Is it really bad to hope my unborn child is an Aspie?

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Schneekugel
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10 Jan 2013, 4:00 am

There are only desperate groups if we decide to desperate from each other. And i think the listed groups of you dont have that sharp borders to separate them. So right now i would be in your "functional" group, having a job, living on my own and so on... But thats not static. Just a little more stress in my work or at home and i am hardly able to manage my tasks, also have lost some jobs before due to my problems and getting a job is the hardest thing for me, because most people think i work well, but before that I must introduce myself to get the job and this can takes month for me. :(

So maybe I am now in the "functional" group by luck now, but I also know how it is to be in the not so functional group. Even when it comes to pure autistic people it is much easier for me to understand their struggles. Ok, so i can endure a bit longer until I burn out, but still I can understand why things like interruptions are such problems for many autistic, why routines are so important and so on. I have the luck that its not soooo terrible for me, when somethings goes wrong but still there are huge differences for me between a day, where i can have my routines, everything goes well, no interruptions, no forced NT habbits, no chitchatting, no disturbances from working colleagues or a day, where everything goes wrong, everybody wants to talk to me, interruptions leading to doing three things at once and so on...

If everything goes well i come home and i feel happy an refreshed and want to meet friends of mine. If the last mentioned happened i am coming home, cant stand to greet or talk to my partner and close myself into the bath, sometimes shivering, sometimes crying...reading hours to silence my thoughts until i feel able to go out again.

When it comes to parents and health providers, then maybe there is a small border because I really do thing, that most of them want to understand how it feels like, why we think what we are thinking, but its still a difference from feeling it by themselves. This is not meant offending, but i can read much about blind people, but still its something else then knowing what its really like.



zette
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10 Jan 2013, 12:34 pm

cyberdad wrote:
zette wrote:
FWIW, I've heard that some parents in the Deaf community have expressed hope that they have a deaf child. They view deafness as a difference, and value the Deaf culture.

Apart from WP there is no "autistic culture" or place where people with autism can gather that I am aware of? (at least not here in Australia). There seems to be five groups who seem to have different agendas. Firstly
1. high functioning autistic people who can communicate like NTs and mix with NTs (I include myself in this group).
2. autistic people who can talk but don't communicate like NTs and don't mix with NTs (like my daughter)
3. low functioning autistic people who struggle to communicate
4. parents of autistic kids (I'm in this category as well)
5. health providers who work with autistic people and who "promote" themselves as experts on all things relating to autism

I am struggling to see how such disparate groups can get together to form an "autism culture"


The comparison wasn't meant to imply that there was an autistic culture, rather to point out that there is another group of parents who have expressed a similar desire to have children who share their disability/difference.



cyberdad
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11 Jan 2013, 8:54 pm

Schneekugel wrote:
There are only desperate groups if we decide to desperate from each other. And i think the listed groups of you dont have that sharp borders to separate them. So right now i would be in your "functional" group, having a job, living on my own and so on... But thats not static. Just a little more stress in my work or at home and i am hardly able to manage my tasks, also have lost some jobs before due to my problems and getting a job is the hardest thing for me, because most people think i work well, but before that I must introduce myself to get the job and this can takes month for me. :(

So maybe I am now in the "functional" group by luck now, but I also know how it is to be in the not so functional group. Even when it comes to pure autistic people it is much easier for me to understand their struggles. Ok, so i can endure a bit longer until I burn out, but still I can understand why things like interruptions are such problems for many autistic, why routines are so important and so on. I have the luck that its not soooo terrible for me, when somethings goes wrong but still there are huge differences for me between a day, where i can have my routines, everything goes well, no interruptions, no forced NT habbits, no chitchatting, no disturbances from working colleagues or a day, where everything goes wrong, everybody wants to talk to me, interruptions leading to doing three things at once and so on...

If everything goes well i come home and i feel happy an refreshed and want to meet friends of mine. If the last mentioned happened i am coming home, cant stand to greet or talk to my partner and close myself into the bath, sometimes shivering, sometimes crying...reading hours to silence my thoughts until i feel able to go out again.

When it comes to parents and health providers, then maybe there is a small border because I really do thing, that most of them want to understand how it feels like, why we think what we are thinking, but its still a difference from feeling it by themselves. This is not meant offending, but i can read much about blind people, but still its something else then knowing what its really like.

Yes, I understand and acknowledge that one can move and be in more than one group. I also understand that functionality can be temporary state of affairs when facing stressful triggers.

My point is (based on my experience) is that each of these broad groups have different agendas. For instance I knew a fair functional and successful person with mild Aspergers who had children with aspergers. He was proactive in NT society and wanted his children to be in mainstream society and mix with NTs. He had no interest in other autistic people or autism current affairs. I know that the major peak body representing autistic people in Australia is 99% made up of NTs who are health professionals and a few parents. My experience with health professionals is they have limited contact with autistic people but promote themselves as "experts" and "advocates" on autism. People with autism such as myself don't get a say on major groups in this country. There are Aspergers societies in Australia that only allow membership if your child was diagnosed with Aspergers (I honestly don't know how they will exist from January 2013).



cyberdad
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11 Jan 2013, 8:56 pm

zette wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
zette wrote:
FWIW, I've heard that some parents in the Deaf community have expressed hope that they have a deaf child. They view deafness as a difference, and value the Deaf culture.

Apart from WP there is no "autistic culture" or place where people with autism can gather that I am aware of? (at least not here in Australia). There seems to be five groups who seem to have different agendas. Firstly
1. high functioning autistic people who can communicate like NTs and mix with NTs (I include myself in this group).
2. autistic people who can talk but don't communicate like NTs and don't mix with NTs (like my daughter)
3. low functioning autistic people who struggle to communicate
4. parents of autistic kids (I'm in this category as well)
5. health providers who work with autistic people and who "promote" themselves as experts on all things relating to autism

I am struggling to see how such disparate groups can get together to form an "autism culture"


The comparison wasn't meant to imply that there was an autistic culture, rather to point out that there is another group of parents who have expressed a similar desire to have children who share their disability/difference.

I'm quite certain most parents with physical diabilities would not wish their children to carry the same afflication (deafness, blindness etc)...



1000Knives
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11 Jan 2013, 9:41 pm

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rleFAS_B04[/youtube]

Your thought process reminds me of this.



cyberdad
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12 Jan 2013, 6:51 am

1000Knives wrote:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rleFAS_B04[/youtube]

Your thought process reminds me of this.

I'm afraid you'll have to explain that to me?



Ettina
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19 Jan 2013, 11:23 am

Quote:
But NTs are socially adaptable - so he or she will socially adapt to your family, don't you think? NTs play WOW too!


Yeah, and spend their time sitting in Orgrimmar trolling trade chat...

Anyway, NTs can be socially inflexible too. I've met plenty of NTs who are extremely inflexible about social rules, more so by far than most autistics. If you inflexibly support social norms, you can get away with inflexibility a lot more.

But I don't think inflexibility is hardwired. I think it's learnt. There are different triggers of inflexibility for NTs versus autistics, but both neurologies can be socialized to be more or less flexible. My NT brother is pretty good at handling an autistic sister and father.



MyGTStudent
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20 Jan 2013, 5:11 am

I'm a father of an Aspie 10 year old son and new to this forum so, please excuse my confusion with all the acronyms flying around on these pages. Sort of like trying to decipher text messages my 18 year old son sends me.

Anyways, although I was never diagnosed with Asperger's, I am fairly certain that if tested now as an adult I would more than likely be classified in this spectrum. And having both an Aspie son and two that are more normal for lack of a better term, I can honestly say that the non-Aspie children are much easier to deal with even though my Aspie son and I are more alike. Their social skills are better and they tend to make friends much easier. They are still very intelligent, although perhaps not to the level that my Aspie son is, but school work and good grades are not a problem for them.

There are so many difficulties associated with children in the Asperger's Spectrum, that I find it difficult to understand why you would wish this upon your newest arrival. Granted most Aspies are highly intelligent, but that intelligence comes with a price. That being trouble with social skills, sensory issues, disorganization, depression and the list goes on and on. Perhaps it is the fact that so many people in your family have Asperger's, that it appears it would be easier if the child was diagnosed with the spectrum. But rest assured, if the child does not fit into the spectrum, you will find that dealing with them is no different than any of your other children, in fact it may even be a little easier.

Just my two cents worth.



cyberdad
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20 Jan 2013, 6:20 am

MyGTStudent wrote:
I'm a father of an Aspie 10 year old son and new to this forum so, please excuse my confusion with all the acronyms flying around on these pages. Sort of like trying to decipher text messages my 18 year old son sends me.

Anyways, although I was never diagnosed with Asperger's, I am fairly certain that if tested now as an adult I would more than likely be classified in this spectrum. And having both an Aspie son and two that are more normal for lack of a better term, I can honestly say that the non-Aspie children are much easier to deal with even though my Aspie son and I are more alike. Their social skills are better and they tend to make friends much easier. They are still very intelligent, although perhaps not to the level that my Aspie son is, but school work and good grades are not a problem for them.

There are so many difficulties associated with children in the Asperger's Spectrum, that I find it difficult to understand why you would wish this upon your newest arrival. Granted most Aspies are highly intelligent, but that intelligence comes with a price. That being trouble with social skills, sensory issues, disorganization, depression and the list goes on and on. Perhaps it is the fact that so many people in your family have Asperger's, that it appears it would be easier if the child was diagnosed with the spectrum. But rest assured, if the child does not fit into the spectrum, you will find that dealing with them is no different than any of your other children, in fact it may even be a little easier.

Just my two cents worth.

Welcome to the forum. Yes I understand what you are saying. My sister complains about her NT (normal) nephew's behavior, I would certainly trade his "issues" for the ones we (my wife and I) have to deal with with our autistic daughter.