Not sure if daughter has it or not (warning long post)

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DW_a_mom - I haven't spoken to her teacher about it yet as only recently have I considered that she and I have it...well no that's not completely true I did wonder a few years ago but an ex friend said there is no way I could have it as her 4 year old nephew was autistic and I was nothing like him. So it's taken me years to pluck up the courage to go to the doctors and the more I read about other's on here the more I feel I relate and I'm 99% sure I have Asperger's which led to me looking more at my daughter's behaviour.

My husband and I have been concerned about her maths ability for a while now, she just can't understand it, she is well above avergae for reading / writing but maths she is below and that was my main focus when we saw her teacher at our last parent - teacher meeting. I did want to raise other issues but due to a lovely screw up with time keeping by the teacher we saw her 30 minutes later then we should have, daughter had finished school so had to come in to the meeting with us. I couldn't bluntly ask about certian things with her in the room, so maths took up the majority of the time. The teacher also commented that her and the assistants always know which is my daughter's work as it will be decorated with either a flower or a butterfly and that she will continue writing in a tangent (like me lol). Example being that they had to write word for word what the teacher dictated to them (think it was little red riding hood) but our daughter would add other words, making it more descriptive and in depth and 'make it her own' as the teacher put it, apparently she does this alot so they have to remind her to listen to instructions and follow them exactly.

I don't think any of the kids have trouble with transitions, even the kids officially diagnosed with autism, as the school is great at getting the kids used to a new classroom and teacher months before they move up to their next class. So when my daughter was in year 1 last year the few months before they broke up for the summer holidays she would often have classes with her new teacher / in the new classroom so that it's not such a shock to the system. We did have a few problems with her old teacher who was very very strict and my daughter often came home upset because she didn't understand about something. She was once terrified of leaving anything at all anywhere because the teacher had told them that day about the lost property 'bin' and if any clothing was left laying around and not in the designated jumper/cardigan box then it would go in the lost property bin. My daughter thought that if she accidentally left something laying around it would be thrown out, none of the other kids seemed bothered by it but she was distraught so my husband went in and asked the teacher to explain to our daughter that it wasn't a bin in the traditional sense, that it was just somewhere to put all the lost clothing, that nothing would be thrown out.

There was also the first time she was placed on orange (they have a traffic light system, green = good, orange = warning, red = very bad behaviour / has to go to the headteacher). She'd been arguing with one of the boys and she told him to bog off (learnt from the tv programme tracy beaker), he then told the teacher that she'd said F**k off, the teacher put her on orange. At the end of the day she came home and cried for hours over the fact the boy had lied about what she'd said (she kept repeating over and over that she said bog off not a swear word) and she was also hysterical because she thought she was on orange for her entire school life. So that was another trip to school in which the teacher had to fully explain that it was just for that day, that today was a new day and a clean slate (and then had to explain the meaning of a clean slate). I casually mentioned to the teacher that she should in future explain fully what the punishment is, why and how long it lasts for to prevent any further misunderstandings.

arithmancer - I'm not constantly thinking is that NT or AS? Only when something unusual happens will I wonder whether NT kids have the same problem / do the same thing or if it's something more common to a child with AS. For example I know all kids enjoy certain films or have their favourites but how often would they want to watch them? My daughter watched harry potter for the first time a couple of weeks ago, seemed to enjoy it end of. Then we watched the second harry potter film last friday and that is all she wants to watch now, she must have seen it at least 25 times since friday. It's on all day, as soon as it's over she wants it on at the start again even when we are playing a board game or with her toys she MUST have it on in the background and gets a little upset if she can't. She was devastated when we told her she couldn't watch it on her own dvd player as it's a blu ray disc and will only work on a blu ray player. Anyway after the 20th or so viewing of it I wondered if other kids do that or if it's just her, when she does watch it she will be just as engrossed as she was the first time. I don't know what it is about that film but she loves it, she hasn't asked to watch the first one again and she has no real interest in seeing any of the others and we had the exact same thing prior to HP2 with the buddies series of films, specifically 'space buddies'.

I'm definately going to go for a diagnosis for her asap, but right now we have her physical health to worry about, hopefully if all goes well at her hospital appointment tomorrow then we can focus on a diagnosis.

Draelynn - Oh yes the fairness factor...bit of a struggle at times, she likes fairness..as long as it revolves around her. Things have to be fair on her or she gets upset, I try to reason with her at times and other times I let it slide. Playing board games I really don't care about winning or losing so depending on her mood I'll just let her win, wheras if I think she's in the right mood for it I'll win so she doesn't win all the time. The other day she was getting quite irate because daddy wouldn't play with her and it wasn't fair on her. At the time my husband was laying on the sofa having a nap because he was feeling really unwell, I asked her how she felt it wasn't fair on her that daddy was sleeping instead of playing and she said and I quote "daddy always plays with me so it's not fair on me that he's not playing with me now". I told her it wasn't fair to him to expect him to play all the time even when he was very ill...talk about going in one ear out the other, when I thought she finally got it we carried on playing. About 10 minutes later I nip to the bathroom I come back and she is sitting on his chest telling him to wake up and come play now that he's had lots of sleep so he must be okay to play now. My husband being the softie he is got up almost fainted and came and played with us. I told her off for waking him up, he contradicted me by saying "oh it's fine I was ready to get up anyway"....so next time she'll do it straightaway, it's amazing all the little things she takes on board for future or immediate reference. Like last night she asked if she could do some drawing in bed to help her go to sleep, I said no as she was starting school again today and needed lots of sleep, she asked if she could play with her teddies for a bit, so I said okay, 15 minutes, husband said straight after without thinking "yes you can play as long as you try to go to sleep"...15 minutes later when I check on her she has several toys out on the floor looks at me innocently and says "What?....daddy said I could play as long as I tried to go to sleep". So I rant on and on about how could she try and go to sleep on the floor whilst playing with her dolls (as I was chucking them back in the toy box and tucking her in bed) and she kept repeating in a defnsive tone "but daddy said...". That is a typical thing she does of taking things too literally or twisting them to a degree so she can do or get what she wants.

Yesterday morning we did our fortnightly food shop, we were late getting out to do it because we all slept in, it was 1ish by the time we were driving home

Her: Mummy can I have some of those biscuits we bought, I'm really really hungry"
Me: No you can wait for lunch
Her: But I'm hungry now and lunch will take ages
Husband: I suppose she could, we have to unpack that's going to take 30 minutes, it'll take 30 minutes to get lunch so..
Me to husband: No!
Me to daughter: You can have a sandwhich for lunch and a big meal for tea (we usually do it the other way around) okay?!
Her: But I'm starving mummy! and daddy said...
Me: No, it will take me 2 minutes to make you a sandwhich when we get in
Her: But...
Me: But nothing, sandwhich then you can have biscuits
Her: Can I have them now please, daddy said I could...
Me (giving hubbie the see what you've done now glare): I know what daddy said but he forgot we bought sandwhich making stuff, I'll make you ham and cheese, you love ham and cheese
Her: Ooooh can I have 2 lots of cheese like at nanny's house?
Me: Sure and then afterwards you can eat whatever you want, as long as you eat all the sandwhich okay?
Her: Okay (big smile) can I have chocolate milk with it too mummy, pleeeease? (I nod)
Husband (whispering): She probably could have had a few biscuits and had enough room for lunch
Me (whispering back): Oh come off it 1 or 2 biscuits would have turned into 10 and then she wouldn't eat anything else
Husband (still whispering): Yeah your right, I didn't think of that, I just felt bad because she was hungry

She knows that daddy is easy and will give in to her little whims, mummy is the no person so she often uses the excuse of daddy said I could or daddy lets me when she knows she shouldn't be doing something (or to try to argue), then we also have the back up cry of "it's not fair" if all else fails lol

Thank you all again for your advice and views, it's very much appreciated.