Teaching Delayed Gratification and Waiting

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My son won't eat marshmallows. He won't even try one. He does not like the color or texture. He has a ton of impulse problems, but they surely would not show up in a Marshmallow Test.

Seriously, though, I read about this test in a book about emotional IQ (EQ) and it gave a poor prognosis for kids who could not resist the marshmallow at 4, I really hope it isn't that bad.

I was thinking to myself if you have a kid that misses neurological milestones, and is therefore delayed, does this test even have predictive value? If a four year old is neurologically, say 2, would the test have to be done when they met the 4 yr milestones?

Oops. I just noticed that this is basically what Eureka-C, said. Sorry, Eureka-C.

I would think with a kid who doesn't like marshmallows you could substitute a treat that they do love and you would get the intended results. I think they used marshmallows because they were simple and cheap.

Yes, but you said it so much sweeter. I often get caught up in flowery words that hide the intent of my posts.

I think a lot of people read a lot of stuff into this test (I realized that I'd seen it first on TED, where a motivational speaker had used it to make all KINDS of assumptions that he had no business making.)

I am guessing that the test is a good predictor of general underlying neurological issues. This particular test was conducted in 1972, before the diagnoses of Aspergers and HFA existed, and ADHD was barely known, therefore few, if not none of the kids who had these disorders (all of whom might have impulse control issues) would have been offered treatment; so it's not surprising that they didn't wind up doing well as adults (I am in the age range of the kids who were studied; let me tell you, I'm not doing as well as I could be.) The fact that a minority of kids had the ability to resist the impulse suggests, again, to me that we aren't meeting the needs of a LOT of children.

Also interesting: according to Wikipedia, the kids were offered a choice of treat: Oreo cookie, marshmallow, or pretzel stick. Another test was conducted with chocolate bars.

I think you are right on track there with the underlying neurological issues. I am excited to see what the next generation of people with AS/PDD/ADHD brings the world as they are given the proper support and nurturing when young. Just like we (humanity) found out about children with MR and classic Autism, with the right support they not only succeed, but often go beyond all expectations.

Ok, so I got myself into a hyper-focusing tizzy about this BUT I found an article that explains the Stanford Marshamallow test in way that makes me feel A LOT better.

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009 ... ntPage=all

I am posting this hoping it will make any of you concerned about this feel better, too. The book I read made it sound much more depressing than this.

Even the guy who came up with this test seems to be a strong believer in being able to teach self control/patience. He views willpower more like an ability to distract oneself from the desire for the object in question, rather than a willingness to endure waiting or worse some intractable "character flaw."

If you think about it the ability to distract oneself would cover a lot of things for our kids: OCD type things, rumination, hyperbole, meltdowns etc.

My aspie is 9yo, and he has always been able to delay gratification of a "want." In fact, he sometimes exhibits, imo, way too much control over those things. He is the type of kid who will hoard things and wait. He can collect a zillion dollars in a token economy and hold off for what he really wants. My NT daughter can't wait more than a second. She is far more impulsive than my son. Heck, as a NT adult, I don't have the kind of control with delaying gratification my son has!

On the other hand, if it's a "need," he can't wait. If he is thirsty and there is no water nearby, but it is explained that we will get water in 15 minutes when we are able to leave our setting, he obsesses on his thirst and his lack of water. He will whine incessantly about his thirst and how he needs water. My daughter, on the other hand, will accept that it's another 15 minutes and she'll wait, with far fewer whines.

After this whole discussion, I came upon this article that seems to offer some genuine help: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ellen-gal ... 91129.html

I really like how the author suggests children learn self-control by learning their own internal cues. I think that's gold, right there.

Thanks for that link momsparky. I never thought of Red Light Green Light or Simon Says as ways of helping promote self control but it does make sense!