My son's misophonia

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Since the thread is from 2013 and been necro'd, so most likely the OP's problem is solved but others may be going through something similar and that means it's relevant, I'll post what I think.

I would think that simple manners would mean that others would chew with their mouth closed and not talk with their mouths full. If a child has to point out their rudeness to them then I could see how they would get upset but also I'd think it would cause them to watch how they eat. I'm assuming the OP's daughter is very young and doesn't know better, but I think that expecting people to chew with their mouths closed and not talk with their mouths full and not slurp or make loud chewing noise is a very, very reasonable expectation.

When I was a child I used to chew with my mouth open because my nose was stopped up most of the time and it was difficult to chew that way. People at school used to make fun of me about it and I could never figure out how to do it and still breathe but someone finally told me to take a breath first, chew, swallow, then take another one. I hadn't thought of that. I did that from then on. As soon as I got rid of my sinus problem and allergies (around age 12) I had to learn to breathe through my nose. Sadly to say, I was a mouth breather most of my childhood.

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At least for me, I think that the closer we are to someone, the more expectations we have of them. A lot of the underlying cause of misophonia is being conditioned for one reason or another to find certain sounds confronting. For example, my grandfather was very traditional (children are to be seen and not heard and most certainly should not make any noise at the dinner table). His expectation of manners and silence from children was passed down to my father, whose own interpretation through his own conditioning was passed onto me. So not only does noisy eating annoy me now, but deep down below my conscious thought, I think of it as breaking the rules/being naughty/uncompliant/etc.

Now if you see a complete stranger breaking a rule, do you immediately approach them and start a conflict? Not me! Your own sibling, who you've grown up with and lived with half your life ... now they should know better!

I've managed to develop my own emotional self control strategies (similar to DBT and CBT) out of social necessity that help me reassess my impulses and assess their merit from a rational standpoint. It helps me take accountability for being irritated and find a solution that does not point fingers at others. It doesn't, however, stop the initial wave of extreme irritability - and if I'm really tired, my self control goes out the window, so I generally try to avoid trigger situations then.

So anyway, my point is that it's not just the sound that is the problem, but the underlying reasons behind what conditioned us to not like it.

I've had this since a very young age. I tried CBT and that helped a bit. I've also applied mindfulness techniques (MBCT) which help me deal with the angry thoughts I have when someone is eating. I'm currently obsessing on Theravada Buddhism and have gathered some valuable tools in regards to this issue. I realized that part of my discomfort was not just the noise but the angry and negative thoughts about the person eating.

One hypothesis I read said that the auditory cortex is somehow crossed with the brain's limbic system (associated with emotion). This makes sense because these sounds (at least for me) create a strong emotional reaction - mostly anger and wanting to escape the situation. I'm always surprised (while it's happening) that no one else feels the same way.

A technique that helped me is to be aware (Mindfulness) of my angry thoughts while at meals. I do not judge the thoughts (or myself for having them) or try to stop them. I just let them flow and I observe them. I also observe the emotions or bodily sensations that occur when I hear people smacking, sniffling, clinking silverware, jaws clicking, forks scraping, and/or licking their fingers. This helps me remove myself from the situation a bit and enjoy most meals. It's not perfect but it helps.

I've read there is a movement to include misophonia in future DSM's. This is one of the issues that made me realize I might have Aspergers. I've been able to work with most of my social deficits but my sound sensitivity has proved a tough opponent. I enjoy my obsessions so I don't consider that a problem:)

Unless one is able to experience (from inside the head of a Misophonian) for themselves, it is hard to receive empathy (even from family members). However, that is where one must start. I humbly submit that those with misophonia communicate in writing (some do so artistically) what you are going through, so there is no confusion as to what it is for which we have deal with on a daily basis. Check out Meetup for Misophonia groups as well.

Thanks for the information, Bill.

A little update on my son's misophonia.

We almost never eat together now. When we eat a traditional dinner, everyone at the table, he sits in the living room about 40 feet away. When possible he wears headphones to drown out the noises he can't stand.

He fights it when his friends eat noisily, because he only has a couple of friends and doesn't want to risk those relationships, but he often has little meltdowns over it when he gets home. He hates misophonia.

We don't eat out at restaurants much, and when we do, we are careful about where we sit around him and where we sit relative to other tables. If a really sloppy, noisy eater comes in, we just leave.

I have a lot of empathy for this, but I try not to think about it, because I have been bothered by noisy eaters, too and I really don't want it to be a thing I have to deal with! During my daughter's recent IEP meeting, a person came into the Child Study Team room and sat behind me, then proceeded to open a bag of some kind of crunchy junk food and noisily eat it. He also sucked his fingers periodically, making slurping and popping noises... It was very hard to stay focused on the important issues we were discussing and I really wanted to shout at him for being such an insensitive pig. I thought about how every meal must be like that for my son and it made me very sad.

I used to be very sensitive to certain sounds, like brooms sweeping, car horns, buzzers.

It is not so much I don't have a response to it anymore, just the full fall out is mitigated. It still jolts me a little.

I do find it irritating working with background noise.

In you sons case chewing involves smacking which is like a click sound which can resonate more with some people.

There is an argument in favour of gentle controlled immersion for something as common of that. The brain has such an ability to learn, so it can learn to process that sound differently over time.

One of the reasons why people like the sensation of crunchy food, is actually to do with the sound and the specific vibration it makes. They know this by cancelling the sound out. When the subject eat the same thing with less noise it "tastes" staler and less crunchy. Similarly they can enhance the sound for a cruncher experience.

However this is subjective, so the brain could have more of a negative response in an individual.

Noise cancelling headphones help a bit for predicable sound like electronic noise, fans, etc.

I know this is an old thread and I'm glad that you've found a solution that is working for you all.

I would like to say that I also have this misophonia and it has actually put me off certain foods in my life especially when I was younger. Obviously I didn't know that I had Aspergers back then so I didn't know what was wrong. All I knew was that certain food repulsed me because of the sound of people eating them and these were foods that I had been happy eating before hand.

At this moment in my life I cannot stand to eat bananas and it is simply due to the sound of other people eating them. It is disgusting and it literally turns my stomach. I can't even be anywhere around a banana because all I can think of is the disgusting sound they make.

I hope your son continues to progress anyway.

I have misophonia, he won't "just get over it", it's a real condition, as real as cancer, so tell those people to shove it where the sun don't shine.

What can help him:
Music with headphones/earphones, on ipod, mp3 player phone etc. It helps cancel the horrible noise out.
Ear plugs.
Apply for separate quiet rooms for exams and tests at school (I did this at school and now at uni), any child with disabilities are entitled to this.
Teach the other sibling to stop being cruel, discipline her with consequences until they stop torturing their brother, this is just as painful for him as being physically beat up.

Also adults should know to chew with their mouth closed and not to talk with food in their mouth, how uncouth, I suggest they learn some decorum.

Your son is not the problem, the un-empathetic twats around him are.
Get a recording of nails down a chalk board and annoying sounds on a loop and play it to them when they torture your son, and you try listening to it over and over so you know what it's like to be your son.