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Same question asked over and over..

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Nianya
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15 Dec 2011, 2:00 pm

Bombaloo wrote:
Nianya wrote:
The same thing happens in our house multiple times a day and dh and I often end up shouting NOT RIGHT NOW; I'm going out on a limb here and say that we parents of ASDs have enough issues to deal with in trying to stick to our rigid schedules so we don't end up with meltdowns from the children we can;t always jump every time they ask us to do something right now. Even my ASD 9yo eventually gets the point that he's going to have to wait so did his sister who is now almost 16. She now asks me when a good time will be for us to help her with whatever.

Save yourself and your son some frustration and choose different terminology. The consensus here is that "not right now" is not a very acceptable answer for a person on the spectrum. Be more specific about when you will do it or teach him, as you have obviously taught your 16 yo, to ask when you will be able to help. Shouting at him is not good for either one of you.


I agree totally, I'm just saying that as a parent there are times when we yell whether we want to or not. I'm autistic and have two autistic children. We clash and I usually end up feeling guilty about it, but I also work full-time and pursue writing and photography on the side. I often don't have the energy to take time out to deal with situations like this properly, even though I later wish I could.



Bombaloo
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15 Dec 2011, 2:23 pm

Nianya wrote:
Bombaloo wrote:
Nianya wrote:
The same thing happens in our house multiple times a day and dh and I often end up shouting NOT RIGHT NOW; I'm going out on a limb here and say that we parents of ASDs have enough issues to deal with in trying to stick to our rigid schedules so we don't end up with meltdowns from the children we can;t always jump every time they ask us to do something right now. Even my ASD 9yo eventually gets the point that he's going to have to wait so did his sister who is now almost 16. She now asks me when a good time will be for us to help her with whatever.

Save yourself and your son some frustration and choose different terminology. The consensus here is that "not right now" is not a very acceptable answer for a person on the spectrum. Be more specific about when you will do it or teach him, as you have obviously taught your 16 yo, to ask when you will be able to help. Shouting at him is not good for either one of you.


I agree totally, I'm just saying that as a parent there are times when we yell whether we want to or not. I'm autistic and have two autistic children. We clash and I usually end up feeling guilty about it, but I also work full-time and pursue writing and photography on the side. I often don't have the energy to take time out to deal with situations like this properly, even though I later wish I could.

I think if you make the choice to communicate more clearly you will end up spending less energy rather than more. It isn't necessarily something you can just change overnight but if you work on it, you can change your response. The point is not that you need to jump every time he asks you to come see something or to do something for him (especially if it is something he can do for himslef) but that you tell him in very concrete terms when you can give him your attention. Every kid is different so there are no guarantees but it sure has helped us a lot when I communicate in clear concrete terms that my son can understand and accept.



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15 Dec 2011, 2:52 pm

MelissaMommyof4 wrote:
I wondering of any other parents out there experiance this. My son who is 11 will ask me a question, I will then answer him.. He then asks me the same question again. Such as he asked if he could show me a game on the computer, I told him not right now, I am busy, He then asks me again, I respond with the same answer not right now this went on 4 or 5 times, I raised my voice and and said NOT RIGHT NOW I AM BUSY.. Then he gets mad at me and says I have anger issues He will do this with any question, and if I dont give him the answer he wanted to hear he gets mad at me.. Are any of you other parents experiancing this, and if so how do I handle it? Thanks for any advice..



Your son may not understand what you mean "not right now." You tell him that so he waits and then he asks you it again just to see if you can now see it. You are not telling him how long he should wait before asking you again. To him "not right now" may mean "not right now" and he will try again later like let's say fifteen minutes later. Instead you should be more precise and tell him you will see the game after you are done (what you are doing). Then that will keep him off your back.



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17 Dec 2011, 9:14 am

Patience is not easy for an Aspie. I would get a kitchen timer and set it and make sure he looks at it and if he continues to come in and ask you the question again just calmly point to the timer....dont speak, just point. This will keep you from being frustrated and will eventually help him with his patience issues. Its hard to wait....especially when you are excited about something, I understand both sides.