, spinning....my son running back and forth making sound effects (he is having a great time in his head). These are my kids and unless they are doing something to harm themselves I dont interfere.

Glad you learned from your Mothers mistakes with you but Im sure she did the best she could at the time. My Mom didnt know I had Aspergers, there was no such thing and yes she did make me feel bad about some of the things I did but probably like your Mom she didnt want people to make fun of me.

You are who you are and you accept yourself and that is the most important thing and one of the most important things to teach your kids. Id much rather be me that these people who are considered "normal".

I can understand why my mother did certain things so I'm not mad at her about it. No parent wants their child to get bullied so they are going to try and alter their behavior for it so they won't get teased. Also if the child wants friends, the parent is going to have to try and get their child to alter their behavior such as do not keep talking about their special interests all the time or else kids won't want them around. Sure things they do may not be a big deal to you but if it is going to effect them in the outside world like how people will treat them, it doesn't hurt to teach them to try and alter themselves out in public. When I started to try and modify my behaviors in school, it was very hard and a chore and at home I felt safe because I could be myself again. If no kid out there teased other kids for their strange behaviors or made any negative comments or made any false assumptions or judgments, then I wouldn't have altered myself. Now I wish I didn't care what others thought because it was lot of work and who cares if they thought I was a show off or spoiled or selfish or weird or insane or crazy. If I didn't care what they thought, I wouldn't have worked on myself. Once I stopped caring and stopped caring about fitting in, my life was easier but I am not going to complain if I get crap because I feel it be my fault and make me a hypocrite since it annoys me when people complain about crap they get when there is a solution to their problem and I know the solution to my problem, change. So I won't complain. Luckily everyone leaves me alone so I have nothing to worry about. I even make fun of myself now about things I do because as a kid, kids would give me a hard time about my quirks and make a big deal out of things like how I held the scissors. I hold them right now because mom made me hold them the right way and I got used to it after a while. Today I would have just laughed with my peers if they teased me about it and maybe tell them they should try holding them that way too sometime. I would probably do more goofy things just to draw their attention.

I figured out if I learn to call myself stupid and admit my mistakes and stupidity and make fun of myself and laugh at myself, things will be easier.



I also chewed on my hair too and my mother called it a habit then. I stopped when I was ten because I got obsessed about being clean and chewing my hair hair would make it dirty so I stopped. Mom used to tell me "hair out of your mouth." I think she did that because she was trying to break me out of that habit so I wouldn't get teased in school. She used to tell me I get a furball in my stomach. I came up with new things as I got older and would outgrow them. I don't know if I should call those mistakes since she was trying to protect me. If she was trying to get me to not do them around other kids, that be a different story but things were black and white for her. It was either you do it, or you don't and it couldn't be you can do it only when you are not around other kids from your school or from your neighborhood.

I did that too and my parents were forever telling me off and talking about the ball of hair that might be in my stomach (which was ridiculous as I wasn't swallowing any hairs). I'd forgotten all about it until I read your post. The thought of it now is quite unappealing, as I use styling mousse.

I wonder if it was a scare tactic my mother was using and some other grown ups? Parents and grown ups will use scare tactics to get their kids to not do things or to get them to stop and to get them listen to them. Like peeing in the pool or the water could change color because some places put some chemical in there for it and they could be doing that there too. I believed that one for years until I was 18.

I have a whole list of what I call "Mom stories" to keep me safe like "if you stand to close to the street cars and trucks will suck you under".
Its funny about the hair ball thing, I saw this Discovery Health show once where a girl actually did have a huge hair ball in her stomach but she was actually eating her hair and not just chewing on it.

One of the reasons I like my sons school is that he can be himself more even though he still worries, like he wont bring his chewy to school because he is afraid someone will make fun of him. He just started this year in a school with a specialized class for kids with ASD's and LD's and he is doing so much better. His teacher says she can see him relaxing and it is very obvious that he was teased and bullied in his other schools. Its one of the reasons I home schooled him for two years but he has dyslexia and dysgraphia so I was not very successful at teaching him to read. He is now reading which I am very excited about (he is 9 years old). He may be behind in reading but he is ahead in math and he is also fluent in French and English and does an awesome job of translation for me because I just can not learn French. I have been married to my husband for 10 years, I know a lot of words but I cant bring them to mind when I need them.
He spends half his time at school and the rest of the day at therapy except for Thursdays then he is at school all day and they have swimming that afternoon as well. Over the Christmas break he is going on a two day one night camp with his therapy center. His therapist talked him into it, he says as long as he can take his dolphin blanket and his stuffed animals he will go. We are excited, its hard to get him out of the house other than school and therapy and we did not think he would go for the overnight thing.

well i think if you have AS and your family does its pretty likely to pass it on cuz its genetic. i know cuz my dad has it.

I just got done saying how worrying is NOT in order. No, it's not about worrying at all. It's about statistics showing that EI is beneficial. It's about 1 in 4 people with autism never being able to speak. It's about a lot of things. If I got EI as a child, I might have a lot more abilities today. I might be able to cross the street, enter a store alone, or even hold down a job.

It's about giving our children the tools they need to lead happy, fulfilling lives. But no, it's never about worrying, which won't get you anywhere.