InThisTogether wrote:
People like that are the ones you tell you are autistic and they say,"well, we're all autistic, in one way or another." wow.
This:
My mom is like that. It has taken me a long time to "get this" because it really gets on my nerves. There are just people who like to live in a world where everything can be smoothed over by insisting it(whatever it is) is not so.
It doesn't make your wife a bad person, it is just that if this is a regular thing that she does, it will take both of you awhile to get each other on this. I would try to talk to her about it and try to make her understand that invalidating your daughter's feelings is about as counterproductive as you can get. (Be gentle, so she does not get defensive.)
Once you can get her to understand why what she was doing was suboptimal, maybe you can agree on a code word or something for you to say when she does that, so she can backtrack on her own and self-correct, so you don't have to correct her in front of your daughter. If this is her tendency it will be really hard for her to stop, and she won't even realize she does it, when she does it. It becomes automatic to people with this tendency. They really do not think about it.