Why do you self harm/hit out?

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I used to self harm because I hated myself. All the problems seemed to "be my fault" at home and at school, and later after my adoptive mother and stepfather used tough love and threw me out. I was trying to kill myself passively. The other thing was that I'd punch myself very hard in the head, also out of self hate.

Sometimes I get so mad or frustrated, I don't know what to do with the feelings inside me so I will throw things or bang my head. Since I don't want to hurt myself, I do the other thing. It's a emotional overload for me. I feel like doing lot of things when I am this way. I don't really hit things, I mostly throw or slam things. I have also kicked things too in the past and I got yelled at for it. Same as for slamming my hands against a fence or locked door.

My daughter's headbanging stopped around the time she started communicating. For her I think it was a combination of frustration, an inability to tell me what was wrong, and physical discomfort.

Although I haven't yet been officially dx'ed I'm going to weigh in. I used to self harm because I was very depressed. I was hurting inside so badly, felt so alone, that nobody understood my pain. I felt unloveable and a freak of nature. I felt ugly and a bad human being. I didn't understand why it seemed everyone hated me. I needed to hurt myself to relieve some of the pain inside. Take it from inside and put it outside, so then not as much of it was inside anymore.

I used to pick at my scabs (and still do) because I hate the imperfection of the raised scab on the skin. I hate the jagged edges. I hate feeling a bump where there shouldn't be one. I have a compuslive need to make it all smooth, even if it means I rip it off and it bleeds.