05 Oct 2006, 12:36 am
three2camp wrote:
EVERY SINGLE THING YOU DO IS TEACHING YOUR CHILD
Notice the all-caps? Yes, I'm shouting.
Aspergian_mutant, I can't possibly disagree with you more based on our own personal experiences.
Spank the kid? Sure - next time he gets mad he spanks us. He has learned spanking is an appropriate way to express anger and frustration. He learned it because we taught it to him when we spanked him.
*Not to mention the child learns that violence is right, and that they have to walk on eggshells, lest their parents turn into demons again.*
Gaming is evil? Really, let's force him onto a playground instead. Then the kids can hit him with basketballs until he screams and gets sent to the principal's office.
*Exactly, gaming is worse then letting your child be sent to the lions? Nobody will stop the NT children from being sadistic, they call it normal. What's evil is taking away one of the few things your child feels good about themselves at in life.*
Depending on your child, gaming is an escape. It's an opportunity for him/her to control something. It's a chance to play with an unfeeling, uncritical machine. In our case, too much can cause problems, but there is NO WAY I would refuse it entirely.
*I agree. However some parents act like if their child plays video games for more than an hour, it's the end of the world. If the child gets a headache, eyestrain, have them stop playing. Or something I might not be aware of, but don't make it like "This is the amount of time you can play and that's that" It's just teaching your child, that you're bigger so you can treat them like a prisoner in their own homes. I really think alot of this is due to parental IGNORANCE about gaming. Don't take out your infantile fears of new technology on your children. Try to understand, that your child is feeling they SUCCEED at something. That they feel SELF-WORTH. You want to take that away from them? You want to make them feel as if they're helpless against you? Prepare then to reap what you sew.* *<-- I told you I rant alot on the subject of gaming
*
Stand in the corner? Why? does this particular child understand the punishment/discipline? Or, are you just bigger, badder and more able to impose your will THIS TIME??
*It's true. I don't understand this, but some parents don't understand the sheer terror they're putting their Autism spectrum child in, when they're glowering over them. Maybe NT kids can put it off, or smoke pot, to disassociate from it. Autism spectrum children tend to have a hard time. What happens is they can disassociate so much that they just hide out from reality. Also, that whenever they think the parent is angry, they will act like a scared deer in headlights. Some parents, and I think this is a generational thing, think saying "It's not like I'm going to beat you" will stop their child looking like that. When they fail to realize they are beating their child, with emotional abuse.
My mom used to be much more of a angry person when she was younger, and before she took psychoanalytical meds. She feels very sorry about it now, and understands. Since she's the one who did most of the research on Asperger's. It's not that my dad didn't want to, but he's not exactly what one would call net savvy. However, I still have a subconcious reaction to when she gets mad..or appears to get angry. I'll get big eyes, I guess maybe my pupils shrink which is reaction to fear. Then I'll dissociate, and act like a scared little girl. It's not that I want to do this, but I still feel that when my mom gets angry, that I am helpless to an extent.
I'm telling you this, because this is what will occur if you discipline your Autism spectrum child, to an extreme. I don't mean, like a beating them extreme. To them extreme, is being put in a corner and feeling a helpless and trapped. Autism spectrum children have a higher sense of fight or flight reaction. This doesn't mean they can't learn what not to do. You need to discuss it with them on their level, not resort to primative forms of discipline. Then the child will feel they're being held under control of a unpredictable animal. When will the bear strike, will it be in a good mood today, I better make sure I don't startle it. That's the view your child will have of you.*
I'm not saying there is no way to discipline these children and I'm not saying they can't learn - you just have to be very careful about what you are teaching them. I mean no disrespect to our children whatsoever, but based on experience, it's almost like training a puppy. Keep it short, keep it quick, keep it meaningful. Otherwise you risk teaching them things that will come back to bite you. I watched a dog training video years ago and it's funny but true:
If your dog steals dinner off the counter, then promptly roll up the newspaper really really tight.
Take that newspaper and hit yourself on the head because you left it there and gave your dog the opportunity.
I know our lives with our children are far more involved than that, but if you come down like the Apocalypse on these kids, then they will believe it doesn't matter what they do - the world is coming to an end anyway.
*Also another good point. If a Autism spectrum child feels that no matter what they do, they'll be punished..they'll loose all will and stop trying. Complete submissiveness is not a goal.*
You and your child have my sympathy since you obviously missed the chance to make a difference earlier. This is not U.S. Marine Boot Camp at Quantico, these are our children. A little effort, a little appropriate discipline could have helped you both.
Your child is 16? Go get the book I recommended earlier, "The Explosive Child" by R. Greene. Learn about him - it's never too late to mend your relationship and help your child grow.
Notice the all-caps? Yes, I'm shouting.
Aspergian_mutant, I can't possibly disagree with you more based on our own personal experiences.
Spank the kid? Sure - next time he gets mad he spanks us. He has learned spanking is an appropriate way to express anger and frustration. He learned it because we taught it to him when we spanked him.
*Not to mention the child learns that violence is right, and that they have to walk on eggshells, lest their parents turn into demons again.*
Gaming is evil? Really, let's force him onto a playground instead. Then the kids can hit him with basketballs until he screams and gets sent to the principal's office.
*Exactly, gaming is worse then letting your child be sent to the lions? Nobody will stop the NT children from being sadistic, they call it normal. What's evil is taking away one of the few things your child feels good about themselves at in life.*
Depending on your child, gaming is an escape. It's an opportunity for him/her to control something. It's a chance to play with an unfeeling, uncritical machine. In our case, too much can cause problems, but there is NO WAY I would refuse it entirely.
*I agree. However some parents act like if their child plays video games for more than an hour, it's the end of the world. If the child gets a headache, eyestrain, have them stop playing. Or something I might not be aware of, but don't make it like "This is the amount of time you can play and that's that" It's just teaching your child, that you're bigger so you can treat them like a prisoner in their own homes. I really think alot of this is due to parental IGNORANCE about gaming. Don't take out your infantile fears of new technology on your children. Try to understand, that your child is feeling they SUCCEED at something. That they feel SELF-WORTH. You want to take that away from them? You want to make them feel as if they're helpless against you? Prepare then to reap what you sew.* *<-- I told you I rant alot on the subject of gaming
*Stand in the corner? Why? does this particular child understand the punishment/discipline? Or, are you just bigger, badder and more able to impose your will THIS TIME??
*It's true. I don't understand this, but some parents don't understand the sheer terror they're putting their Autism spectrum child in, when they're glowering over them. Maybe NT kids can put it off, or smoke pot, to disassociate from it. Autism spectrum children tend to have a hard time. What happens is they can disassociate so much that they just hide out from reality. Also, that whenever they think the parent is angry, they will act like a scared deer in headlights. Some parents, and I think this is a generational thing, think saying "It's not like I'm going to beat you" will stop their child looking like that. When they fail to realize they are beating their child, with emotional abuse.
My mom used to be much more of a angry person when she was younger, and before she took psychoanalytical meds. She feels very sorry about it now, and understands. Since she's the one who did most of the research on Asperger's. It's not that my dad didn't want to, but he's not exactly what one would call net savvy. However, I still have a subconcious reaction to when she gets mad..or appears to get angry. I'll get big eyes, I guess maybe my pupils shrink which is reaction to fear. Then I'll dissociate, and act like a scared little girl. It's not that I want to do this, but I still feel that when my mom gets angry, that I am helpless to an extent.
I'm telling you this, because this is what will occur if you discipline your Autism spectrum child, to an extreme. I don't mean, like a beating them extreme. To them extreme, is being put in a corner and feeling a helpless and trapped. Autism spectrum children have a higher sense of fight or flight reaction. This doesn't mean they can't learn what not to do. You need to discuss it with them on their level, not resort to primative forms of discipline. Then the child will feel they're being held under control of a unpredictable animal. When will the bear strike, will it be in a good mood today, I better make sure I don't startle it. That's the view your child will have of you.*
I'm not saying there is no way to discipline these children and I'm not saying they can't learn - you just have to be very careful about what you are teaching them. I mean no disrespect to our children whatsoever, but based on experience, it's almost like training a puppy. Keep it short, keep it quick, keep it meaningful. Otherwise you risk teaching them things that will come back to bite you. I watched a dog training video years ago and it's funny but true:
If your dog steals dinner off the counter, then promptly roll up the newspaper really really tight.
Take that newspaper and hit yourself on the head because you left it there and gave your dog the opportunity.
I know our lives with our children are far more involved than that, but if you come down like the Apocalypse on these kids, then they will believe it doesn't matter what they do - the world is coming to an end anyway.
*Also another good point. If a Autism spectrum child feels that no matter what they do, they'll be punished..they'll loose all will and stop trying. Complete submissiveness is not a goal.*
You and your child have my sympathy since you obviously missed the chance to make a difference earlier. This is not U.S. Marine Boot Camp at Quantico, these are our children. A little effort, a little appropriate discipline could have helped you both.
Your child is 16? Go get the book I recommended earlier, "The Explosive Child" by R. Greene. Learn about him - it's never too late to mend your relationship and help your child grow.
Everything in the astrik marks is what I said. yeah, I was too lazy to bother re-quoting and un-quoting what three2camp said on the way down. :p
05 Oct 2006, 3:20 pm
05 Oct 2006, 4:42 pm
07 Oct 2006, 6:30 am
