choosing not to speak - 3 years old

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I think the difference is that there is a setting that evokes the selective mutism, and in all other settings the child is NT. I know for certain that my son is not NT in any setting. While he has MORE issues in certain places, I would never say that at home he is fine, or at school he is fine, or at group he is fine. But with a kid with SM, they are "fine" in other settings, but usually the school setting or with new people and places. I CAN say that DD is completely fine at home and in any comfortable setting.

My son has been going to karate since DD was 1, she has basically grew up in that waiting room, she knows well al the kids siblings that wait with her, and is comfortable enough to approach new kids that come in. She will talk freely and play, initiate play with them etc...but in school she wont talk to peers. Only whisper to her teachers. In the comfortable setting she is fine. In the school setting, she isn't. At home she is fine, at families, etc...

So, kids on the spectrum can be seen to have issues with communication, but SM isn't a communication disorder, its anxiety at play. While my HF Aspergers son is extremely verbal and intelligent (def higher IQ then my NT DD), he has issues with communication in the aspect of non verbal communicaton, personal space, social communication (how to talk to peers, not interrupting, not rambling on about video games, giving background info, etc.) DD doesn't have those issues. Her only issue is in school, but she is fine there otherwise. Its perplexing!

Bang on!

I didn't talk for most of primary school (although I would whisper to my friends in school). I would talk to friends out of school but would not speak to any adult outside of my family, especially teachers, and had to bring a little note if my mum had sent me out to buy bread or what-not.

I was aware when I stopped talking out loud - the reason was embarrassment - because of one word that came out wrong when I was 4 or 5. I never made a conscious decision to be stay quiet but it just happened. It was several years before things changed, and this was not a "choice" but due to a teacher shouting and humiliating me so much that I had to speak out loud.

What really causes some of us to be particularly quiet? I don't know, but I'd be interested in a scientific point of view. As far as I know I'm a fairly "standard" being, either that or I've been fooling people for years...

Obviously, a kid who doesn't speak due to language delays doesn't have selective mutism.

But an autistic kid who can speak well enough could conceivably have selective mutism. Though you'd have to look carefully at whether the intermittent mutism is overload or reduced social interest instead of anxiety.

When you put it that way, perhaps what my daughter experiences would be more aptly named intermittent mutism than selective mutism. For her, I don't think anxiety is the underlying factor. I think it is more likely due to overload/shutdown. When this happens, it almost seems like her brain becomes a giant "white noise" machine that blocks out internal and external input. My visual image of her when she is like this is...well it's not even visual, but the way I interpret what is happening to her can best be described by a combination of buzzing and the static on an untuned TV. That coupled with trying to move under water.

Well, this topic is developing into a very interesting thread.

I do not have the time to read (or write) a lot these days as I have all four children at home, they are taking most of my engergy

It seems that mutism is just the expression of several conditions, afflicting both autists and NT´s. I will try to bring a little order in all the different types, as I see them (they might influence each other - nothing is simple). Maybe somebody more fluent in English can bring some more order to the list.

# Not being able to speak because one is overwhelmed with feelings and not saying anything might be the alternative to crying. This is
probably normal among all people (but might be more common among AS?)

# Not being able to answer because of anxiety or feelings etc. probably not common among NT.

# Choosing not to answer because of anxiety, embarrassment, feelings etc. probably not common among NT.

# Not being able to speak because of Meltdown or shutdown (related to the abowe?) can last for several days. I guess this could be selective
mutism if we accept that the def. of selective mutism from www.selectivemutismfoundation.org is plain wrong

Autistic individual do not nessessarily have limited language ability, this sounds like something from the last century!

# Then there is the not wanting to speak for warious reasons (which might be confused with not being able to speak)

undercaffeinated wrote:
I am not sure how strong the barriere between not wanting and not being able to.

# Not speaking due to not realizing that an answer is called for. This is probably due to not picking up on social cues. Not speaking because the other person is not part of the sphere of interest, not realizing the other person is addressing you etc.

# Not speaking due to problems with processing sounds (not being able to hear what the other person is saying)

# Not speaking due to not hearing the other person because of intense interest in favorite subject e.g. reading.


Well, cant seem to do the bullet points properly

I think its confusing cause there may be lots of reasons why one chooses or feels as if they cannot talk, But according to the DSM-IV (not sure what the new one says), a R/O of SM would be having ASD. I guess because there are so many reasons one with ASD might not talk in certain situations.

I wouldn't know, my ASD son is the opposite and gets more chatty when he is nervous/anxious.

I do both, weirdly enough.

When I'm just starting to get overloaded, often I'll automatically start 'infodumping' because it's a way to reduce stress. Problem is, the same things that overload me often overload my Dad (who we suspect is AS too) and he finds me infodumping makes his overload worse.

But then if I get extremely overloaded, I tend to loose speech skills. I've gone mute due to overload occasionally, though more often I can only say certain phrases or only say things indirectly.

I could have written that myself.

Thank you for all your inputs, it has been so interesting to read.

It made me think much more about my childhood muteness and why my child do not speak much. I think his problem is mostly with the transition from sleep to wake (a major issue with me as well).

I guess that there are a lot more to this issue than has been looked into professionally and I learn much more from WP than from any other source