Hi,
Thanks for coming here and posting your question. My son is 10, so I don't know much about the teen years yet. Here's what I find helpful as the NT parent of an Aspie:
-- try to be as honest and direct as possible. Even if it sounds wrong or rude to your ears, Aspie kids don't perceive the subtle cues that we do. Be nice, but don't sugar coat it because he will not get it.
-- he needs an outlet to express his true feelings without judgement. Even Aspie kids in ideal families need this because there is so much of life they just don't get. He may feel threatened or bullied even if in reality he is not. He also needs to feel safe and loved. My son goes to a psychologist for this, and she helps us understand him better.
-- he may be hung up on the label "stepmother." Very often I have to use creative semantics to help my son accept something that comes with a negative reputation. Ergo, the pull ups he wears at night became "protection." He loves japan, so all healthy foods are now Japanese.
-- think about the actual consequences you are giving. Are they really consequences, or just words? My son only understands concrete consequences. And sometimes he consciously makes the choice to accept the consequence. Give consequences without anger. Anger inflames anxiety which makes everything worse.
-- consider what's causing the behavior. With the pepper spray, did he feel like he needed protection from someone? Was he trying to impress someone? How is his impulse control in general? Did he get a chance to tell his side of the story?
Best of luck,
27 Nov 2013, 4:21 am
