How do I get my 3 yo old to focus?

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Sweetleaf - I mentioned slow before, but that's not the issue. The issue is, he want's to do something and he is unable to focus and do it. It's as simple as that. I need to help him do something he wants to do. If I give hime all the time in the world, he wont do it, he will just whine about it not being done. He knows what he wants to do, but I have to point his face in the direction of his foot so that he will look at it and be able to put his socks and shoes on.

MrXxx - thanks for sharing your opinion. I know you speak from experience, however, there is a saying that "if you meet one autistic person, you have met ONE autistic person". My son is sweet, lovable and very smart. According to the neurologist, he has "autistic traits" but not enough to be considered autistic. Still, he is 3, who knows where we will be in 10 years. That being said, my son loves a challenge. He loves to get compliments after he accomplishes some small feet and will remind you that you need to say "Great job" or something along that line.

I do challenge him because everytime I do, he has met my challenge. I do not consider him disabled, I believe that he learns differently and we just have to come up with out of the box ideas on how to teach him, which was the purpose of my original post. We are a very close family, if I see that my actions are not helpful to my son, I will try something else, but I will not sit back and not challenge him because I think he is not capable of doing something.

Also, I think labeling a 3 yo with ADHD or ADD because he is not able to dress and undress is a little premature.

MomofThree, respectfully, it does seem a little odd to come to a forum about autism to ask a question about your 3 year old, and when autistic people (more than one, by the way) offer you advice, you dismiss their opinions because your son is 'not really autistic'.

I feel compelled to highlight this because I see so much of it (dismissing or finding reasons not to believe what autistic people say), it really disturbs me. Of all the advice you received from autistic individuals (and mighty good advice it was), you chose to largely ignore their perspectives and went instead with an NT parent's suggestions. Just something to think about. But then again, if your son is 'not really autistic' then perhaps their perspectives are not relevant after all.... but that takes me back to the question of why you would pose the question to them in the first place.

In any case, I appreciate what the autistic folks have shared on this thread, it definitely mirrors the experience I've had with my son. Thank you.

My DS6 had very similar issues with dressing as a preschooler. No motor issues with the mechanics of putting on clothes, big problems with staying focused on the activity of getting dressed.

You note your son was able to dress himself a few months ago. I think several things could contribute. First, when dressing was a new activity, he was probably very focused on the motor challenge of learning to dress. Now that he has mastered the motor skills, it is no longer interesting enough to hold his attention. Second is sensory issues. For my son, sensory issues regarding food and clothes have seemed to increase as he gets older. Until age 4 he didn't seem to notice tags, now he can't stand them. He's recently begun complaining about jeans where he never showed any discomfort or unwillingness to wear them before. Third, your description really sounds like a possible symptom of ADD -- he is motivated to go outside, and is not using the clothing as a way to get your attention -- it may be that his working memory or attention centers of his brain are not mature enough to keep the thought of getting socks and shoes on continually active. If he does have AS or ADHD traits, expect a 30% delay in maturity in these skills. I would expect an NT 4 year old or an AS/ADHD 6 year old to dress themselves solo.

I wrote a post about how I taught DS to dress himself, and I will dig up a link. Basically it involved putting external structure in place in the form of counting out loud, verbal prompts for each step, timers, and a distraction-free location. It worked for awhile, until my DH decided it was easier to stand there and hand him each item of clothing instead of following the routine I had developed.

How we taught DS to dress himself