Trying to get siblings into trouble...

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Honestly, I think you've got a case of sibling rivalry, especially if she doesn't do it anywhre else (in school). I agree with Hale_Bop (what else is new), and I wish I knew what to tell you about discipline, because I'm very bad at it, I think she wants to be seen as the "good" child," the "perfect" child, and she is just going about it backwards. Try to "catch" her doing something good, which has nothing to do with the other kids....and praise her!

As parents, we tend to take "good" behavior for granted, and never praise it. That is, apparently, a mistake. I say apparently, because I was very guilty of that when my kid was growing up. I would take for granted some of the absolutely brilliant things he did, and focus on the bad behavior. I don't think it's hurt him for life, but I probably could have made it easier for him. Not that you should feel guilty about anything, because you have other kids to protect, and you can't tolerate abusive behavior one towards another, but (and I might not be telling you anything new), make sure that when you do have to scold for behavior, that she understands that it is the behavior that is not acceptable and not that you're telling her that she's unacceptable!

I would never punish her for being a "bad girl," because she's not a bad girl. I would however, punish her for hitting her brother. "Jane, you may not hit your brother. That behavior is not acceptable! We love you very much, but we're sending you to your room to think about why it's not acceptable to hit your little brother!" or something like that....certainly not with language that complicated.

Finally, never believe a child (especially in a family with more than one) until you check it out yourself. Sometimes that's not possible, but unless a kid is telling you about a threat to his or her safety, the chances are that before the age of 10 a child is going to put the best face on anything....and stick to it, true or not. Don't let it worry you. I apply this ONLY inside the family. Something outside should be taken VERY seriously, and the kid should be believed! The world is a dangerous place.

Hope that helps
Beentheredonethat

I would suggest that your daughter feels that she has been replaced by your younger children. She may feel that by making them look bad then you will realize that she is the "best" and that your love and attention should be directed at her at least most of the time if not exclusively. In a situation where she needs your attention and one of your younger children need your attention if you choose the younger child she is going to feel that she lost.
Your daughter may also need more time to decompress when returning from school or other outings. She likely does not want to be botherered by her younger siblings nor should she be, they need to respect her need for space too.

I can only speak from my own experiances but I can tell you what I wish my parrents would have done.

Love your daughter, tell her that you love her and show her that you love her, by spending time with her and talking to her. IF you have to choose between your children in a situation explain to her later why you made the choice in favor of the other child and offer an apology (ex, Honey, I'm sorry I couldn't listen to you talk about the rest of your nightmare, Johnny got sick and I had to get him cleaned up). But most of all love your child and let her know that she is perfect the way she is and is more than "good enough".

Feel free to PM me if you'd like further explainations.

No offence but part I would say is to do with parenting but it becomes the parents underlying fault if they do nothing about it or blame the child - specialists are trained in handling thing's like this that come to your house and stay round to watch what happens or surveillance you.

Allot of people’s life’s have change from people that help you to find the problem that is happening and to give advice and the skill’s to help you deal with this type of behaviour, really it's up to you to seak this help and not wait on the people to do it for you coz - they never move fast allways drag you on.

This is probably the most effective way of helping parents in this situation as it can end up going badly wrong when stress takes over…


"" Never Ask allways demand as asking will get you nowhere ""

Being the oldest child in a large family, I often felt the younger kids got preferential treatment. It was probably not really true most of the time but I wasn't terribly emotionally mature for my age.

It's common for the older child to feel the younger ones get most of the attention and don't get punished as much as them for doing the wrong thing. They should be able to have a quiet place to go where they won't be pestered by younger siblings. This is especially the case if they are at school and have homework to do.