Do NT parents really hate their Aspie Children?

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I'm not terribly bothered much by it, nor do I place much blame on them. They were raised in the faith, so it is of little surprise that they would perpetuate the beliefs (it's all they know) and growing up, it was pretty much the "norm." At least they fed me (which is more than I can say for some parents out there) and at least I didn't turn out too effed up.
P.S. I really need to lighten up this thread somehow . I don't want to leave anyone depressed...

Consider it lightened, and you don't seem too effed up to me, either! LOL!

My parents--well my dad--wasn't the best when I was a kid either. I found it absolutely liberating when I realized he was just a human like everyone else and that even though he was not the dad I needed, he did the best he could. I believe him to be an undiagnosed Aspie, and although I had already forgiven him when I realized it, knowing it really helped me understand him in a new way. Although it was his neurology that constrained his parenting, it sounds like you have come to understand that it was your parent's faith and culture. That knowledge can be empowering, IMHO.

Same here. You seem to be pretty enlightened.
The more and more I analyze it, the more I think my father and especially his father are both aspies. I was visiting with his father this past weekend (he is also a kofar-one who turned away from the faith) and I was showing him some rounds (.50 cal., 20mm and 25mm) and he started telling me about his days in the Army, and I looked down to notice him stimming with them the exact same way I do. Add to that his quirks and obsession with magnetic field generators, Tesla coils, airplanes and aviation (flies experimental aircraft) and the fact that his entire house is filled with books and schematics... I think there's far more of us than they realize in the family.

Sure hope these clowns don't call themselves Christians. If they do, they'd better start actually reading the bible. John Chapter 9, for a start.

I was told that many times by my own parents as a teenager. "Your no good, I don't understand you at all, you'll amount to nothng, you'll be in jail as an adult, they'll burn your eyes out with cigarettes in military school."

I also have a PTSD diagnosis from my upbringing. Neither of my NT siblings have a PTSD diagnosis. The process of deduction as to why I have the PTSD diagnosis is an easy one to make. Let's see what was different about me.......

Some parents are so unfit.

It makes me sad.

I feel sad, frustrated, or angry when I can't wrap my head around my as daughters view of the world. Usually I despise MYSELF, wishing I was a more able parent in this new and unfamiliar world of ASD. I try to educate myself. I try to be patient. I must admit that when she throws stuff (during meltdowns), and I am almost always the target, I feel like having a meltdown myself, sometimes.
BUT I really love her. she makes me laugh,and cry, and I cannot imagine our family without her.

Mine never hated me. They had their flaws, made their mistakes but no parent is perfect.

I don't know about hatred, but I do know an NT Mum who is embarrassed by her daughter. She stopped taking her to after school activities, because of her behaviour. I saw her NT sister at a swimming pool yesterday, with her Dad. The girl was no doubt at home, with her Mum. She's a lovely girl too, very friendly and sweet, not really badly behaved at all, either. My own daughter is much harder to manage, but I plod on, take her everywhere I can, try out classes, etc. If the class doesn't work out for her, I find another. I feel sorry for the girl, because I can see my daughter having a much better life, at the moment. I also think my daughter's future is more promising, even though the other girl doesn't appear to be as far along the spectrum as my girl. I'm not perfect. There are some things that my daughter does which I simply don't get and she can be infuriating. However, in general, I think I have a good understanding of what might be upsetting her. I'm not sure if this is because I'm clearly not NT or just because I read so much about the subject.

I have a NT mom and a AS dad (I am sure he is on the spectrum, but at his age there is no need to bother him with a diagnosis). My mom has always encouraged my quirks, was proud of me when I followed my special interests and proud of me when I did not look like the other kids (weird clothes and blue hair etc.). She did not have an easy childhood herself and was very forgiving about all my special things

I am sure some of my own childen are on the spectrum (high functioning) and I do try to help them as much as I can. They are the most wonderful and caring children. What more can anybody wish for

I think my mother was terrified of losing the support of her parents and sister because she had a difficult daughter. So I don't think she hated me, but she hated the situation, the constantly having to fear because of me. Which made her fight my symptoms and my personality with a vengeance since I was born till her last days.

She would've never, in a million years, admitted that she had a child that was "different", out of the above mentioned fear, so she devoted a great deal of her life to convincing me and everyone else in the family that I was just lazy/selfish/mean. So I never had a relationship with anyone in the family, core or extended family, because everyone felt most justified in despising me (which they anyway did because I was different). Now that my parents are deceased, I'm totally alone in the world, no contact with any family.

Also, a different child is a challenge, and if there's one thing my mother never ever agreed to cope with is a challenge of any kind. So I was a nuisance to her.

My father was an aspie, so he was barely involved, he just took the cues from my mother.

So I think that yes, it's possible to love the NT children and treat the AS child like an enemy.

It sounds like your mom has other problems. You being YOU doesn't make anyone else a bad person. If she is having trouble understanding you and is lashing out, she's got some very personal emotional stuff she needs to work out.

I'm not saying that good parents don't ever get frustrated and act inappropriately. We are all human, so we aren't perfect.

My kids are still little, and I do have a hard time understanding what is going on with them sometimes. Part of it is that they both have issues that NT kids just don't seem to have, but also, because they are kids. I haven't been one for a long time!! ! So, i forgot!!

Just like some decent parents will forget that their children aren't mini adults who behave rationally, my guess is that sometimes NT parents forget that their Aspie kids are experiencing the world differently than them.

Try not to internalize your mother's behavior. She is responsible for that.

Just FYI, I grew up with a mentally ill mother who did horrible things when I'd come home from college, like kicked me out of the house at christmas and spent a lot of time raging around the house screaming and yelling. It took many years of therapy for me to understand that I actually did not cause that behavior. If my mom was mad at me during a visit at Christmas, a healthy and appropriate response would have been for her to talk to me about it and tell me that she was hurt because I did x..y..z.

I think that a lot of parents are embarrassed about the things that their Aspie children do and enjoy. I also think that parents are also embarrassed when their Aspie children grow up to have minds of their own, instead of growing up to be clones of their same sex parents.

I do think I've heard of one guy who hates his ASD child - in the magazine Hatewatch, they described a Neo-Nazi who divorced his wife because their son was autistic and he figured her genes were inferior. (Ironically, he had several autistic traits himself, like not wanting different foods to mix on his plate. So it was probably his genes that did it.)

But most parents who screw their kids up don't actually hate them. In their twisted way, they're trying to be caring and loving. This is true even for parents who screw up their ASD kids and not their NT kids - they have issues with the ASD, and they're trying to be good parents, but they get it wrong.

For example, my Dad knew a guy who wanted to encourage his son to do his best, so he criticized every mistake his son made. One day, he gave his son a list of criticisms, and his son nodded sadly and said 'OK, Dad, I'll take care of it.' Then he went into the other room and shot himself. His father was shocked and horrified - he'd never intended to drive his son to suicide.

Havent read the whole thread, but as a NT parent of an ASD child, whom I love dearly, I wanted to chime in. I am not embarassed of my son, I will tell anyone he is on the spectrum, we are a part of asuism groups, he has many friends on the spectrum as well as typical friends. He has special interests that I have always indulged even when I dont particularly care for them (such as the latest vidoe game obsession). I dont stop him from jumping or pacing in public when excited, I dont stop him from chewing, I got him a chewie that he takes in public and will defend him to the end of the earth from people who make stupid comments about it.

I am extremely proud of my son. I LOVE his unique mind and want him to grow up to be wahtever it is his heart desires(right now it is a video game designer) which is NOTHING that has to do with any of my interests or likes or the path I chose to take. I will do whatever I can to support him and make sure he has the best that life has to offer him. He has to overcome so much to just do daily things that others take for granted. I think it is a stereotypical comment to say "ALL NT parents hate their ASD kids". It is unfair. It is not true. It is just as unfair as saying "All ASD people are not affectionate."

Many NT parents are not fit to paretnt their NT children. just cause someone gave birth or fathered a child means nothing. NT, ASD, or anything inbetween.

Nope. Your mom is a poopyhead who can't cope.

That said, it's been my experience that every parent has moments-- sometimes really long moments-- of extreme frustration and even resentment. If someone tells you parents who love their children are never cross, never have to go outside and scream, never have to walk away before they throttle the little angels, never have to occasionally let someone else deal with it, and do not actually breathe a huge sigh of relief when the darling little things go to sleep, THAT PERSON IS LYING.

Come to think of it, it might have been a good idea if someone had told your mom that. Then she wouldn't be blaming you for the fact that life is frustrating and people are definitely full of life.

Life is full of poopyheads who can't cope.