Ignoring symptoms?

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My situation was quite the opposite. I always knew something was different with my son, and when his issues got out of control and I was seeking help, the PROFESSIONALS were telling me it was my parenting, or my son was being manipulative, or he had anxiety and we needed to force him to do things that upset him to break him of it. BAD advice and no one listened to what the parent was saying. The PROFESSIONALS told me he was too smart, he was too advanced, he was too creative...Their advice was terrible for the actual issue that no one diagnosed at the time, Aspergers. They told me to force my son to stay at places that overwhelmed him, and ignore his pleas to leave or for comfort, they told me to put him in time out for tantrums or other behaviors, they told me to be stricter, firmer, etc...

Those sound like pretty incompetent professionals, unfortunatly there are a lot of them out there. I was actually going to talk about that in this thread to but I didn't want to make the OP too long. But that is terrible they pretty much told you to do the opposite of what you should do.

I have family and freinds that otld me he is a boy, all boys are like that, he will grow out of it, dont get worried, etc...I never listened. My mommy gut KNEW. It isnt just a boy thing, he ISNT growing out of it.

When I finally got the diagnosis for my son, after I pushed on until I found some professionals who listened to me and spent more then 30 mins with my son, I did more reading then I ever did before. I joined al the local autism and asperger groups, got him in extra social skills groups, went to therapy, read and researched ever waking second. I still, to this day, ignore people who tell me my son is too smart, to normal, too affectionate to have ASpergers or ASD.


I chose to homeschool my son casue the district had no propper placemnt fot him, and I knew with his issues and his intelligence he would have a terrible time atschool. I spend all my time and money on bettering his life. The the point of almost ignoring his NT sister, and efeenitley ignoring myself and my DHs needs. I work with him daily on his schoolwork, drve him to and from all different groups to help him learn better social skills, and some of them are FAR drives, some days all we do is hop from place to place for HIM. While his little sis waits in waiting rooms for him to get done. When he was her age he was out playing, in programs, playdates, etc...she gets maybe 1/4 the attention he gets.

It is sad to blanket all paretns into a group, just as it is sad to blanket all ASD into a group. I wasnt one of them, but I do feel for those parents who dont see it, for we take our kids to PROFESSIONALS and if they are saying NO NO NO, then it is understandable why some parents dont see their kids behaviors as symptms of Autism.

Yeah I see your point, and I am not trying to generalize all parents as ignoring symptoms or anything...and clearly you're not doing anything like that so it doesn't apply to you really, in fact it really does not even apply to this forum specifically, just in general but yeah I have kind of got that impression on this forum before from some people but I am not one to try and dig up old posts to criticize. As that would be pretty immature, just figured I'd express my thoughts on the issue in general.

I have a freind whose son is the same age as mine, her kid has the same issues as mine, if not worse. She has taken this kid since he is 2 to Drs, neurologists, the school district, etc.. and they all say NO. He has NO ASD, and it is her parenting and she has to be stricter. Blame the people who arent diagnosing correctly, who arent LISTENING to parents concerns. Just casue a kid can sit in a therapy room and behave for 30 mins, doesnt mean they dont have ASD. THEY are the ones who arent seeing Autism in the correct light.

You are frustrated? WE, as PARENTS are frustrated too. We are screaming for help and all we get is you need to be stricter. You need to show him who is boss, you need to not give in, take hiim to therapy for his issues, etc... I still get it and my son is diagnosed.

Please dont mistake my BOLD letters for yelling, it is more for emphasis on the words. Maybe italics would be better then bold for the emphaisi on the words.

Yeah, I just find it sad that even some that know their child has autism...refuse to acknowledge that it does come with difficulties, and will interfere with social interaction, behavior and such. I mean in my case my parents just didn't know, though I think my dad was more open to the idea I was a bit different. But was horrible growing up feeling so misunderstood by everyone and isolated from them...so its the knowing your kid has autism or maybe another disorder but still pretending they don't which really makes me sad because its like the tools to try and understand are right there.......the knowledge about the kid having autism, which means go to the library get some books, do some internet research, talk to the child about how they are feeling and why they are doing what they are doing. ect...I mean other than ignorance like my mom just not knowing there is no excuse for someone to grow up feeling like that when the tools to help are right there.

Thank you for posting this thread Sweetleaf - it will probably be beneficial to some (definitely food for thought). I find it infuriating that people choose to ignore what is right in front of them too.
Sorry I assumed you were bashing yourself - it had that kind of feel to it (as ridiculous as that sounds on a message forum).

Autism being a spectrum does not mean its not a mental disorder.

A mental disorder is a disturbance in an otherwise normal brain. Autism completely rewires the brain, but the brain itself is healthy.

No a mental disorder is a disturbance that prevents normal brain functioning.....so a re-wiring of the brain that causes difficulties can certainly be considered a mental disorder.

The autistic brain quite simply has a notably different neurology in how it functions, much like a cat and dog are different in neurology, though seem mostly alike in many ways: a cat isn't a defective dog, just a cat. Likewise, if a cat attempts to be a dog, it doesn't work so well in practice: a cat that tries to be something it's not (a dog) will end up with mental problems from attempting to live that lie. So, too, will autistics have more psychological problems brought on by trying to (or being forced to externally) act like neurotypical (aka "everyone else") people, because it isn't natural, and results in a lot of long-term stress.

Mental illness is something that's transient, or at least it develops over time: autistics are born that way, and it can't be cured, and it doesn't go away with time: it is a developmental difference, and some types of expected developments may not happen, or happen much later, while still other developments may be something neurotypicals never have themselves.
Source(s):
I'm an adult diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and also have an autistic older sister and an autistic nephew...

Also, read http://www.autistics.org to get another view from more autistics (not all are verbal, but can certainly write)

Having Austism isn't a rewiring of the brain.. that's how it was wired to begin with.
We didn't become damaged.. we were made this way. You're like a meer cat in a world of house cats not a cat with a mental disorder

I like the Yahoo answers way of answering this question:

No a mental disorder is a disturbance that prevents normal brain functioning.....so a re-wiring of the brain that causes difficulties can certainly be considered a mental disorder.

Being a parent is a job that you can never be fully prepared for.

I had a miserable childhood,so decided to prepare like crazy before we even started trying to get pregnant. I made sure we were financially ready, I felt that if I just read enough books and studied hard enough, my kids would escape the challenges I faced as a child.

I chose a parenting/discipline strategy that I felt really good about (positive discipline) and worked insanely hard to be sure my kids needs would be met. Positive discipline is all about helping your kids know what to do rather than focusing on what not to do. So in the little years an example would be instead of saying don't run in the house. We would say, walking feet in the house.

Then the actual kids came......all of that stuff I'd read, worked.....sometimes. With my older son, he had colic and screamed for his first three months of life. The books really don't tell you much about how to handle hours upon hours of screaming. After we got through that, anything seemed easy!

Then son #2 came along, and from birth he was different. He didn't scream constantly, just when left alone or wasn't being engaged. He would stop crying if you were holding him, looking at him and talking to him. I thought this was easy after our experience with colic.

Because of the positive discipline, I think my son was given a ton of very specific tools. If something didn't come naturally to him, he was told what to do and how to handle something rather than being punished for it. I believe that this style is responsible for the confusion in diagnosis, because when something came up, he was taught what it meant or how to deal with it. He's really smart, so he remembers.

Anyway, I guess the point of my long post is that for the most part we parents do the best we can with what we've got. Just like someone shouldn't criticize someone on the spectrum for something that doesn't come naturally, we probably shouldn't criticize families for what they don't know.

Parents who are on this board are actively seeking solutions in ways to help their kids. I think it is most helpful, if you "catch" someone doing something that is ineffective, telling them what they should do instead. Telling them what not to do, doesn't help them know what to do, cause if they had that skill, I'm sure they would have used it.

As always Sweetleaf, the perspective of someone who has lived what our kids go through, is really valuable. I appreciate it and try to incorporate it into my view (which needs to include the parent considerations too). Thanks for posting, just remember, that we are all doing the best we can, and no one here is trying to harm their child or allow them to be harmed.

But an autistic brain functions normally, jut according to the way it's wired. It's in no way abnormal, or distorted. It's just different.

it may function normally for autism, but some low functioning autistic people would probably then die without assistance and or interverntion. I worked in a group home for adults with disabilities for many years, some of the autistic clients needed full on assistance to live. While autism may be a brain difference or whatever you call it, it isnt always just a difference. Some of these people cannot live without assistance. We had adults who ran out in the middle of the street in traffic, or those who were non verbal and count go food shopping or prepare a meal or even feed themsleves, couldnt toilet or bathe or dress alone.

I am aware of that, which is why it's a disorder with different severity levels...I am not suggesting people with more severe autism than me should not have services they need or anything like that. I still think they should be acccepted as individuals not just seen as a disorder...but I realize even with acceptance they would still need help.

THe adults here with autism are all high functioning enough to use a computer, there are many who arent functioning enough to put a sock on. The brain can be so severely effected by autism, that is probably why it is comsidered a disorder in the first place. Also, MOST with autism need intervention even high functioning. My son is extremely high functoning but needs meds and therapy and services otherwise if we just try to raise him like you would raise a NT child, he probably wouont be sucessful as an adult. Or maybe he would figure it out but have issues as an adult based on how he was misunderstood as a child....etc.

I am not particularly comfortable with things being so black and white, I mean why does one have to be low functioning or high functioning, because I personally feel somewhere in between. Also while some lower functioning people might not be able to put a sock on.....I can't walk up to someone I don't know and initiate social interaction....even before I dropped out of college I still couldn't even just ask the person in front of me to borrow a pencil when I didn't have one. I can't make eye contact even when it's expected, my sensory issues prevent me from spending too long in stores like wal-mart, causes even what seems to be normal light to other people to give me headaches, not to mention the co-morbids and well there are a lot of things I have difficulties with. yet people think because I seem intelligent I can't possibly have many difficulties.

Also there was no intervention for me...I am not even sure what that would entail or what it would have helped me with anyways. But I think I might have benefited from my parents knowing I had autism then maybe they could have understood a little more, mostly my mom as my dad was at least more open to the idea I was a bit different than most people. Anyways I graduated highscool, and have now dropped out of college twice and am hoping to get by on seasonal work and maybe SSI should I get approved. But based on what I've educated myself on, and how I've been treated by this society I am ok with not suceeding in this society as that would indicate I've become well adjusted to a profoundly sick society....in which case I don't know I could live with myself. Maybe this only furthers your point autistic kids should have intervention then maybe the won't end up like me.....but then I cannot totally blame having autism for this that was just the thing that was off about me that people picked on me for that I finally figured out when I was 21.


However you want to word it, Web Page Namehttp://psychology.about.com/od/psyc ... aq_dsm.htm, 4th edition text revision (DSM-IV-TR) is used by clinicians and psychiatrists to diagnose psychiatric illnesses. The DSM-IV-TR is published by the American Psychiatric Association and covers all categories of mental health disorders for both adults and children. The manual is non-theoretical and focused mostly on describing symptoms as well as statistics concerning which gender is most affected by the illness, the typical age of onset, the effects of treatment, and common treatment approache