I let my kids stim. Is this ok?

Post Reply New Topic

It's more that I am not a professional, so I don't know the right answer. I respect the opinions of professionals, but I respect the opinion more of people who actually stim.

I have a mind of my own, but it is not a mind that has studied autism.

I thought this was an interesting blog on stimming from someone on the spectrum

http://oneaspiestory.blogspot.com/2009/ ... mming.html

This is about stimming behaviors seen in deaf and/or blind children. It does propose changing or redirecting those behaviors to socially acceptable ones, but I thought it was interesting the way it organized the behaviors to help a parent better understand what sensory stimulation the child receives from the behavior.

http://www.tsbvi.edu/seehear/archive/mannerism.html

I'm an AS non-parent and I read this board. I like helping parents out, and plus it gives a different perspective on AS than the one I'm most familiar with.



The thing is, if you get the kid to change so he/she won't be bullied, what do you teach the kid? If people make fun of you, change to please them. In adult life, being too ready to change to please others is not healthy - that tends to make you a target for people who want to abuse you.

I'm not saying do nothing about bullying. Be a fierce advocate for your kids. Point out all the research studies showing bad outcomes for bullies when untreated, to make the point that adressing bullying helps the bullies too (many bullies have serious psychiatric conditions that if untreated could ruin their lives, such as antisocial spectrum disorders). Point out the legal obligation schools have to ensure safety of their students. Threaten them with court or media if nothing else works.

But don't deal with bullying by changing the victim, unless what they're doing that makes them a target is bad for its own sake.

Even if we forget the bully issue and focus on sucess in life, it's important to be able to stim in a more acceptable manner with age. We all do a lot of adapting to fit into society, whether we admit it or not. Being unwilling to change is just as bad as changing too easily. I think we need to pick our battles, and I just don't see how this one is worth it. I don't see why it's better to tell an older child to continue stimming in a manner which others find innapropriate when it is possible to fulfill the same sensory needs with more acceptable forms of stimming. I hear so many stories of how miserable so many children and adults are because the majority of children with ASD's are being bullied, and it doesn't make me want to start a campain to help bullies and encourage my kid to continue being disruptive because that's what he wants to do.

I think it's fine as long as it's not interfering with other activities.

Yes, it's ok.
I just imagined NOT being able to stim, and shuddered in horror.

I think the topic is an important one and comes under the highly contentious 'to act NT or not' debate. I agree with letting your kids be free to express themselves, but I also tend to agree with McAnulty, it's not just bullies you have to worry about with stimming, but as we age it can impact things like getting a job. It would be all nice and well if the world wasn't build on having to behave in a NT manner, but it mostly is, and it isn't likely to change any time soon. I know your kids aren’t even 3 yet, but I completely understand why you want to establish your own appropriate and consistent patterns of teaching now.

My current opinion (and it's just that - an opinion) is that kids should be allowed to stim if they want, but they need to understand boundaries. Temple Grandin wasn’t allowed to stim at the dinner table, for e.g., and so learned the importance of social etiquette and gained the ability to curtail her stimming when it was inappropriate, for herself more so than for others. And this is the important thing - not stimming or stimming in a socially appropriate manner is not just for the benefit of the NTs in the room, it's also a very handy ability to have when navigating the social and, eventually, occupational arena.

As a personal example, when I was much younger I used to stim by spinning, and if my Mum had had enough or it was time to do something else, she’d just say ‘okay, time to dust the television/do your homework/jump on the trampoline(/whatever),’ and that’d be cool with me (although sometimes it also needed to be accompanied by some gentle leading to get started).

So I think your instincts are spot on and it sounds like you’ll do just fine. This is just my 2c.

I let my son stim, it relaxes him. If you want a way to discourage stimming, use it as a reinforcement (for those who don't know ABA, it's a reward for something the kid does well). I used jumping stim as a reinforcement to teach my son body parts and I got 2 results: he learnt body parts and he got bored to jump. Each reinforcements bores the kid in the long run so it's an effective strategy

Hmmm...this is always a topic that has so many valid, yet seemingly contradicting, views.

When my daughter was younger, I let her stim to her heart's content. I was of the mindset that it was part of who she is and she shouldn't have to change. Now, as she has gotten older, a lot of her stimming has diminished and most of the public stimming is gone. On it's own. She just did it herself. A very wise Aspie woman once advised me to allow Home to be her Safe place. Let her be as autistic as she wanted/needed to be, because as she grew up and became more independent, she would spend a lot of energy and effort trying to blend, and she'd always need a place to just Be. I've always given that to both of my kids.

The best piece of advice I think I ever got.

My son, on the other hand, has never really stimmed, unless you considered his sensory seeking behavior (crashing) when he was younger a stim (which I don't). However, with him I have come to feel very differently about "they shouldn't have to change to suit others." Being teased and ridiculed is horrible, and to believe that other people will magically stop doing it is...unrealistic. Even if they should they won't and I can't let my son suffer due to what others will not do. While my son does not stim, he does have numerous things he does that draws negative attention to him. This year we started talking about those things that make him a target of ridicule. I felt awful doing it because I felt like I was somehow shaming him for something that he shouldn't be ashamed of, even though I was very careful to tell him he had nothing to be ashamed of. I felt awful nonetheless. But the truth is, it has helped. There are now things that he does and talks about only at home, because he is gaining awareness that they may cause issues if he says or does them around his peers. I now know that what I am doing is empowering him to make choices about his life. He now has the opportunity to choose not to stuff his pockets full of pebbles and get teased because he recognizes that others find this odd, even though he likes to do it. He still does it when it's just us. But he doesn't do it around peers anymore.

We all---every human one of us--alter our behavior because of others. It doesn't change who we are. It allows us to adapt and to gain a little control over our environment, or at least over our interactions with others. My son can choose to be his quirky self whenever he wants. But now he is learning it is not his only option and he can reason his way through which suits him best at the moment.

Getting back to the actual issue of stimming, though, I am generally in favor of allowing it, especially for little ones. I would caution everyone to remember that it isn't "purposeless repetitive behavior" which is what many of us parents are taught. It most definitely serves a purpose, even if we can't understand what it is. Therefore, I would only make attempts to change the behavior after understanding the need that was being met, and only if the child will somehow benefit. Making other people more comfortable is not necessarily a benefit to the child.

You know, if the stimming is dangerous, dirty, or unhealthy it's probably best to keep it to a minimum. My son likes to play in mud, jump in puddles, and pour sand on his head. I try to redirect him when he does this. He is 4, by the way.

Moderation... appropriate time and place. Letting them do it whenever and wherever they want can have repercussions socially when they get older.

I would work on helping them focus on a less obvious stem. For example I know someone who taps her finger or leg instead of jumping up and down or pacing back and forth.

Something that can be done in public without attracting attention.

I think it is ok to let the stim
I'm 22 and still stim, especially when feeling strong emotions or if I'm stressed. Interrupting it when I'm upset can make me feel worse but if I'm stimming because I'm happy then interruptions don't bother me as much.... Maybe if you try to gauge (I know it might be impossible sometimes) why they are doing it you can see if it might be practical to redirect them

As an NT parent, I try to have long term goals but make decisions on the fly. I highly appreciate this forum to learn from adult aspies the importance of stims to sort or regulate or settle what's going on in the brain. At this point, it is second nature for me to consider all the factors before I might stop a stim. I think about his age, current signs of maturity, place, energy level, stress level, company, future opportunity to stim, etc.

In other words, I would let your very young kids stim to their hearts content and just try to explain to others that they needs this. Gradually I would find times where they can easily stop and maybe do it later. Then you might limit it to inside the home and under certain conditions, remembering that at times they may need to do it anyway. This is just one area where I do worry about being terribly consistent because he just might need to get something out of his system.

Also, half the time his stims are not negative - they're an expression of excitement. These I try to make sure are appropriate.

I think this is terrific advice.

DS never really stimmed in the traditional sense (although it used to be that he'd hum a particular song (for a while it was the can-can) right before a meltdown.) but he's fidgety and sometimes chews things, etc. He doesn't have a particular, specific behavior in other words, but sort of cycles through fidgety behaviors. I guess try to offer time-and-place guidance with some of the behaviors, and offer alternative behaviors when things are inappropriate, damaging, or wind up costing us money (as in, PJ shirts can be chewed because I don't care, but school clothes cannot be chewed. I did offer to buy him some chewelry if he needed it.)

He is able to redirect his stimming to a different behavior if it's a problem, so we make sure he has the tools to do that. Jumping up and down is actually a terrific stim if they're able to manage where they are in space: you can do it pretty much anywhere through childhood except a school classroom, and most schools will offer sensory breaks to kids who need them. Their school might even have a mini-tramp or the like...

I agree with your stance on your children's stimming. I believe that the only time it's necessary to halt stimming behavior is when it crosses the boundary into destructive or self-injurious behavior, but even then, it is better to try to redirect the individual by offering a means of accomplishing the same type of input the undesired stim provided. As they get older, it may be best to let them have private "stim time" and provide them with a means of communicating with you that they need to take a break from an overwhelming situation and go to an isolated place to stim. This way they can avoid being made fun of and get the sense of release they need. Weighted vests can be effective for some situations, but they never were enough for me (too loose even when adjusted as tight as possible, not heavy enough, and most looked "clinical"), which is why I bought body armor (much heavier, can be adjusted tightly, and the slight rigidity feels comforting as well). The vests can also become a habituating influence in some users, thus the need to remove them quite often and put them back on after a while. You seem to be an amazing parent, especially for taking the initiative to research the needs of your children and accomodate those needs whenever possible.