The teachers' oldest cop-out in the book...

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It's human nature. We don't look different-- our society has been taught to be tolerant of people looking different-- but we are different.

Difference causes discomfort.

Therefore difference equals deficit.

Bottom line.

No amount of education about ASDs will change that. Now we have ABA, also known as PTAH-- professionals who get paid ridiculous sums of money to tell us, "You are broken, this is how you are broken, you're so lucky I'm here to fix you. And if that doesn't work, we have these pills we will stuff down your throat to help you, whether you think you need it or not, even if it kills you..." In fact, all the public education in the world has only served to make my life harder. Now, instead of thinking I choose to be weird and deserve to be ridiculed, people think I'm a sociopath incapable of caring for another human being.

I went through the "It's your own fault they treat you this way" thing too. Born in 1978. I still go through it as a 34-year-old woman, because I tell the truth about things as if it were value-neutral (as it is to me) without practicing spin control (and expect other people to take it as value-neutral, because they're obviously intelligent enough to do so).

Between being blamed for being kicked and having people assume I'm a serial killer that just hasn't "snapped" yet, I know what I'd rather live with.

I ain't seen no sign saying, "Welcome to the Ideal Plane." Life sucks, people suck, live with it and try not to let it get you down. Life can always get worse-- and, from my point of view, it has.

Because the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

Sorry. That got a little bit off-track.

ASD ought to be irrelevant to the question.

We are either going to start teaching our children that it's not OK to kick people who are not like you-- and that that applies across the board, with or without a label-- or we're not.

It's that simple.

We either take responsibility for doing something about the darker side of human nature-- with all the work and sticky moral situations that entails-- or we don't. But we really need to make up our minds and stop paying lip service, because it's obvious that the game we're playing right now drives everyone-- not just the Aspies-- stark-raving nuts.

When we were getting ready to become parents for the first time, I read everything I could get my hands on about parenting techniques. One thing I read and really listened to was:

Tell your kids what to do, not what not to do.

Example -

Please walk instead of don't run

The writer went on to describe the process when you tell someone not to do something, first off it reinforces that think you don't want... RUN, second it requires the person to think another though about what to replace the first thought with. it is so much easier for a child if you just give them the first though - walk.

I didn't know anything about autism at the time I was doing this reading - this was parenting in general. I think it's good and really practiced at it as a cornerstone of our discipline (meaning to teach).

When you tell me to not do something I am left with other possiblities that I can do.

http://www.freevideosforautistickids.com/Bullying.html

Here are some free clips on bullying from my website. You have a collection of anti-bullying cartoons on top and a collection of educational videos and public service announcements on the bottom.

These clips are from YouTube; I did not make them.

Anyway, each embedded video viewer on my website plays an entire playlist of related videos, so the above two embedded viewers play about 20 clips about bullying.

I have a lot of good videos on my website for parents tutoring their own kids or teachers needing video to enhance a presentation. I also have tons of links to further resources. (See the left side bar on the website).

Of note, I'm currently in the process of overhauling my website, and some sections are a lot more complete and organized than others.

That's because teachers and principles care more about their paychecks than the well being of students. Until we have a system were we can replace under performing teachers, stuff like this will always happen.

Actually, this is a common misperception: even teachers with tenure can be fired if they do not perform to standards. What's more of an issue here is making sure teachers are held accountable for what happens in their classrooms and hallways - that is a performance standard, as most states have laws regarding bullying and almost all schools have a behavior policy that teachers are responsible to enforce.

The bigger problem: nothing changes if everyone just gives up, assumes the worst, and accepts the status quo.

OK, sure, you have school staff trumpeting that line that the ASD bully victim made themselves a bully magnet, i.e. brought it upon themselves, but you have to wonder if that's due to any one of their symptoms in isolation, or the lot of them. They might run funny in gym or be clumsy climbing the rope, or misinterpret teachers instructions, or not pick up on nonverbal cues of peers connoting sarcasm, or ask the teacher "obvious" questions that other students instinctively get, etc, etc...any given one of these could get them targeted by a bully, and they can't possibly expect to get each and every one of their manifestations under control just like that.

If they just ran funny, or only asked "obvious" questions, but the rest of their faculties were virtually identical to those of NT peers, bullying might be less likely. So school staff need to advise ASD students what deficits they need to tackle first, but there also has to be understanding on the other side- show the tormentors a video or something on special needs students and their unique challenges. Likewise, I first worked on my give-and-take of conversation deficit and non-verbal cognition before I dealt with other deficits like motor skills, seeing the big picture over the fine details, etc. I found that this resulted in less ridicule in my later years, and also adults were more educated and enlightened. Could be a strategy that could be adapted to 10-14 year-olds.

This is true.

Also, bullying can stem from the bully's own issues. The bully may have conduct disorder, be emotionally disturbed, have a really rotten home life, etc.

Sometimes, bullying is a way to level others or put them in their place. Sometimes jealous or competitive girls, for example, may verbally bully other girls whom they see as threats or who have something they want--better looks, better grades, the interest of a popular boy, more stuff, the teacher's attention, a special position at school, etc.

Women get bullied all the time by husbands and boyfriends who want to be in charge or have their own way. Maybe the guys cannot win a logical argument, so they use physical intimidation or verbal attacks. (This happens with men, too, I've observed, but less often.)

A lot of the time, it is the bully's own issues that are largely to blame. They are simply attacking what they see as a weak target.

Not that I am excusing the teachers, but I think this is what they mean when they say kids are bringing it on themselves. While it is important to address the bully, Kids on the spectrum do have, as Jayo outlined, a lot of behavioral responses that highlight them as an easy target. It's a part of learning to communicate to learn to mitigate those behaviors as they are able. In a best-case scenario, these teachers simply don't know that kids on the spectrum need specific intervention and sufficient time to internalize the social rules they're able to take in, and that's where a parent or advocate can make a difference.

Unfortunately, yes, there are also teachers who really believe in "natural consequence" for victims for some reason or other (I think it can be said that laziness is one) and who won't step in to help a kid. In those situations, we are fortunate that the law is on our side.

The problem might also have to do with the demographics of the teachers. Experienced teachers in an upper age bracket might be more cynical, and believe that such kids on the spectrum could really overcome these issues if they really wanted to, they deserve to be bullied, etc, etc. - my impression is that the more junior teachers would be more enlightened and not see it in such a harsh light. I mean, surely by now, anyone who became a teacher in the last few years - or anyone who's about to become one - must be aware that it's virtually guaranteed they'll have to deal with kids on the spectrum, and so they can't reasonably feel that a stick-their-head-in-the-sand attitude is justified. I would surmise that within the last 7 years, Aspergers/autism has become part of the standard teachers college curriculum. So with that being ingrained from the get-go, teachers should hardly feel entitled to think "I don't want to deal with this, I don't get paid enough for this" - they were fully aware when they signed up for it, unlike the older teachers.

But then again, I suppose the seniority at each school dictates the approach and attitude towards bullying, so there's only so much the junior teachers can do. Not an easy problem to resolve, for sure.

I think you're right, at least to a degree, Jayo: DS's current teacher is wonderfully understanding, and she's one of the youngest on the staff. The one we're having most trouble with (sadly, also the one who has the SPED kids in the inclusion classroom) is one of the most senior teachers.

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but I think gradually, as people start to see that it's easier to deal with kids on their own terms (so to speak,) and you get more done...things will change.

My son bullied at school, no discussion! The s**t he had to deal with unbelievable! its not about this century or next it about today. Yes we have to work through it like anyone else. Yes its pain full regardless if you are on the spectrum or not. Bottom line is "how is it dealt with", My motto always understanding if this fails u

Jayo, I think you are right but there have always been AS kids in school, although the diagnosis is relatively new. You would think these older teachers would have figured out that these kids cannot change on their own. I guess only the exceptional teacher has. So sad.