15 Jan 2013, 10:55 am
I have similar problems with my spouse. I am in a house with two aspies and one unknown, Im NT. I feel like Im the odd one out! Im the one who looks after the kids and during the day it goes ok, but weekends and evenings are just full on arguements coz he takes over and undermines me. The kids dont know whats going on coz suddernly the rules have changed. He is tired form work and has less patients with the kids. Then when they have gone to bed hes back to the sweet man I married and then I feel like I cant bring it up and have a massive arguement with him when hes all happy and relaxed. Im on antidepressants but I know he would never look into that for himself, but I think they might help him and al of us tbh 
15 Jan 2013, 11:04 am
Mummy_of_Peanut wrote:
I was always the 'softer' parent. I recognised the battles I couldn't win with my daughter and also noticed very early on that regular behaviour management approaches did not work at all. But, my husband kept on with his firmness. For example, she's having a tantrum or refusing to get her pyjamas on, so he refuses to read her bedtime story. But, the bedtime story is part of her bedtime routine, so not reading to her makes matters worse. In the end, I have to read to her anyway and she settles. Then, I would get the blame for giving in to her or for our lack of consistency between us (not so much by my husband, but by his mother).
Thats the same with us! He takes things away form her, mostly the bed time story or sometimes her favourite toy she needs to have in bed so she cries herself to sleep. Plus after all the shouting it ends up being a late night, and guess who has to get her up for school the next morning, yup me and I have to console her about the night before coz she will still be upset
I can see her behaviour as typical AS stuff and I pick my battles carefully otherwise we will be shouting all day about every little thing and that does noody any good. He still thinks that he needs to be firm with the little things he reckons she will still be doing when shes older and needs to grow out of, like not using cutlery etc. I see her struggle and think well shes eating with her fingers but at least shes eating.
Hes also never been to any important appointments and took a lot of convincing in the first place. For a year her dismissed AS and kept saying it was normal and he was the same.... now he admits he probably has AS too so at least we are getting somewhere!
Mummy_of_Peanut
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15 Jan 2013, 3:05 pm
15 Jan 2013, 7:26 pm
Mummy_of_Peanut wrote:
ConfusedNewb, I wish my husband could speak to yours. There's been such a change in our homelife. As I said, he's a very good Dad and spends an awful lot of time with our daughter, from the moment he comes in, at about 5pm, until she goes to bed. He's a big kid and I mean that in a positive sense only. The rest of the evening is our time (so long as she stays in bed). He's really great, but he used to have 'tantrums' and his way of dealing with her behaviour was to take toys away too. That was the worst thing he could do. If she was having a tantrum, taking a toy away would result in a meltdown and there'd be no chance of the 'bad' behaviour getting corrected. Then he'd get even angrier with her for the noise and still not doing as she was told. We don't have that at all now. The house is calm and, if I hear him raising his voice, I remind him to lower the volume, and he does.
He seems much happier too. There was a time when I thought he could do with some antidepressants as well. I was taking St John's Wort and told him that I thought he should try some, but he got quite defensive at the suggestion that he was depressed. But, then one morning he admitted that he was really depressed; this wasn't long before the courses. He's totally fine now.
I'm probably further along the spectrum that him, but the ADHD related issues, that I so obviously have, are the main problem for our relationship. He's without a doubt broader autistic phenotype, but I don't think he has Aspergers. He has associated traits. e.g. he definitely has undiagnosed dyslexia and face blindness. His brother and late Dad have/had stereotypical Aspergers.
He seems much happier too. There was a time when I thought he could do with some antidepressants as well. I was taking St John's Wort and told him that I thought he should try some, but he got quite defensive at the suggestion that he was depressed. But, then one morning he admitted that he was really depressed; this wasn't long before the courses. He's totally fine now.
I'm probably further along the spectrum that him, but the ADHD related issues, that I so obviously have, are the main problem for our relationship. He's without a doubt broader autistic phenotype, but I don't think he has Aspergers. He has associated traits. e.g. he definitely has undiagnosed dyslexia and face blindness. His brother and late Dad have/had stereotypical Aspergers.
Thanks, I hope we can get there one day! My late Father in law was possibly AS too, and they did not have the best relationship themselves, I worry history will repeat itself as they both fight for dominance, Im stuck in the middle, love both of them, dont want to upset either of them so I keep quiet :/
Sorry for hijacking this post btw!
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