Letting go of toys, stuffed animals, or any other possession

Post Reply New Topic

Yes, people giving them stuff, every sweet wrapper or crisp bag, presents from birthday parties off all of their school friends, rewards from school, party bags from all the school kids birthdays, then theres all the twigs/stones/rubbish she picks up and names so we can never throw it away even though its dirty and wet! She recently had a bi of string that she absolutely fell in love with, but she dangled it out of the car window and accidentally let go, it was on a big road so I couldnt stop and get it. She hated me for weeks because I refused to risk my life to go and get it for her, I warned her that if it dropped out of the window it would be gone forever. She sees it every day on the school run and this makes it worse!

Also people who dont know the situation and see her fretting over having to leave stuff and let her have it. We get ladies at play groups saying she can take a toy home with her and bring it back next week, which just makes things worse but its hard to explain. All that does is get her more attached to it and delay the melt down by a week.

I have tried explaining about selling things to get money to buy new things but shes not interested. Even when she can see the money and hold it herself, keep it in her money box and then take it to a shop and hand it over to buy something she wants.

I also find if she has a small toy that is part of a collection this starts off an obsession with having all of them, even if theres hundreds to collect. She is not interested in playing with them, just wants to have them.

She made me buy all 3 of the monkey shaped cookies on sale in a cafe yesterday because she didnt want to leave one on its own. I went a long with it as there was 3 of us and I didnt want to argue over a few pence. My youngest daughter (Nt so far) dropped hers on the floor and my DD5 took over an hour nibbling on it before she abandoned it. I had to argue about putting that in the bin, it didnt even resemble a monkey by the end of it!

She said out of the blue the other day on the way to school to her Dad, "I havent forgotten my things". When he asked her what she meant she explained she still misses the items I gave to charity 18 months ago! This was before we had any idea about ASD! She would only have been 3, shes got an amazing memory for things like that yet cant tell me what she had for lunch today, bless her

I dont ever push her to get rid of stuff now that I know how much it upsets her, partly because I know 18 months later she will still be making me feel guilty lol!

Shes not too bad with the yucky stuff to be honest, but I can see its still a touchy subject and may get worse in the future. I am conscious of what I throw away and check with her first

DiscoveringMe, you could have been describing me at your daughter's age in your original post. Everything was "alive" to me...and that's still the case. And yes, my stuffed animals were very dear friends to me....more like my ONLY friends.

I grew out of the hoarding wrappers/random stuff as I got older, but my stuffed animals were always sacred to me. I was very protective of them and would even hide them if I suspected they were in any danger of being thrown or given away.

I don't know how helpful this is going to be, but....

I agree that the wrappers and leftover papery items should probably go....I like the idea of the whole "out-of-sight, out-of-mind" thing. But, as far as the stuffed animals are concerned, I would tread very, very, very delicately there. Maybe buy some Rubbermaid totes and store them, if feasible. While I think donating stuffed animals is a great idea, I probably wouldn't even force the issue (for right now) if it upsets your daughter that much.

As an adult, I sometimes go thru my stuffed animal collection and set aside ones to give to a charity in my area....but at least I have control over the ones I keep and the ones I give away, not like when my mother would come into my room with a big black trash bag and start putting some of my favorite stuffed animals in there saying, "You don't play with this one anymore, right?" etc. I guess that's why this is such a sensitive issue for me. Maybe try revisiting the "donating" idea when she's a bit older.

I hope my response was helpful in some way.

We had this, too - and we handle it much like Confused Newb...but we have one additional rule that really helps: nothing comes in until something goes out. Every year before birthdays and holidays with gifts, he has to get rid of stuff he's outgrown.

I would also point this out: I also feared my son would never get rid of anything, we had preschool toys up until a few years ago. I didn't account for the developmental delay aspect in toys. At 12, he's starting to get rid of things we'd assume most kids would have outgrown 3 years ago. I think he needed the reassurance of those toys, knowing somehow that he still had a foot in that world, so to speak.

My son also has a mental inventory of every. single. thing. he. owns. I learned early that the Happy Meal Toys couldn't be secretly thrown out - so we'd take them to the playroom at the Y, where he went occasionally, and he could "visit" them. Church playrooms work, too. He also imbued his toys with little lives and personalities, so to him, giving up a toy was like betraying a friend.

Another thing to try - tell your kid that they can't get things like Happy Meals or other prizes if they can't get rid of the toy. Set a time limit before you buy it, e.g. "this is a temporary toy that we will recycle. You can keep it for two weeks. If that's upsetting to you, we will ask for a meal with no toy." If they can't get rid of it at the alotted time, the next time, no toy and an explanation. (Or, it might be easier to say that you only have ONE prize toy at a time, whenever you get a new one, the old one has to be recycled.)

Just in case your kids head down this road: DS does have some OCD-like symptoms, of which this is one. We were helped very much by the workbook "What To Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck." Worth looking into, as it talks about "garbage" thoughts as well as "garbage" stuff.