Kids on the spectrum and School....

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I would always try to keep it together while at school. having a meltdown at school would always lead to the opposite of what I wanted, to be alone. the teachers and staff would always escalate things so if I did meltdown I would just shutdown.

My 6yr old daughter just got a diagnosis of Aspergers yesterday. The people doing the assessment said that it is very common for kids on the spectrum to be different at school and home. My daughter holds it together at school and very seldom gets into trouble. There are obvious issues with her social interactions and her concentration, but, on the whole, the teachers don't have cause to speak to me. However, as soon as she comes out of the building, I can often detect a foul mood. I never know what she's going to be like. She trusts me. I'll love her no matter what her behaviour is like, so she knows she can let it all go, in my presence.

I was told by a behaviorist when my daughter was in early intervention that we parents will experience at home what is called the kindergarten syndrome..... the stress of the programs and school, the kids behave well at school and let loose at home because they have to let it all out. As a grownup diagnosed much later, it now explains my need to shut down from the world every day - I used to think something was wrong with me that I hated happy hour, that I preferred longer commutes home to listen to music in my car and be alone. Now at least I don't have to explain myself to anyone anymore or doubt myself for why I "need" that or fight what works for me. Its a necessity!! !!

Its clockwork, Mondays after school are the worst, then by the weekend my daughter and i are both "done". Thats why on Saturdays we take it easy and do only one activity but allows my daughter to have some structure because no structure leads to a bad weekend of one meltdown, she needs something to "do" - and so do I .

Funnily enough when I was in high school I would say to my folks that school and talking was so much "work". I'd come home and decompress in front of the TV and didn't talk to friends on the phone, etc. etc. (in my mind i talked to them alllll day why would i want to talk to them more at home????? I wanted to be alone). It all makes sense now why I would be so fatigued by the end of the week.

I just say to myself "kindergarten syndrome".... it all makes sense.

Wow, thank you so much for your replies! They have all been very helpful! I can relate to the Jekyll and Hyde syndrome. God love Tony Attwood.

I agree, my son definitely feels much more safe at home. I am sure he is scared to do wrong at school because he doesnt know what to expect from the teacher or principal. My son is very focused on following rules at school. Even when we are out at an indoor play centre at mc Donalds, he knows shoes must go off, but if I suggest to leave them on this once he cannot do it and stress that it would be breaking the rules!




Again, the same for us. I know in my heart the minute I see his face when he comes out of the classroom if there is something amiss. Usually it is change that has happened during the school day. He will mention it as soon as we are off school grounds. Usually an hour long tantrum will follow when we get home, and will be triggered by something minor. I know that he holds his stresses in all day, he does not like change, is sensitive to noise, has trouble with comprehending, I believe he has some social issues during lunch and recess. I completely understand why he melts down at the end of the day, and so be it. I'm so proud of him for being able to get through a tough day and be able to contain himself so well, it must be exhausting for him.

If only his teacher would take a closer look, and be more supportive of my concerns....instead of laughing them off because she doesn't pay attention.

It really irritates me when people seem to think they know my son better than I do when they spend a few hours a day with him. If only they could spend the last 7 years in his shoes!! !

I need to stay focused and go with my gut at all times and F what the so called experts think, my intuition is usually right. I feel so connected to my son that I can generally read him like a book.... I dont think the umbilical cord was ever really cut!