Because no one else will understand...

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Matters of opinions, I guess.

No but it changes the attitude around it.

Yep.


Perhaps it has to do with the kid you are talking about. My son is going to see it the exact same way whether it is called an issue, a problem, a challenge, a difference, or a bulubazoo. He is not the same as his peers, and it is not in an advantageous way. No matter what you call it or how you slice it, he sees it, it hurts him, and his pain hurts me.

You're two years ahead of me... I have no doubt my own son will be feeling the same way as yours but with less discussion or clarity. (Your boy described his feelings VERY fluently!) He lives with his mom, though... one who really doesn't understand it - not in me, and not in him.

You're doing one thing better than most parents - you're listening intently and caring deeply! If nothing else, your son will remember that.

If you ever figure it out, let me know, eh?

If I ever figure it out, I'll let everybody know! Save a lot of people a lot of heartache!

I thought of another thing today. In second grade was the first time he noticed he was not like other kids and he was upset by it for a period of time, then it kind of just fell away a little bit. He has known since that time that he is not quite like everyone else, but he stopped focusing on it. IMHO, second grade is the first big "hit" for aspie/nvld/adhd kids. It seems to me like many times prior to second grade, they seem maybe behind their peers but not that much and they muddle along, but then there is a big developmental leap around that age coupled with a big jump in expectations at school and it leaves the kids unable to deal with the "double jump." You go from being a "little kid" to a "kid." It seems like middle school is like this, too. Big changes in expectations at school, coupled with big changes in the way kids socialize. You go from being a "kid" to an "adolescent." It gives me hope that maybe he will settle in to this like he did in second grade.

At least I hope.

I understand .. I'm in a very similar situation with my 12 year old as well. Lately he's been telling me how he's not as smart as everyone else.. "everyone", such a strong word. It's hard and as a parent. We don't want our kids hurting and it really hurts us too! Unfortunately, that's their reality and I basically told my son, that just because he doesn't recognize his strengths now, it doesn't mean he never will. It takes time - as it did for me - and I have faith he'll get there someday (hopefully sooner than later).

One thing that seemed to help my son the other night is that I told him that when I was young, no one knew what was "wrong" with me. Everyone thought I was lazy and not trying and I just got in trouble. I still turned out ok, anyway (I am lucky in that he still thinks I am totally awesome! LOL!) So imagine how much better he will do because he has a whole team of people behind him who know he is not lazy and that he is trying his best. It's one thing that makes me very glad that I am not NT. I am proof to my kids that everything can turn out OK.

That's awesome! and maybe that's your ticket in helping him. If he sees you as successful and you went through similar situations, then it'll give him hope that he will be successful too.

I understand. My 13-year-old DD says things like this, too. There isn't much I can do but empathize, but often that seems to help her. I feel that developing self-awareness and emotional insight might make it seem that our kids are feeling more pain, but I actually think the fact they are talking about how they feel helps them heal. What I usually do is listen and say: It is hard, it is not fair, and we are here to support you.

You are right, of course, but I still wish there was something more I can do. <sigh>

What I mean is that this is when your son starts shaping a pattern through which he controls his behavior - don't overstimulate that inclination. Too much input can really blow things up, too much support can kick off pessimistic tangents. Your son is seeking to avoid dragging down those around him. Of course trying to share his pain is a noble cause but you need to examine the pluses of doing exactly the opposite. I hazard a guess that your son is vastly more concerned with how he reflects on others than the day-to-day cruxes of growing up.

I am sorry, but I still do not understand your feedback. But I would like to as it sounds like it is something that I may not have considered before. Could you try again and break it down really simply? Specifically, what do you mean by "shaping a pattern through which he controls his behavior." I also do not understand the last sentence. Well, really, I think I may not understand any of it. Sorry.

Can anyone else help?

I think cberg is saying what I was kind of trying to say.. about attitude. If you respond to his "woes" (as legit as they are) like they're not as troublesome as he makes them appear, he may, in return, think for HIMSELF that it's less of a problem then he initially thought. Maybe his patterns of thought stems from the feedback he's receiving from other people - including yourself - moreso than how he really feels about them himself.

At least, that's my interpretation of what he's saying.

That depends on perspective. A majority of the Big Thinkers were believed to have issues at one point or another. A difference in thinking does not equal a problem with thinking. If you really think about it a good portion of the population thinks the rest of the population has brain issues just because they dont agree with their politics. The answer to his query would be yes we all struggle with uncertainty of thought: Everyone.
"No. Not everyone has brain problems."
"But everyone has problems?"
"Yes. Everyone."


Again its just a matter of perception. We are all frail. frailty can be mitigated with exercise and training. But we all break: fall: and hurt. Its why we have helmets, and signs on the crosswalks. Its why there are handrails on staircases. How frail we are or are not many times is a function of our perception of ourselves. We tend to overlook the fear in a high divers eyes. We don't feel the sweaty palms of the gymnast. Or the heart race of a fighter. Most town have huge buildings: ambulances: helicopters ect as testament to our frailty.

If we all had attention would we even need crosswalks? You cant spit without running into a warning. "Caution hot coffee is HOT" These warnings are not in place because we pay attention. They are there because we are not.



Maturity is subjective at best. People (especially kids) are typically more mature in regards to individual things rather than being mature as a whole. There are huge numbers of adults that play with model trains. Who use there cars as toys. There are entire industries built around the adult populations lack of maturity as in race cars and gambling. Do you think kids who don't play with stuffed animals dont like stuffed animals? No: What it really is: is that they have allowed themselves to be influenced by others to put them away. So who is really the mature one. A person who does not like something because everyone says they shouldn't? Or the person who likes what they like regardless of peer pressure and propaganda?

Personally I find it refreshing that my Chloe is not as pressured by outside influences. That she just simply likes what she likes.

That's my perspective.
And that is what its all about isn't it? Perspective.

I don't know if it could help your son or not but... I'm 30 years old and I own/collect stuffed toys. His interest in stuffed toys could be used for learning how to make them. That's what I did when my interest in toys was at its highest. I would go further and research information on how to fabricate my own with felt fabric, stuffing, needle and threads and pattern making tutorials online.

I'm embarassed to say this but attempting to build them is quite fun.

As someone who pretty much felt like that at 11, the only thing I can say is that it gets better.

Middle School is going to suck
High School is going to REALLY suck

College should be alright

Agreed. I know it won't help the little dude now, but seriously, it does get better. I started fitting in (in my own way) and getting friends at collage.