dealing w/ lack of invites to social events due to asperges

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In my case, 47.

Of course I knew I was a different all my life--but not how different.

I think the only answer to this problem is for the kid to make real friends. One to three real friends is all you need. Who cares if NTs are having huge parties where they all behave stupidly together while talking vapidly about nothing much and posturing for each other? Find a few kindred spirits they can share interests with and they will be very happy. Try interest-focused groups. Chess club, Astronomy club, Robotics club--something like that.

One of the reasons my son's social skills group is fairly successful is because they combined it with a special interest group: they teach computer skills as part of the group.

This gives the kids something to focus on and actually DO, rather than sit around and discuss issues that may or may not be pertinent.

I guess I'm at a loss with the new information. We've had the benefit of living in a community that supports differences, and other parents have always wanted their kids to at least be open to friendships with my son, and were actually apologetic when it just didn't happen. They would not have tolerated the picture posting or anything to hurt my son.

As for when a child knows he is different - my son pretty much always knew. Hard to say but I'm thinking that if your son hasn't figured it out by now, he isn't going to. Either that or he is aware and but is hoping that by pretending he isn't different, he won't be different (not that he's likely to realize he's doing that). I'm getting the sense that you have one of the kids who wants more than anything to simply be like everyone else and, to be honest, I don't have enough experience with that to be of much help. My son embraced being different because, to him, different is better. Way better

Personally, I think that the knowing and accepting makes socializing and maintaining friendships much, much easier. No one is good at being what they are not, and it is difficult to thrive if you are unsuccessfully trying to copy other kids instead of just being who you are. Your son has gifts, as you've noted, and that will play to his advantage, but he needs to know when to use it, and when not to. My son is very creative, too, and it is a huge hook that keeps his profile up at school, but he's looked elsewhere for his true friends.

I do wish you the best of luck. It is very, very hard to see our kids want something but have no success at getting it. Things will get eventually, I think, but it will be a long road and a lot of hard work. Hang in there, OK?

That sounds like a really great idea. would you please PM me to let me know what state you live in, I wonder if we have things like that near us.

I'm a highschool student with AS & my sister is NT. For a long time, I really envied her social abilities (and I still do sometimes, but to a lesser extent). She was always exceptionally popular while I was at the bottom of the social heirarchy. Noone ever thought I was rude though. People usually described me as "weird" & "annoying", but I was generally recieved as exceptionally polite. I tried VERY hard to fit in when I started highschool, but still stood out quite a bit. However, I guess I didn't stand out in a bad way. A senior girl invited me to a halloween party !

I showed up wearing blue and orange lederhosen with a fake tail & a blue hawaiian shirt. I still have no clue what I was supposd to be. When I got there, I can remember thinking "This is what a party's like? This is rather disapointing". It wasn't all bad, but for the most part it was just... dull. The only part I really enjoyed was the roughhousing (though at one point I was put in a choke hold I couldn't get out of). After that, I realized that pretending to be something I'm not to get invited to social functions isn't even close to worth it.

I once went to my town's oktoberfest celebration and the food was better, but I felt even more out of place there so I just kind of sat by the band alone the whole time.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that your son may not even like parties. However, the ability to be sociable is still important & is something he'll have to work on either way.

I can sympathize with your son. My daughter had the same issues when she was in grade school. She was seldom invited to other people's parties etc. However as she got older and had participated in multiple social skills therapies she slowly began to get invited places. When she was in middle school she was part of a social skills group of Aspie kids and she formed actual friendships that have now lasted 4 years.

These kids understand each other's quirks and relate well (though not in the same way that NT kids do) to each other. I would highly recommend some social skills training and repeat it until he has learned how to control his bossiness and other negative behaviors. I would also highly recommend finding a group to join where he shares an interest with the other members. Don't give up.

I can see both sides to this. I wouldn't want to play with someone like that either so I can understand why kids would try and avoid him. He would be lucky if he had things kids wanted to play with so they came over just for that and boom your son has friends to play with and then all of a sudden they have to go home now "because it's time" when really they were just done with it. Or they come over because they have no one else to play with so they use your son for entertainment just so they have someone to play with and then they leave when they are through.


You may need to start telling your son what he is doing wrong and why kids don't want to play with him. The truth may hurt but maybe down the road he will appreciate it and he may decide to work on those skills and learn to be more flexible so kids will like him and so he will have friends if that is his strong desire and wants it so badly.