HELP!! !! !! !! !! UGH!! !! HOW DO I STOP THE BULLYING?!?!?

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Enders makes the point of spanking the bully's. This would be perpetuating the same problem we are trying to stamp out. The bully comes from a troubled home in the first place. He is acting out in the school yard what he doesn't have the courage or validation to do at home. I suggest the bullies are removed from their homes until the parental situation at home is addressed with parenting classes. If this was the case bullying would stop.

So Enders I understand what you are implying however this would make the situation worse. Children are egocentric until 10 or 11 so subconsciously believe everything that has happened in their environment is their fault. They are acting out home frustrations in a safe environment. This being school.

Things can only travel in one direction at a time. So we should move away from violence and more toward peace.

Eye for an eye eh enders, where would this ever stop?

Chris.

Hi We are currently having very similar problems and help seems like its never gonna get here. Its always the same kids though sometimes new ones join in and its always the same thing name calling like freak, oddball, spack,etc. Then they take his toast from him at playtime and throw it on the floor and stamp all over it, every playtime he is kicked punched dragged to the floor has things thrown at him.
I have lost count of the number of times i have had problems with the school and when i do speak to them all i get is sometimes he instigates it which i can believe.
For some bizarre reason cos he knows he can annoy people he goes out of his way to do so knowing the end result will be someone hitting him or hurting him.
I too worry what effect all of this has on him mentally and sometimes think keeping him home is the answer but over here in the UK you are not allowed to educate a child at home with special needs.
I am awaiting him seeing a specialist on the 15th march and am hoping to get a positive diagnosis and once i have this i feel i have no option but to withdraw him from mainstream school and have him transferred to a special needs school where he can get the help and support he so badly needs.
His current headteacher informs me that my son is a very disturbed little boy, after seeing his recent behaviour which included refusing to go back into class, punching a wall and hiding behind a bush for 30 minutes. Then in class he constantly provokes the teacher and swears at other children when the teacher tries to remove him from the room he hides under the table, where he stays for the rest of the afternoon.
I wish i knew what the solution was but i do not know i just hope everyones situation improves in the very near future.

Do parents really think that their children are learning in this situation.
The lot of you stop acting like victims and remove your children from this lifestyle.
It is not illegal to remove your child from an environment where he or she is being
abused. Abuse comes in many forms. Physical, psychological, sexual. Is your
problem one of those? Your bloody job parents is to protect your children.
Do you all have your hands tied behind your backs? The lot of you are just
behaving with victims mentality. What are the law going to do? Fine you.
Make you justify your actions. Well good if you have to justify your actions
this will get them publicity they don't really need. I have been through this
situation big time. Would you all let a paedophile mind your kids. Putting him
back in this environment time after time is the bloody same.
This simplistic mentality is making me sick.
Stop being victims and remove your children. Or is it that you cannot face
his abuses because you have all buried your past so deep in the back of your
minds that facing his will bring up your own issues.

Now I have had to edit my post slightly so nobody thought I was being abusive.
Not meaning to sound as harsh as I do.

Chris.

To the start poster:
Bullying will alter a person, take away his self-confidence and deprive him of chances to socialize properly, especially if the bullied is in his teens. I have also been bullied in school and thus never had any friends and nowadays have poor social skills.
If I am any judge, you seem to be a very caring mother, so you'll probably do the right thing about your son.

In response to chris' post if removing my child from school and home educating him would solve all our problems i would gladly do it immediately.
BUT as I have been informed by several professionals today I would be doing him more harm than good. He struggles to interact with his own peer group so by removing him I would most likely just be adding to his isolation and loneliness.
I ask him every single day how has school been today? And he sits and tells me whether good or bad regarding his behaviour etc and I sit and listen.
I have already asked him a few weeks ago if he would feel happier to stay home and be educated and he said no because there are some aspects of school that he does enjoy but however he would like to attend a school were there are other children who have similar issues and he may be happier there.
As for a victimised mentality I personally do find this a harsh criticism. I have never been a victim and shall not start to be one now.
We have already been down this road with statementing etc with my 11 year old daughter who was statemented at 6 years old. W ehad to fight for 2 years to get her a statement and moved to an appropiate school and it was the right decision to make. Yes she may be 11 with a mental age of 5 but I am happy that she is happy.
As I did for her I shall do the same for my son.
Lastly as a new mum with a child of possibly aspergers I am finding trying to find coping mechanisms and support very hard and I do not know if you have a child with ASD's but for lords sake give us a break, may sound sarcastic but we are ALL only human and fallible.

Hello again all,
Thankyou for your reply Angel. I appreciate your frank reply. I am not attacking you, I am trying to rationalise what we as an itellectual entity are dealing with. A real situation will get a real response from me. Thankyou for your conviction regarding your vicitm status. I am glad you have always been more empowered than to allow any person to subjegate you or your views.
Not all people reading this thread have been that lucky. Good on you girl. So for you that bit doesn't apply. For some others it may and I believe a valid point to break down this abuse we all obviously care about.

I still believe he should be removed. His social needs can be met through sporting groups and that sort of interaction. He is still an egocentric being believing everything that happens in his environment is his fault. Things only travel in one direction at a time forward or backwards. You are there you judge that. There is no right or wrong there is consequence.

People talk about schooling to assist with learning. People also commonly talk about iq (intellectual quotient)
There are three factors when a persons learning potential is being determined.

IQ (Intellectual Quotient) We have all heard this one.
AQ (Adversity Quotient) How we deal with changing situations around us, adjust and adapt to their constant change.
EQ (Emotional Quotient) How well adjusted we are emotionally.

If all needs are not met and these variances not equal in their equalisation, the outcome and that is what we are addressing has to be a person who has below expected abilities in certain areas. So when these three factors meet and make up the full gammit of human responses he cannot possibly end up the human you hope and wish for him to be if he is not given the correct tools and the right combination of each. These children need masses of positive affermation. We are dealing with the sub conscious here not the conscious mind. The sub conscious cannot rationalise, so these negatives he faces every day are murdering his soal. He may wish to continue schooling only because he doesn't know any different.

These all have to be moving forward in order for any person to be ultimately well rounded. That is full potential not the best that can be managed.

One of my approaches in this situation is to go and spend time in the class room. Just being a cool bloke. Chatting about problems leading by example that all people are equal. Don't know how to explain exactly how I do this. Maybe I will work on trying to write it all out. Because I only look 20 and am quite a sporty physical man the kids suddenly want to be like you and so you just lead by example. Because they want to be like you they wouldn't want to harm anything that pertains to you. Then you just validate them I suppose. Because you are helping them move forward and validating their worth which bullys don't get at home it doesn't take long to turn this situation around.

I never resist against this type of force. I just duck under it by using a different technique. Force against force does not work. Because the resisting entity just pushes harder. Think about a tequnique change.

I genuinely hope my earlier post never impacted badly on you or your day. I was representing what I see and feel with conviction and passion. I will always be this frank person. Warmest wishes to you and yours Angel.

Chris.

Hi Chris Thank you for your response. I apologise as i was not aware that this site is also for adults with aspergers.
Thank you walk in the rain for your comments I guess I should have read the small print a little more closely .
My post was not posted to offend or attack anyone and yes walk in the rain is right as i guess a lot of people and children with aspergers may become victims of severe bullying.
I confess I am no longer sure if I am doing the right or wrong thing for my son, I just want him to be happy and confident with who he is, it does kill me everyday a little bit more to see him go of to school and to know I cannot be there to defend him against all the kids who target him, its an horrendous situation to be in.
I am just so confused about what is right or wrong. My daughter tells me today he has been swearing at his teacher, trashing the classroom, and hitting other children and my daughter overheard his teacher say that if he continues he will have to be moved from her class.
I just wish someone who had all the answers for our situation would come in and take control while I just sat back and tried to straighten my head, I just feel like my head is battered.
Its not just Ryan there is so much more personal stuff going on within the family that its a pretty stressful situation for the whole family. We try not to let Ryan see or hear anything that is going on and usually talk when he is in school, but he knows there are things going on and asks questions that i cannot possibly answer.
Oh dear now I am starting to ramble always a cue to vanish,lol,
Best Wishes Chris and sorry if i offended you. Tracy.

I was bullyed at home and at school just becouse i was different.

My daughter got bullyed when county decided to send her to a mainstreem school and also by the local kids.
It all got so bad i moved home and i sent her to a special school it was scarey but im glad to say we are happy where we live quite a few children from our area go to her school and even though she hasn't got any friends at home she has one friend at school.
A lot of people stopped talking to me becouse i sent my kid to a special school but she is happier
and it works for us everyone should find something that works for them.
At the time we used cams a counciling service becouse she wanted to die at 8yrs old and that helped she never talked to the counciler but he sent letters for us to housing and i sorted the school out.

Hi again all,
I have sent you a pm AngelUK. Go to the message bit in My account. Not infering you
don't know this. Just making sure. I feel my message is important.

You have not offended me at all. We are all working together to try and create the
best reality for all children.

I don't know who your professionals are and we tend to rely on this perspective
however these professionals are generally trained in one area of psychology
or whatever. And feel as though they must give you an answer based upon
usually limited training. It is not about you unfortunately they give you what
they believe is correct information. To validate their own worth.

Misdiagnosis is very common. Who wants a lot of labels anyway.
Follow your heart Tracy, I can see you've got a bloody huge one.

Todays tip. Forget right and wrong. Look at consequences.

Chris

not to put more pressure on you, angleuk...but....perhaps the reason for *some* of the issues he's currently having are due to the family problems you hinted at in your last post.......i always thought that my aspie son was somewhat oblivious to conflicts my husband and i would have~not so..granted, he looked at things differently than they actually were ( for example: i yelled, so i must hate my husband) ..he'd react to the household stress by acting up.
i don't want you to feel guilty about whatever issues you're having~just be aware that some of the behaviors you're seeing might be a product of the stress in your household. hope this helps.