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walk-in-the-rain
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09 Oct 2006, 6:37 pm

ster wrote:
i think most police depts do not have the training nor understanding of what ASD's look like.they should really have much more extensive training...it was difficult also because son does not like to announce that he's aspie right away~looks like a "cop out" LOL....i had hoped son could get through the interview without having to say anything about his dx. son was not exactly happy when i did mention it, but i felt the cop was getting angrier by the minute at son's seeming lack of compliance. in the end, the cop wasn't asking specific , direct questions. he asked son "if you were him, where would you go ?"...now, i know the cop was really looking for my son to say where the kid went...but son started listing all of the places *he* would go~the cop starts writing down all of sons ideas. i finally stopped son & had to say " I know you don't always understand what someone is asking you. he ( the cop) is asking you if you know where the kid went or told the kid where to go." son looked at me in amazement and said: " oh...i don't know."


This is where though I think we need to foster a postive image of autism/aspergers for our kids. All kids feel insecure at this age, but this is something that, depending on the severity, may need to be known to avoid misunderstandings. So, your son should feel comfortable enough if he has to explain - like in situations like this or with teachers, ect. What if the police had approached your son without you being around and then not explained anything and the officer thinking he was being uncooperative or deceptive. So depending on how old he is you may want to use this to emphasize the importance of making sure that he can tell someone he has Aspergers if he needs any accomodations. Maybe a card perhaps to use with contact information and an explanantion of AS. I imagine some kids may feel embarressed by this but depending on their skills and level of independence this may be something important.



ljbouchard
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09 Oct 2006, 8:16 pm

We are trying something like a card to hard to people here in MN. The problem is that some agencies will throw the card and totally ignore it.

I like the idea of requesting a child's advocate however if the need should arise. I was thinking that if the officer got too hard nosed and started accusing my child, I would have cut off the interview and told the officer that they can interview my child with a lawyer present.


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ster
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09 Oct 2006, 9:16 pm

the whole thing took me by surprise, and unfortunately it sometimes takes me longer to process issues than i feel it should. had i even had an idea that the kid was missing, i would have expected a visit from the PD, as the kid was at our house on the previous day......the kid, btw, was found later sunday nite. he'd run away because he reports getting beaten by his dad.
i've thought about creating a card for my son, but am not sure that he'd even have the presence of mind to use it.....all during the cop interview, son felt like he totally understood what the cop was asking. it wasn't until i pointed out that son wasn't understanding, that son had any idea that he wasn't answering the questions being asked.



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09 Oct 2006, 11:31 pm

One-Winged-Angel wrote:
greyhelium wrote:
This post hit a chord in me, because i have often been accused of 'lying' about a particular incident, people always assume that im changing my story from one lie to the other. I think its an AS related thing, I dont know WHY but when i tell an account about something it always seems to... i dont know... come out differently, but i know that im talking about the same events and not changing evrything... but people always assume im lying :(


Me too.


Same here.



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10 Oct 2006, 4:15 am

Quote:
in the end, the cop wasn't asking specific , direct questions. he asked son "if you were him, where would you go ?"...now, i know the cop was really looking for my son to say where the kid went...but son started listing all of the places *he* would go~



That is exactly what I would have done if the same question was put to me.


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Remnant
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10 Oct 2006, 6:00 am

I've been around the type before. If they aren't doing it on purpose, they are a moron. The answer to "if you were him, where would you go" is valid as a list of places. No person who has a normal person's ability to hold a conversation should have a problem understanding that. The cop was practicing deliberate and willful obtuseness.



ryansjoy
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10 Oct 2006, 6:41 am

i don't think I blame the kid for running if he was being beaten by his dad.. since the cops felt the need to lay it on a child they could, I ask why did authoity not step in for this kid weay before now? why not lay it on the parents of the child who runs away.. i know they need to check all leads.. but If i am not mistaken your child does not have to be interviewed without his parent present. its a parental right.. but I can say that I learned something from this post.. if a cops comin a knockin then they better bring an advocate with them.. cause no one is talking to my son without one.. i can just about get a straight answer from my son if he brushed his teeth!



aspiesmom1
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10 Oct 2006, 1:50 pm

I know exactly what you went through Ster.

In August I was attacked by my neighbor (he's a well built 6'3 guy and I'm a 5'6 lady who walks with a cane when not riding my power chair). I raised my cane in self defense, and to make a long story short the cops came out. I never touched the man, with my hands or the cane, as he grabbed it easily and threatened ME with it.

Needless to say, *I* was arrested. (The DA dropped the charges, but it was a horrible experience). My son was my only real witness.

He told the truth, he answered the cop's questions, but the cop was cagey and smart alecky even with me. I told him before he talked to my son that he has AS, tried to explain, and told him you have to ask straightforward questions. Yeah that worked out well. Then my son felt guilty later, being a smart kid, he started to figure he was responsible. It was pretty awful. When I got to see the report, and explained to the detective, well they're in the process with IAB of getting the cop off the streets (for this and other things he did related to my arrest).

So I don't think a card will help. They'll ignore it, or turn around and use it to their advantage.


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walk-in-the-rain
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10 Oct 2006, 3:25 pm

aspiesmom1 wrote:
So I don't think a card will help. They'll ignore it, or turn around and use it to their advantage.


However, this is like when schools ignore BIPs or IEPs - if they have been notified than it is something that you can go back and say that they mishandled the situation. If you do not mention the disorder then they are free and clear to say that they had no idea. Sometimes they even ask about mental illness or any conditions that may effect the ability to answer - than it could even be claimed that the person was lying. So it may not effect anything in the immediate - just like what happens to kids in schools - but upon review may have an effect. And also you just might come across an officer who has had training. And again I think this may depend differently for each person on the spectrum because some have much more significant language difficulties than others.



aspiesmom1
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10 Oct 2006, 3:30 pm

I wasn't mirandized (despite being in handcuffs and clearly in "custody") - found out later virtually no one is anymore. Not until very late in the game - it just isn't deemed important anymore - only on TV.

So I think it falls in the same lines. They just don't care.

I personally wouldn't ever talk to another cop again if my very life depended on it. I'd rather be dead then spend another minute in jail, especially when I was completely innocent. I don't know how people do it for 20+ years.

Our children are vulnerable to the wiles of many, not just the police. Most have no imperative to look at a card. Time would be better spent trying to teach the child how to avoid the situations then how to best handle them.

Just my .02


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ljbouchard
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10 Oct 2006, 3:40 pm

You cannot always avoid situations like that though. Besides, would you rather your child turn their back on a crime rather than report it because of how they might be treated as a witness. If that is the case, then maybe we should be working on police training.


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walk-in-the-rain
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10 Oct 2006, 3:41 pm

aspiesmom1 wrote:
Time would be better spent trying to teach the child how to avoid the situations then how to best handle them.

Just my .02


I agree however some kids are more obvious than others and may not simply avoid being noticed or understand how to do that. This falls more on the autism side I guess, although kids with AS can have meltdowns and things like that. I am not under any illusions however that a card is somehow going to make a huge difference - but it could be another factor or potential safeguard.



ster
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10 Oct 2006, 6:55 pm

in many cases, my son has learned the hard way about situations to try and stay out of....sometimes, though, you find yourself in a bad situation.
i'd really like to see some sort of mandated training for emergency personnel in regards to people on the spectrum & people with mental illness too....so many first responders don't have a clue. it's very scary. one person i talked to said that i should contact the first responders in my town and sort of "announce" who we are & what the family dx's are, so that in case of an emergency they'll be better prepared~ i think it's ludicrous. i do think, though, that we should be prepared with some sort of card that we could hand a first responder or some sort of speech that we could give to let them know about our deficits......mine could be: hates math, don't start counting. LOL.........or: cleanliness is next to impossible...



ljbouchard
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10 Oct 2006, 7:06 pm

"Cleanliness is next to impossible"

I like that one. I have offered training to the police and fire departments here in Rochester. The chief of police is interested and the email is now sitting on the Training Luteinents computer (where it has been for the past 2 weeks). The fire chief's response was that we have already planned our training and besides, since the ambulance and police answer calls too, one of them should be trained (talk about passing the buck, never mind what his people in the field want. The field people were interested).

Your other alternative is to put a sticker in your window and tell everyone that your child is autistic. I can hear it now. How can you let those people live in your neighborhood. There will be more of them. They will drive down property values.

Humor is the best medicine sometimes (Please note, the 2nd sentence of the 2nd paragraph was meant to be funny)


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ster
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11 Oct 2006, 5:47 am

ljbouchard~LOL!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
you should see how some of my neighbors have reacted to people of different ethnicities moving into the neighborhood....never mind announcing that, umm, there might be, umm, ( mental illness).........LOL



ljbouchard
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11 Oct 2006, 7:35 am

I am not surprised. If you want to gauge the neighbors response without saying anything, you could always tell them that you are thinking of selling your house to a family with an autistic child.

Ghosthunter ran into the same attitude by the cities last year. He has applied for a the job of being an aide to autistic children in the Twin Cities and the school principal was aghast at the idea that a person with special needs could be in a position to assist persons with special needs.

I wonder what this principal would have thought at me being a special needs school bus driver (and actually succeeding at it) :roll:


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