We are making process but facing some new challenges

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I think one of the issues we have is my son has a hard time taking anything seriously. I mean, he is down right giggly. We try and correct him all the time and tell him what is appropriate and what isn't but gosh, it gets exhausting. And it seems the bulk of the spitting is done at home. When he is out and about, he is so distract with trying to absorb everything, he has little time to remember that he should be spitting.

With ASD kids, how common is it for them to have an very animated face with lots of expressions and be verry giddy. Someone once said something to me which ticked me off to no end. They were making a "joke" and said my son laughed so much, you would think he was MR. He is smart as a wip, and I love his infectious smile and laughter, but how common is it? I think it's hard for him to take me serious because he is always trying to get me to laugh. He doesn't like when I am too serious or upset. He will then try to move my mouth into a smile and try to comfort me which I absolutely love. Still, his ASD sometimes seems very different from others.

My son is very emotionally expressive. He often uses silliness to divert anxiety and other negative emotions. Looking back, I can remember several times him being the "class clown" to gain positive attention. At three, he would knock his chair over backward on purpose at preschool to get the other children to laugh. If something made someone laugh once, he would do it over and over to the point of annoyance. (We often refer to the spongebob video "I ripped my pants" to help avert this one) In the last year (he is now 11 almost 12 and in 6th grade) I finally figured out that he has a hard time reading all but the most distorted/obvious facial expressions. So, he knew someone was upset when they yelled or had a big frown, but didn't get looks that said thats annoying, or disgusting, or please stop. He knew you were happy with him with a big smile or a laugh, but not a small nod, small smile etc. We have been working on how to show adults you are listening/taking them seriously, as he tends to squirm, giggle, and bounce when in trouble (and on a side note to choose your arguments). It has taken him almost a year to start to show improvement in this. I knew more than the average person about autism. I worked with several children who were austistic. I saw a lot of signs for autism when he was little, but like many others, I dismissed them because of stereotypes. My son is cuddly, expressive, has great intonation, and has an awesome imagination. However, the things I didn't understand were: his affection was often indiscriminate, his expressions often didn't match his internal state, and he had a hard time reading emotions in others, his intonation was exaggerated, and his imagination was repetitive, and almost never reciprocal or social.

DS is also handling his pragmatic difference by being 'class clown,' and frequently gets in trouble with peers for laughing at the wrong times. I know that DS handles uncomfortable social situations by telling a joke, because not only the words are scripted, the interaction is scripted, too: I tell joke, you react to joke (either laughter or awww shucks,) I grin and you grin. Interaction ends. It took a long time for him to observe and practice this script, and in the process he wound up memorizing several joke books just to make sure he had material for any situation that may befall him.

All of that being said, he lost a friend this summer because they were fighting, and his response when he was frightened was a sinister, sarcastic laugh. The friend thought DS was laughing AT him, and hasn't spoken to him since (I think DS was just scared and imitating something he'd seen in hopes the kid would back off.)

The long and short of it: mismatched facial and social expression is common on the autism spectrum. Laughter and inappropriately-matched facial expressions are part of a pragmatic speech deficit. I don't know your child well enough to be able to tell, but he may well be trying to express something completely different from happiness, or may simply be following the rules of interactions he does understand, even if they don't apply.

You could be right. It sometimes takes a lot to get through to my son that what I am saying is not a joke and that I am serious. And then, when he realize that I am upset, he wants me to be happy. Funny, he even started making up knock knock jokes a few months ago. His answer to "who's there" is whatever he sees around him (spoon, truck, orange, etc). I don't know how to teach him to read subtle facial expressions, especially since they will differ by person.'

My son will acknowledge other people but he is not really "friendly" with them though. what he will do is engage in is odd interaction. He knows he wants to interact with a visitor to the house, so he may go up to them and say something in his jargon or touch them and backs off when they respond, sometimes moving on to something totally different (his focus is iffy). The big smiles are directed primarily at me. <3 The rest of the family gets it, just not with the same intensity.

I guess we will have to start teaching him one expression at a time. Right now he likes to play "make a funny expression" but they are usually the extreme stuff, happy, sad, angry, crying, surprise, sleepy, etc. I don't know how to teach, a little happy, a little sad, etc.

Acutally the main expression are age appropriate for him now. Happy, sad, angry, suprise, disgusted are the ones most universally recognized and appear most hardwired. You can pause the tv/videos or look at books and ask How does he/she feel, how do you know (facial expression details), can you make a (sad/happy) face like that person (use a mirror), what was happening to make him/her feel that way? You can also make collages of faces that are in each category by cutting out a whole bunch from magazines and letting the child sort/glue them. This helps them to see that everyone's happy/sad is not exactly the same.

You can also point apply words to the facial expression you make, like saying saying "I am mad, see my mouth is straight, my eyebrows are down. (but this one is hard and for when your child is older) I did this one a lot with my son around age 10/11 when I realized he was reading me wrong. I would say. Look at my face, how do you think I feel right now. How does my voice sound. How will I know you know I feel ________? What is your facial/body expression telling me. What do you want it to tell me. What can you do different.