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Ethics of State Support

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hoegaandit
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24 Nov 2011, 2:28 pm

Yeah, as per my first post it is a somewhat tricky ethical issue.

I suppose my thoughts are currently to take the benefit (presuming he can indeed get it, as rather expected) but to quarantine our son from it ie he will not get the money to spend as he pleases. My thought was to get it for "future him", although both my wife and his sister seem to think it should be spent on therapy etc. (In fact my wife was vehemently against my idea of putting it into a trust for his benefit, but that is another story). I am open to that idea, although I am generally of a mind (a) that to some extent we have missed the boat for executive function training, although hopefully I can still make a significant difference there with the help of Smart but Scattered, and (b) that it will achieve the same purpose of therapy for us to work on his organisation skills, social skills etc - he just needs to get the basics of both of those, which I should think we can get through to him (albeit with difficulty).

It may be that his mother gets some of the benefit and uses it for therapy (if she does that; we are separated), and I would apply the equivalent funds to a trust as I have thought (while continuing working with him).

I don't believe he will be deleteriously affected in terms of employment etc in getting the benefit, provided we "quarantine" him from it. Here he will get it (if he is approved)while he continues at school (unbelievable as that seems to me). No future employer need even be aware of that, I think.

Just incidentally he has written one exam and said he did ok in that (although I have the horrible feeling he only answered two of three required questions, despite having a reader/writer assisting him in the exam). He is not going well with his revision for his next and final exam. Although this is only three days away, he only did one practice exam instead of the two I asked him to do yesterday, and instead was mucking around with his playstation etc. (It is very difficult supervising him, although I have had him in at work some, as I am a solo dad looking after him except some of the weekends, and working long hours in my own business).



Chronos
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27 Nov 2011, 7:36 am

hoegaandit wrote:
Our son (diagnosed initially ADHD-inattention and latterly ASD) is seventeen and currently failing his second last year of school (although he may get a few subjects). I think with better intervention from his parents we could have gotten him through. He did pass his previous year at school.

He has major executive function difficulties and has never had a holiday job and most likely currently would get fired from even a shelf stacking job at a supermarket as he does not follow instructions well (although his mother is making an application for a job like that this coming vacation).

His mother (who has left the family home but is caring for him most of the weekends) has found out that he might be entitled to perhaps $200 a week in disability allowance from the government. The requirement would be a doctor certificate that he cannot work more than 15 hours a week because of his disability. It is most likely that that would be forthcoming.

But I have ethical doubts. There is no doubt our son has huge difficulties, and he has not found ways to cope with those (and we have not been sufficiently aware of/capable of dealing with those). But it seems strange and wrong to me (brought up in an environment where you never sought state help) to make such a claim for a schoolboy, where I think with help and training he could work (and indeed he will be going back to school next year, regardless of his difficulties). It seems to me that this is turning my son into someone "disabled" instead of someone who can learn to work to overcome his difficulties.


If you feel that your son has potential that can be tapped, then by all means, help him achieve his full potential, however, you want to make sure that you do not go about this in a way that is detrimental to your goal. You want to work with your son, and not against him. In order to do this, you will need to understand his difficulties, strengths, weaknesses, and limitations very well. You will need to understand that he will likely fail a few times before he succeeds and you will need to be willing to back him up financially and emotionally until he can "stand on his own" so to speak. You need to be able to push him out of his comfort zone without completely stressing him out, and know when to back off and give him his space when he needs it.

If he has trouble following directions, he might need them written down. He will also need an employer who is patient.

People with AS don't have trouble working because they can't work. They have trouble working because other people aren't understanding of their differences.



hoegaandit
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27 Nov 2011, 4:20 pm

@chronos - this seems in general good advice. I am getting better at avoiding getting annoyed when he does not do the most obvious thing; the next step will be trying to get him enthused and believing he can achieve.

The problem with any job for our son is the same problem my schizophrenic wife faces; almost always she cannot advise her disability otherwise she simply won't get the job (regardless of legislation prohibiting discrimination against the mentally ill). Probably the answer for the moment will be getting him in to work in my office. He can start with simple jobs like hole punching then move on to filing and who knows, he might even do bill paying and accounts write up if he is shown exactly what to do.

fwiw my wife (we are separated) has climbed down off her high horse about the proposed trust and agreed to that, provided we also use any disability monies received (if we do) to address some of her concerns; of course I am happy with that. We completed the form this weekend and are now going through the rigmarole of making the application.



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03 Dec 2011, 6:54 am

hoegaandit wrote:
@chronos - this seems in general good advice. I am getting better at avoiding getting annoyed when he does not do the most obvious thing; the next step will be trying to get him enthused and believing he can achieve.

The problem with any job for our son is the same problem my schizophrenic wife faces; almost always she cannot advise her disability otherwise she simply won't get the job (regardless of legislation prohibiting discrimination against the mentally ill). Probably the answer for the moment will be getting him in to work in my office. He can start with simple jobs like hole punching then move on to filing and who knows, he might even do bill paying and accounts write up if he is shown exactly what to do.


If you son has AS, he may also have NVLD. If that's the case, the jobs you have listed as "simple"...clerical office jobs that require a lot of numerical mental book keeping and multi-tasking, will likely be difficult for him. People with NVLD tend to excel on language oriented tasks and abstract reasoning. To give you an example, I have a difficult time with simple arithmetic but I did very well in physics. You should have a learning assessment done on your son if he hasn't had one already. People on the spectrum think differently, so simple to you isn't always simple to them. Difficult to you isn't always difficult to them. The lack of understanding people have about this is actually one of the biggest obstacles people on the spectrum face in the work place.

Concerning disclosure, if it's done at all, it should be done after he is hired.



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03 Dec 2011, 10:55 am

Chronos wrote:
hoegaandit wrote:
@chronos - this seems in general good advice. I am getting better at avoiding getting annoyed when he does not do the most obvious thing; the next step will be trying to get him enthused and believing he can achieve.

The problem with any job for our son is the same problem my schizophrenic wife faces; almost always she cannot advise her disability otherwise she simply won't get the job (regardless of legislation prohibiting discrimination against the mentally ill). Probably the answer for the moment will be getting him in to work in my office. He can start with simple jobs like hole punching then move on to filing and who knows, he might even do bill paying and accounts write up if he is shown exactly what to do.


If you son has AS, he may also have NVLD. If that's the case, the jobs you have listed as "simple"...clerical office jobs that require a lot of numerical mental book keeping and multi-tasking, will likely be difficult for him. People with NVLD tend to excel on language oriented tasks and abstract reasoning. To give you an example, I have a difficult time with simple arithmetic but I did very well in physics. You should have a learning assessment done on your son if he hasn't had one already. People on the spectrum think differently, so simple to you isn't always simple to them. Difficult to you isn't always difficult to them. The lack of understanding people have about this is actually one of the biggest obstacles people on the spectrum face in the work place.

Concerning disclosure, if it's done at all, it should be done after he is hired.


That is a good point, I know I could not work in an office......especially when I was 17-18.


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